I am about to do a thing and it means logging back into 100 social media accounts. Except Reddit, where I am banned for, and I quote, “Being too toxic for the r/snooker community”

I completely forgot this (and the thread below it) and it made me laugh a lot

My wife has a medical emergency and I could really do with your help by donating / sharing / both. If you follow me & have ever liked any of the stuff I post, this is the best possible way to show that. Thank you. www.gofundme.com/f/medical-co...

Just misread a post by a comics writer discussing Fantastic Four’s The Thing and misread “Thanksgiving” as “Thingsgiving” Which I am all in favour of making a real holiday to celebrate our saviour, Ben Grimm

Zelenskyy, just know you could probably snap both their fat necks and no one would care

A lovely bit of timeline synchro

Every review of AI is like: This isn’t very useful and it makes it harder to do simple tasks than if I just did it myself. Riddled with errors. Can’t see anyone using this. I feel stupider having tried this. That said I believe it will soon make human cognition redundant and eradicate us all.

If you didn’t immediately visualise Arsene Wenger then something is wrong.

The "aging nu metal artist to casual fisherman" pipeline is non-existent. I want to see Jonathan Davis holding a carp.

What’s the best vanity plate you’ve ever seen? I’ll go first

The ONE THING the UK punches above its weight at is the creative industries. Every move either party has made in the last 15 years has been to wreck them.

Can you get rid of the guy that keeps pushing Dull Men’s Club and basketball arguments into my page? I can barely use it for work which is all I have it for now

I watched a fun movie called Coup! on my flight. It’s about a grifter messing with fancy people’s lives in 1918 New York and it’s got a Skarsgaard in. I’m out of the loop on films but I’ve heard literally 0 about it (I picked due to short run time) and I’d give it 4 stars

Four years since my son wrote the best opening to a mystery novel ever written.

A reminder that both Facebook and twitter have been used for wide ranging paedophile rings to be arranged and for images of children to be shared and head offices at both did very little as it would cost money.

i predict that by the end of the year 2025, travel via dirigible will be the order of the day. railroad travel shall go the way of the dodo as hydrogen-filled airships allow intrepid sightseers to travel from new york to chicago within a single day. further, suppers will be electrified

I should have 10,000 followers and all my posts should go viral

This New Year I’m giving up smoking for good. Now I only smoke for evil.

Just lost another fight to the death.

Let’s dispense with the pleasantries, shall we, Mr Bond? You’re a stupid cunt and I fucked your mum

How do I mute words on here? I’d curated my twitter feed to avoid quite a lot of “angry up the blood” nonsense and it’s all over here.

Trolley problem: There’s a runaway trolley bus, heading to a junction. Tied to the tracks are hundreds of people, yelling “pull the lever!” The lever would shift it to a clear track where no one is tied. But the people on the tracks are pronouncing it “LeVVer” not “LEEver” So you see the issue

Literally all of America’s problems stem in some way from some of them opening presents on Christmas Eve

The thing is that Santa knows when you’re awake. So if you see him kissing your mum then that’s a conscious power move that he’s making

Your annual reminder that David Sneddon is an answer in Articulate

It’s like the reverse Mrs Merton/ Debbie McGee. “What first turned you off about the exiled war criminal?”

Seven years ago I wrote a holiday-themed version of “Killing In The Name Of” that RATM could release as a Christmas single. They haven’t recorded it yet but I haven’t given up hope that someday they will

Everyone seems to think the Muppets are wonderful but I think it’s notable that Michael Caine, famously one of the nicest men in Hollywood and a good judge of character, never worked with them again after Muppet Christmas Carol

“And Tiny Tim, who did NOT die” Timothy Cratchit is 191 years old and stalks the streets of London, an unkillable warrior wraith

“And Tiny Tim, who did NOT die” Timothy Cratchit is 191 years old and stalks the streets of London, an unkillable warrior wraith

What’s Enya’s favourite place to watch rugby? Oooooooohhhhh Sale (Away) Sale (Away) Sale (Away)

Then, and I can’t stress this enough, don’t do it.

Unless you read fantasy, then there’s 5 made up words I. The first page and then the hero has your very mundane first name.

@kierongillen.bsky.social bought my dad’s present off Hive. Needed a few quid more to get postage so I’ve pre ordered Power Fantasy

Love Actually (2003) is a beloved Christmas classic but what many fans don’t realise is that the country it’s set in, “England”, wasn’t just made up for the film - it actually exists! It has a population of 69 million people and its chief export is gas turbines.

'Your Uncle Paedo's not coming for Christmas Dinner this year' 'Cause of the Paedo thing?' 'Weirdly, no.'

I’m am starting a political party and it’s a single issue platform: Rebuild the Skylon (1951) but bigger en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skylon_...

Marc is very sweet to have put my book on a list of best things to buy for Christmas. However it’s currently out of stock so just buy his books instead. I promise getting more printed is on my to do list which currently is in the thousands

Can you mute words and phrases on here? And how do you turn off retweets from certain people?

I’ve got a Christmas quiz that i set a few years ago. If you’re having a works party or family get together and you want to ruin it with competitive general knowledge, let me know. If you want to chuck me some money for it, so much the better.

I don’t have kids but if mine asked me where the Elf on A Shelf was, I’d say he only visits children where Daddy is wanted for interfering with children

Just saw an argument online about 3D-printed arms and I’ll be honest it took me longer than it should’ve to realize what the argument was actually about

Probably the best time in history to be a mathematician was around 600 BC when you could get rich just for discovering triangles

Paula indexed my comic book, which is 111 silly little jokes. We both thought it was just the stupidest idea (hence why we did it) but it’s actually become useful to have things like “Monster, Cookie, p37” to go to

Letting in light AND banishing shade? In this economy?

Hot girl: So what's your new book called Tolstoy, aware women like strong men: War Tolstoy, remembering women like sensitive men too: ... and Peace

the woolly mammoth who made a living sticking his trunk through the kitchen window every once in a while so wilma flinstone could do the dishes didn't know how fucking good he had it

Aldi or Lidl should do a massive 10 gallon drum of knock off chocolates and call it Quantity Street.