This bitch got a fucked up face

Being a teenager with teen angst during the peek teen angst music period was a transcendent experience.

Conan, on his Throne of Skulls

Current Me is really happy Past Me thought to throw a lunchtime joint in my bag.

I have never prayed to you before. I have no tongue for it. No one, not even you, will remember if I was a good kitty. All that matters is that one stood against many. Valor pleases you, Crom...so grant me one request. GRANT ME GLIZZIES. And if you do not listen, then to HELL with you!!

Well, escaped the first round of jury selection. Back to the waiting pool.

This guy refuses to admit that maybe his wife is just a fucking idiot.

Posted up, bitch

Let’s go to jury duty, mfers

I’m about to install the DickSucker 3000

anyway, death to america

Good morning, Baltimore

Proof of move. Useless meetings not so useless @definitelyjustbob.bsky.social

Carry On Wayward Son would have been waaaaaaay better if the lyrics “Masquerading as a man with a reason” were “Masturbating as a man with a reason.“

remember to leave bullet casings out for ashli babbitt tonight ❤️❤️✝️

I have so much important work to do. But now that the house is empty for the first time in two weeks, I want to get high, listen to loud music, and play video games.

Carry On Wayward Son would have been waaaaaaay better if the lyrics “Masquerading as a man with a reason” were “Masturbating as a man with a reason.“

First day back since December 19th, and all I have in the house is decaf.

Love yall

I got new bedding

At Wegmans like "you heard me rapping, now watch me dance"

The illustrated version of Stephen King's "Cycle of the Werewolf" is super dope

going to spray paint a big pink dick on a big pothole in my neighborhood and see what happens

You guys ever think about just how fucking good at rapping Kendrick Lamar is? He's so fucking good at this. It never stops being a thing you are blown away by.

I bought it, guys

I'm going to buy this cool drawer because it's dope as fuck

It's a good day to watch Belly

I follow this doctor on TikTok.. He posts about new doctors every year and gets the ugliest comments.. But he is unbothered as he should be because it’s very cool what he does…

debating using my label maker to apply a "GIRL SPIT" label to my paint additive mix

Snow drifting da looooong way

I cant tell if Welcome to Derry is a bad show or if the wooden acting and bad CGI was a choice.

i dont drink anymore and havent in over a year, but someone gifted me a 4 pack of a DIPA, so here I fucking go. im gonna show dick on main tonight

My BiL got me this shirt, and it fucking rules

Good morning, Baltimore

Hey baby, let me fingerblast you in pitch blackness

Bitch, no it don’t. Relinquish your dumb ass ideas.

no joke. my dad is hunched over his phone reading the news; he’s been quiet all morning until he says without looking up “what’s a gooner.”

im so fucking overstimulated

The Pullitzer Prize Board doing what Democrats should have done 10 years ago.

sure, women get rape threats on twitter for saying Captain Marvel is their daughter’s favorite movie; but someone on bsky said I huff my own farts. so who’s to say what the less tolerant website is

Get 5️⃣ back and you get 👅eaten👅 like 🍪cookies🍪and 👅💦slurped💦👅 like 🍼milk!🍼 Get 1️⃣0️⃣ back and 🟢🎅 the Grinch's big 🍆🍆COCK🍆🍆 will grow⏫⏫ 3️⃣ sizes inside of you!😫😩 Get 1️⃣5️⃣ back and you become Mrs. Claus, and get 🍑🍌🍆yummy 🍒🍭🍼nummy 🍼💦☁️squishy🍼💦☁️ 💧💧cummies💧💧 until next ⏩🌨☃Christmas!🌨☃🎄

SEND THIS TO 🔟 OF UR FAVORITE FAITHFUL 🙏👼 FUCKERS. Get 0️⃣ back and you're a basic 🌑🌑coal-slinging bitch. If you get 1️⃣ back, Santa 🎅🏿 will run his SACK👝👝👝on ur face 😃😃and give you PINK EYE🥹😎 🔴👄🔴.

Here 💦CUMS💦 🎅🏽Santa Claus,🎅🏽 here 💦CUMS💦 🎅🏽Santa Claus,🎅🏽 right down 👩🏽👸🏽slutty girl lane!👩🏽👸🏽🎄🎁 GIDDY UP, JINGLE WHORE 🐴🤠 SEXMAS is here!!! 🤩🎄☃️🎅❄️‼️‼️‼️ DECK 🍆 THE HALLS AND SLURP 💦 THEM BALLS 🏀⚽️ 🏈😩 ‼️‼️‼️‼️. ITS MY FRIEND’S 👸BIRTHDAY❗️. 🎊🎂🎈🎈

Merry Christmas #smokefleet

Ka is a wheel

Happy Christmas, nerds. I hope you get a new John Cena wrestling belt. youtu.be/4feIwig2AtA?...

Merry Christmas. I found a subreddit called Glow Tits and it's chicks putting powerful lights under their tits to fucking make them puppies glow. @tittysommelier.bsky.social you gotta see this shit