Great fun was had at our first new act/new material night, aLiS Unspun, so much fun that we’re going to do more of them! Thanks to Jonny Addy, 80s Luke, Niall Baxter, Charlie Ashton, Maff Brown, Mel Medford & Rob Mulholland for making our faces shake. #Stockport #ComedyClub

Join us on Thursday for our very first new act/new material comedy night! MC Jonny Addy introduces a line-up of fresh comedy from brand new comics and a couple of seasoned pros road-testing new material. Doors 7pm; show starts 7.45pm. Tickets are just £3 wegottickets.com/event/650483 #Stockport

Zack Polanski, "Austerity was always the problem, not the European Union" "If we want to solve the problems in this country right now we need to tackle inequality" Kay Burley, "How?" Zack Polanski, "Wealth tax.. Inequality in the country.. People are unhappy and our services are broken"

Time to replay Wolfenstein for absolutely no reason at all...

"No, you buffoon, you simpleton," I cry. "Hoarding is only a symptom of mental illness if you're poor."

This is the most intrusive ad I’ve ever experienced.

I wish there were more of my bones that I could clean than just my mouth bones.

A consumer’s guide to not being duped into buying bad products online: wapo.st/4j6aKd7

I keep arguing with wizards that they could use their powers to feed the poor and cure the sick. But they are insistent that it's much more important that they capture a dragon and get it to fight some children.

It will never not be funny to me that his name is President Fart.

I keep typing 'Bog Monster' and 'Swamp Hag' into Indeed but it's not coming up with any jobs.

I've got a lot of empathy for trans people cos I often look down at my body and think, 'this is wrong.'

Everyday I say "Not today social media. No. I will be productive today!" And yet here we are.

"Heard ya caught yerself an infinity fish. It a big 'un?" I smile & raise my arms up. They extend beyond the horizon. The old man looks on in horror as all matter is enveloped in my eternal sleeves. As the last vestiges of substance disappear I utter the words, "Bout so big".

Real life billionaires are such losers. They've got all that money and not a single one of them has a giant gold coin pit they swim around in.

I've known of Graeme and his talent for years and yet managed to miss this exceptional filmmaking resource he's been putting out - www.unfound.video?r=1qygaq&utm... This will be especially interesting to weirdos, freaks, goblins and ghouls (aka my people).

Despite all of the challenges - legal and meteorological - we did it! After 40 years of damaging deregulation, Greater Manchester has this morning successfully retaken control of the whole its bus network. 🙌🏻

We used to slay dragons.

just learned that shaun the sheep is huge in japan. incredible

Nobody talks about the fact that I didn't throw a single stone while living in this glass house. No, all they talk about is my lack of a shower curtain.

Oh you're not drinking alcohol for January? I'm not drinking anything. I haven't had any liquid for two days and I've got a blinding headache, stomach cramps and all my skin has started to peel off. This is proof of the toxins leaving my body.

"New year, new me!" I shout as I throw out everything that brings me joy. (Not keeping any of my medication cos I'm a new person now with no health issues)

Just lost another fight to the death.