I hit pause a lot during movies and sometimes it hits pay-dirt

When you have to watch the ridiculous to detract from the other ridiculousness that runs this country

What in the fuck is this

WE ASS Cam Ward instantly became my favorite player

Teehee fuckface

Logging on

Representing @effinbirds.com best auntie gift ever

Fucking fake rapture have to go into the office today bullshit

I had to change my password this morning at 9 AM and I've had to authenticate myself 52,000 fucking times in the last 6 hours

I'm at the office and I'm wearing a mask and it's causing me to have the eye floaties like I'm getting ready to have a migraine… I don't know if I remember that happening before but it's some bullshit and it needs to stop. Got the full diagonal moving rainbow prism going on

I love this. Email sent 9/23 at 9:53 AM that the hot water will be turned off 9/23 beginning at 9 AM and to plan ahead for this outage. How can I plan ahead when you send it an hour after the start time?

Is it too late to call out for the rapture?

Waiting for the slew of Tylenol lawsuits to come today from the moron right… 🙄

MAGA livid that the President hasn't called for flags to be flown at half staff

I've been off work since Thursday and I don't even know where to begin.

You know who's taste I could give two shits about? Dave Portnoy's. But I get it let him bring all the business whatever

I have multiple competing tiny dicks out front and all I can hope for is premature deafness for all of them.

Things that you shouldn't just happen to realize last minute: 1. you're not wearing pants

Things that don't taste good with a metallic taste in my mouth from the paxlovid: coffee, garlic(oh my God no garlic), eggs, toothpaste, water, anything really I should've just went with anything.

I seriously I'm sitting here in front of a paused movie while scrolling on Reddit with a plate of craptastic breakfast in front of me full of my ADHD glory

Doom scrolling on Reddit when I came across a "words you can't say angry" thread. Which is hilarious because you never met my father. That man could scream sunshine puppies lollipop sparkle ice cream I love you daisies happiness when he was pissed that could scare Satan.

"Something taste off about this omelette". Cheese. You forgot the cheese, moron. You just made a flat unscrambled egg.

Dear gestapo trash:

Goodbye speech to text

1 or 2 more coughing fits and this voice is gone. But for now… it’s a tossup if I’m Patty or Selma

With my hair being short and turning white, this mornings look brought to you by hot dogs

The metallic taste of Pax… bonus

Told my sister she didn't have to rush over with the medication but now it's been 4 hours and I'd like her to rush over with the medication

Show me a picture on your phone that has your energy. Not a selfie.

My head feels like it did after I had my nose broken & fixed. My sinuses are so unbelievably stuffed right now and I hate everything. Also it feels like every muscle in my chest has been pulled. So good times.

Dutch late night TV has its take

Are they though?

I've been told by multiple people to tone it down on social media. Not that I have any sort of following or whatever... but seriously? Fuck them arrest me try to get me fired.

I'm bored but when I stand up I'm dizzy and nauseous and start to cough horribly.

Oh my God I must've slept forever.… Rolls over and looks at clock 1147

Well shit

The Covid test is positive but it expired in 23. Still good?

Today I am supposed to start getting epidural blockers in my back. And I woke up this morning thinking I have Covid.

Remember when Brian Kilmeade said let's murder the homeless and nothing happened to his job? That was awesome

Wednesday mantra

It is genuinely humiliating as an America to have this sour, cowardly, narcissistic lout represent us and to know that so many Americans applaud conduct like this. Just deeply embarrassing.

"I was just running to get my online order" so was I bitch but I didn't park in the fire lane and also back up in the middle of oncoming traffic to park and said fire lane. Twat.