I. Can’t. Wait!

Legal Ruling Forces God To Add Cancer Warning To Earth https://theonion.com/legal-ruling-forces-god-to-add-cancer-warning-to-earth/

It really is staggering to see so many people willing to abandon our 249 year experiment in democracy for an increasingly unstable criminally convicted reality show charlatan.

God Realizes He Forgot To Put Souls In Humans https://theonion.com/god-realizes-he-forgot-to-put-souls-in-humans-1819577785/

Returning Jesus Christ Downed By U.S. Missile Defense 30,000 Feet Before Making Landfall

So basically…. The US has lost all standing in the world… cool cool cool cool cool cool cool

My thoughts on Justin Herbert prior to this year.

Special teams witching hour is crazy!

@sammonson.com is tonight the exploding whale game of 2025 or is it too early for that?

Fewer girls are playing sports after govt erected barriers for girls to play sports. edmontonjournal.com/news/local-n...

“There is no comparable requirement for boys to confirm their gender,” said another parent. “Once again, the onus is placed on girls to be monitored and regulated, reinforcing the idea that female athletes are the ones who need to be verified.”

Bombshell ‘Wall Street Journal’ Investigation Finds Tyler Robinson Once Had Trans Uber Driver

Trump Claims He Can’t Be Expected To Remember Every Birthday Card He Sends To Child Molesters

Nor did anyone from the White House attend the services for those Minnesota lawmakers who were shot in their homes just a few months ago. No flag lowering, no Oval Office statement, and almost certainly no Presidential Medal of Freedom.

Charlie Kirk's body gets a personal escort home from the vice president. Meanwhile, back in April, neither President Trump nor anyone else from the White House bothered traveling to Dover Air Force Base to greet the bodies of four fallen soldiers.

I am sure that means all the far right accounts calling for violence against the left, right?

I put the Jaws theme with the Parsons sack, because I could.

Thank you, Kenny 💚

Pay your taxes through the power of prayer.

ope

@sammonson.com Regarding JCM / BCM How do we feel about Bill Croskey? Guys at @fantasyfootballers.bsky.social podcast have been reviving the old Bill Bradley SNL skit.

I am torn between totally freaking out Michah Parsons is a Packer and sad that Kenny Clark is no longer on the team. I can reasonably see the end was near for Kenny, but losing your favorite player is always hard. Especially since my second favorite player (Jaire Alexander) also moved on

Going to miss Kenny a lot. But the cost to get a player like Micah is likely worth it. Plus- the Packers generally have a knack for getting out of aging players a year earlier than later...

Ways Pckers get around tampering about Parsons. David Mulugheta represents Kingsley Enagbare, who is enterting the final year of his contract. Mulugheta: Hypothetically, what would you offer Enagbare if he had [insert Parsons stats]. Guety: ~$45 million / year

I'll never think of it as anything else again.

This is what's going on y'all. Do not be silent #Resist.

There’s probably no connection between Trump’s post suggesting slavery wasn’t that bad, his restoration of monuments honoring Confederates, and renaming of military bases to honor traitors who believed that it was simply a property right being taken from them without just cause.

OLD: Who was president in 2020? NEW: Is Alaska in Russia?

ideally the american president wouldn’t invade american cities to make us forget he had sex with kids imo

DOJ Removes All Mentions Of Justice From Website theonion.com/doj-rem...

No one will actually see this nor will it happen but… GB trades Marshawn Loyd, Kingsley Enagbare, Javon Bullard, Dontavion Wicks, a 2026 1st plus a 2026 3rd for to Dallas for Michael Parsons. Won’t happen at all but boy would that be fun.

I was promised efficiency. Paying people to do absolutely nothing because you can’t figure out how to fire them is the exact opposite.

an addendum: the official narrative since 2019 has been that their falling out began in 2004, when they both tried to buy the same house in Palm Beach. Trump won but supposedly never forgave him. But Epstein was a Mar-a-Lago member for another three years.... bsky.app/profile/coff...

this is the basic timeline

Historians Confirm Lewis And Clark Set Out On Expedition To Justify Purchase Of Expensive Camping Equipment theonion.com/histori...

So, as I suspected, the police response to the shootings of Democratic elected officials in Minnesota was actually a complete disaster www.startribune.com/new-details-...

Its wild a sitting president is fully supporting pardoning a proven pedophile all because he raped children together will not bring him any peace. It makes it a million times worse!

I've made a timeline of Trump's effort to cover up his Jeffrey Epstein problem. Here's how it ends, so far. www.emptywheel.net/portfolio-it...

Scott Turner: "In 2018, Powell brought down interest rates during the Biden administration, and now he won't even bring it down when the economy is thriving. I don't understand it." (He definitely doesn't understand it.)

No wonder the Pedophile Protection Party shut Congress down early.