All honorable mentions bc none of these were written OR produced by T-Pain

Is Shane Doan's kid like a Han and Ben Solo situation?

“Alex scored for the Habs tonight.” “Which one?” “Yes.”

Canadian soccer legend Christine Sinclair is in Toronto for the Tempo's inaugural game! ⚽🇨🇦 #WNBA

There’s the Bell Centre then there’s everything else

Whoever said "how can you not be romantic about baseball" had clearly never heard of the Montreal Canadiens. The puck hasn't even dropped yet and I'm tearing up.

Knuckles was the exact right person for this moment. I might have been upset with him a couple of years ago but this series needs him in the building

Timothee Chimothee would have had an INCREDIBLE recurring role on 30 Rock as Jenna's dirtbag Floridian brother Billy Ray Johnny Ray.

I didn't even cry, I just went right to runny nose before the tears came down

It appears to be quite loud in the Bell Centre

I've spent the last two weeks wondering who would sing the anthems at the Bell Centre. Congratulations to this man for getting the gig.

Tonight’s lineups #GoHabsGo

Just an electric atmosphere by Habs fans at the Bell Centre 🔥

HAT TRICK OVERTIME GAME WINNER JURAJ SLAFKOVSKY

The CBC/Sportsnet panel hate each other, don't they

I'm on a train and a retirement- aged woman just ordered a glass of white wine. At 9:48 am. Who is this diva?

they got the Church of England supporting the Pope now

not many people know this, but Barilla has a line of 3D printed pasta it sells mostly to the fine dining industry. I don't want the pasta. I want the pasta printer

His name is Bump? His name... is BUMP? I clearly haven't been paying attention to any Flyers players other than Gritty.

If I were Nick Suzuki I would use the 💯 emoji as punctuation from now on

Hello, I made you a feed of your cats watching the Artemis II splashdown bsky.app/profile/did:...

not the crew of artemis ii immediately heading to the duty free shops bc they forgot to bring back souvenirs from their trip

Me: I wish I could have become an astronaut Also me: was dizzy and nauseous for an entire week after a cruise

The link to NASA’s feed. Beyond riveting. www.youtube.com/live/nfhDuOH...

Cole Caufield yesterday on scoring his 50th Habs goal of the season in front of his dad Paul: “It was cool to have my dad in the building and to see his reaction, it was pretty special. That means a lot…”

🎶 Where in the world is

#JustHockeyThings at tonight's Victoire game #pwhl

It's April Fools Day. Never forget

One of you was asking about jeans a few weeks/months ago* and I said I liked my Old Navy Wow Jeans. I take it back. I've had them less than a year and the fabric isn't holding up nicely. *time doesn't mean anything anymore

If any social media managers are reading this: it's not too late to stop planning your April Fools Day prank posts.

We’ve told all the casting agents that the Weird Al biopic sequel is currently on hold, but they just keep sending in headshots.

Cole Caufield, aka “Mr. Saturday Night,” with a 5-point performance against the New York Islanders. 🔥

Does anyone have a gif of Patrick Roy looking upset after that #Habs goal?

Okay and?

A few of my church friends and I were on an organized group trip. Half of us decided to go on a whole-day outing and one girl who wasn't coming with us offered to help pack our lunches. She put one slice of meat in the sandwiches. One. I won't tell you how long I've been holding this grudge.

Anyone else remember Jacqui, who used to work with Nicholas Brendon? I don't know what happened to her after she stopped with him and other actors but I think of her from time to time and I hope she's okay today.

I feel like if I answer this, someone somewhere will just add a post-it note to my file with "Justin Bieber" scrawled on it and underlined

Dolores Huerta's statement on Cesar Chavez: “I am nearly 96 years old, and for the last 60 years have kept a secret because I believed that exposing the truth would hurt the farmworker movement I have spent my entire life fighting for... I can no longer stay silent and must share my own experiences"

Oscar winner, Michael B. Jordan. 🥹

I'm happy for Paul Thomas Anderson as a director but I don't think I enjoyed this specific movie. But it was a wonderful speech.

“No to war, and Free Palestine.” - Javier Bardem just now, at the start of presenting an Oscar.

I was having a good day until I was reminded that the Academy Museum exists. Debbie Reynolds tried for years, decades even, to open a museum of Hollywood memorabilia and it never happened for her. Then the Academy Museum opens a few years after her death. It makes me so mad.

Okay we didn't get Miss Piggy at the Oscars but we did get Grogu!!

My Ides of March fun fact is that the place where Caesar was stabbed is now a cat sanctuary, and I think it’s beautiful that creatures with tiny knives on their feet live there

No less than four people have sent me John Krasinski's "what were you like in the 90s" video. My brand is secure.

I have chocolate cake in the fridge and Patrik Laine is still a Montreal Canadien.

Not now sweetie, Mommy’s sending a scathing work email

Using "alleged" here was certainly a choice.

LOOK THERE'S A LION OH MY GOD THERE'S A LION

an updated debbie downer sketch but it's friends showing her funny videos and she has to respond like this to every single one like this: