Dear Copilot, SHUSH. 🤫

Is it even Christmas if you haven’t tipped out an entire bin bag of wrapping paper to look for (AND FIND) a hearing aid before 9am? #Christmasmiracle

This is the shortest day everrrrrrrrr.

I happen to know that Father Christmas LOVES this type of request. #collectorsitem #sendhelp

Don’t forget not to bother putting the entirely self-sufficient digital products back an hour!

Apparently, in order for our shower to be installed effectively, we need Nine Inch Nails AT FULL VOLUME. But if it means I can wash my hair the right way up, then hey. I'm not going to argue. 🫧

Kingdom: food Phylum: frozen food Order: ice cream Family: ice cream on a stick Genus: magnum Species: mint magnum

This is the longest day everrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

The 3 stages of British people and the weather. 1. WHERE IS THE SUN? WHY IS IT RAINING? WILL WE EVER SEE SUNSHINE? BRITISH WEATHER SUCKS! 2. YAY! SUNSHINE! SO HAPPY! 3. IT'S TOO HOT. I THINK THE HEAT WILL KILL ME! I WILL LITERALLY DIE FROM THE HOT. WILL WE EVER SEE RAIN AGAIN?

If ever a husband should have been born in the telegraph era, it's this one.

Take glasses off. Put contact lenses in. Put glasses on. WHAT’S GOING ON??! WHY CAN’T I SEEEEEEEEE? Oh. 🤭

If you haven’t already signed, please do.

I don't think I have EVER felt more honoured, @garethpjones.bsky.social! I might go and drop a few more socks to celebrate! 🧦🧦🧦

If there's a word for the smell after rain, surely there's also one for picking up too much washing and dropping one thing and bending down to pick that thing up and dropping another thing and so on and so on? #petrichor #washingpffft

Can I ask a practical question at this point? Are we still going to Mars?

Does holding a book group meeting in a shark tank with a miniature hammerhead hanging off your nose count as an anxiety dream? 🤔 #ALevelseason

Watching offspring do A-Levels. Trying desperately to project Sophie Raworth’s aura of calm, while hiding the fact that I’m 100% Mrs Bennet from P&P.

Could there BE a better song to blast on the way to a History A Level…? (Tudors, obvs.) #Tudors #tenpoletudor #tuuune youtu.be/oyhyboUc0FM

Deciduous is the most boring word that I have ever repeatedly misspelled. (I had to correct this one too.) 🌳🙄

Aaaaaaand on today’s Decision Maths A Level playlist, we have… youtu.be/h4-lKMGII_k #makingyourmindup #bucksfizz #maths

This is an appropriate message for someone sitting a Psychology A-level paper this afternoon, right?

Every conversation on FB Marketplace. Them: Is this still for sale? Me: Yes. Are you interested? Them: Last price? Me: Come up with a number a bit less than the number artificially boosted to take into account imminent price drop. Them: Number so low you couldn't limbo under it. Me: No. Them:

🤭

Bought the audiobook of @johnhiggs.bsky.social’s Exterminate/Regenerate primarily to keep my husband happy on long walks, so delighted to discover that I love it too! #doctorwho #exterminate/regenerate #waitingforthebitwiththejellybabies

'Xylem' has far too many consonants for its own good.

There it is. The clam before the storm.

The existence of Tim Curry and Tim Rice leads me to hope that somewhere there is a Tim Naan.

What’s that you say? My youngest niece has no holiday reading?!!! Panic over! ‘Boys Don’t Knit’ by @tomeaston.bsky.social is now en route! 🧶😅 uk.bookshop.org/p/books/boys...

Is there anything faster than the fingers attached to someone who just tipped the empty coffee pods into the dishwasher tablet bag by mistake?

Daughter has just finished Never Let Me Go (on my recommendation) and is now looking at me sternly and telling me that she’s giving it all the stars, but is going to read about dragon university next. 😬🐉

Goodness. Just the 19 books then. Inc a LOT of joke books. Hilarious. 🙄

Husband back from a trip to the Smoke … WITH BOOKS. 🥰

Only Here, Only Now is such a cracking book, @newlands.bsky.social. I don’t want it to end. 🥰

Best Shakespeare EVER. And yes. Totally having to watch the DVD on the PlayStation like it’s the Olden Days. #muchado #bbcshakespeareretold

I absolutely second this advice from #sophiefromromania and @rorycj.bsky.social.

I swear this is what my husband sees when he attempts to find anything at all in my handbag.

I'm officially a money launderer. I've got £40 on a 30° mixed wash right now.

Whyyyyyyyyyy is everyone suddenly leaving a space before an exclamation or question mark?! Has it spread, like a bizarre punctuation-based disease?

Awwwww. National Rail has wished my daughter a Happy 18th Birthday!

Today, I have decided against nagging and opted for simple instructional photos instead.

Please feel free to imagine the intensely polite, simmering rage of the preceding email, @soverybritish.bsky.social.

TINY bit spooky that my email preview screen now gives me a brief rundown of what’s IN the full email. TINY bit embarrassing that it took me two weeks to realise. #thefuturetoday

Lost my coffee three hours ago. KNEW I’d find it once I made another one. #spotthecoffee

Read all the comments from the good people of Bluesky and switched to #DuckDuckGo. Told husband how thrilling it is. That’ll be why I’ve been using it for 12 years, said Mr Smuggity Smug.

Of all the dinosaurs, the thesaurus was the most mighty, colossal, titanic, gigantic, massive...

Dear people who send emails with a photo that changes every 0.5 seconds, They make me feel as panicky as the NEXT EPISODE STARTS IN 10 ... 9 ... 8 SECONDS QUICK QUICK QUICK button on telly. Thwack! Gone. 💥

If I had to choose between the two headline-grabbing outfits at the Grammys, I'd be painting a cereal box right now.

New series ahoy! Quick quiz to celebrate! Is this series rammed with cool stories featuring: a) the colour beige b) trifle c) INCREDIBLY FUN MATHS AND ILLUSTRATIONS THAT WOULD BRIGHTEN AN APOCALYPSE? @oupprimary.bsky.social @oupeducation.bsky.social