Progress update on the trad tattoo cross stitch - 3 down 1 to go! I'm so amped about how it's turning out (original flash by @/orrtattoos on Instagram)

me (buzzing into jeopardy): what is my meat

Please do not continue to list other food options as I'm IN THE PROCESS of making something, I will kill both of us

This made me sob, as I am famously a weenie wife ally,

If god didn't want me sinkin q-tips down the ear canal then why'd he put a damn g-spot in there

Coworker's mom is in the hospital and every time dad comes in or is even discussed, mom's stats drop. The idea of being so pissed off by a man's existence that your body tries to die a little bit... Like yeah girl I hear you

doing a “husband’s run” (early morning grocery run for a missing breakfast item, because i get to wander the store and get whatever else i want) but committing the “husband’s folly” (forgetting the one item i was asked to get, eggs)

everyone please pray for my wife, shes fine but her husband has a severe case of friday zoomies

hi i'm koty, my hobbies include pretending to play cards, pretending to do chores, and pretending to own a home

thank fuck

back on my bullshit

im celebrating a secret holiday called the trans day of invisibility. im in ur house right now and u can't see me

I really think coworker vibes are so weird. We don't need to be sharing weekend plans. I don't think about you when the laptop is closed and I would hope it's mutual

ENOUGH

having one of those experiences where I'm watching a show I had never heard of (Search Party) and more and more wildly famous people keep showing up and I feel insane. like I thought this was just a quirky little streaming show and now Jeff Goldblum is here????

I'm applying for my updated passport today (after getting my birth certificate gender marker updated so I can keep the M on my passport) and I'm so scared I'm going to end up Mysteriously Denied with my previous passport invalidated or something

Could a vegetarian eat the veggie tales veggies? Like they're vegetables but they're also guys. do they bleed

If trans men aren't real men then tell me why two shopping trips in a row I didn't bother reading the bag and accidentally bought unsalted peanuts. The "un" was literally underlined on the second bag

Don't ever do testosterone bc sometimes you look in the mirror and there's your dad. And then you have to deal with that

imagine he dies on your birthday like i would never shut up about it

Nothing in this WORLD is funnier to me than my boss giving me a warning on late-in occurrences. FIRE ME THEN LMFAO

If I get paid on the 2nd of the month so does my landlord. Why the fuck would I have $1400 in my checking the day before payday, who am I Warren Buffet

Do they make straight people named Heather? Like no right

failing is hot girl behaviour 🫵🏻💥

lord help me, they put minecraft in the pokemon animal crossing game... I'll never see my family again...

don’t forget to destroy your clocks tonight, walk away from your mortgage, just start driving, you’re free

🩷 ɪᴛ'ꜱ ꜱᴜᴘᴇʀ ᴇꜰꜰᴇᴄᴛɪᴠᴇ! 🩷

They will never be able to invent anything better than the little smile my wife tries to hide when I tell her she's pretty in a private stream chat

Can I be so doomer for a sec, I know I should be mad that the government turned into the Fred Armisen baby man from Broad City but it's not like we (consumers) were getting anything back from tariff refunds anyway and we already know the prices are staying high soooo like kinda 🤷‍♂️ idk

It's so weird that my name is just my name now. Went to the pharmacy and told them my name is koty. And it was true. Crazy!

Landlord of my shithole double wide sent me an RTO offer letter as if I haven't been the one in the trenches of the shithole for a year and a half lmfao nice try

You can absolutely feel this baked into the vibes in Canada. I spend a good 75% of my mental energy trying not to stick out as American when I'm there, and I still don't know that I'm passing lol

It’s actually FEWER Misérables

theyre releasing a new heroes of might & magic and it looks really fucking good so RIP to the small remaining balance of Cool Husband Points i was holding on to 😔

Spending less than 48 hours with your wife after 3 weeks away and then going home and making butter noodles for one and trying not to be sad

stared at browt so much i had a vision

Really quite sick of well-meaning people calling me brave, YUCK

Sometimes when I'm putting on an extra layer so I don't have to turn up the heat, I think about how my boss makes 2x my salary and requires 1-2 business days to write an email recapping our team meeting (not an exaggeration). Once she told me she's barely able to complete one single QA per day.

Time to once again scroll through One Hundred Posts detailing today's state violence and oppression and then clock in and make money for the shareholders

being trans online is like [posts a silly joke] [sees news abt government trying to exterminate us] [like funny post by trans friend] [more news about gov wanting us dead] [repost funny joke] [trans friend shares horrible news about insurance issues/sexual violence/abusive family] [sees funny post]

Can't even watch YouTube on the Chromecast anymore because they've started sending the ads that are like 3 minutes long if you don't take the time to skip them and I'm not scrambling for my phone every 20 goddamn minutes

If god was real you'd never have to sneeze while on your period

I don't think I've ever been more proud of anything I've made. 1 down, 3 to go

JFC he's not bisexual it's just that he only sees sex/attraction from the perspective of power and ego!! He wants the woman he thinks other men want, as a status symbol. He brags about a man wanting to kiss him for a full 2 minutes, because he views it as submission and worship. IT'S JUST NARCISSISM

So the businesses that already passed on tariff costs to their customers will likely be receiving refunds of the money they made *us* pay. And we saw after covid pricing that costs rarely decrease even after the reason for the surge ends. Personally I won't be holding my breath for affordability 😐

Heated Chivalry