The cold went away a few days ago but the post nasal drip is Lingering and Killing Me

Katamari

[The Beast, sharing his streaming passwords with Belle] You can watch anything but The West Wing. It's forbidden

I feel this way about pretty much all vaccine-preventable infectious diseases. You shouldn't be allowed to dump cyanide into municipal drinking water and you shouldn't be allowed to recreationally spread viruses around shared public spaces.

i deserve nuclear arms!!! i dont want to be a person anymore i want to be a global superpower. and i would like a cheeseburger and a milkshake

mods on vacation. time to deep fry a turkey inside the house

"im flirting with the idea" whatever man. im kissing the idea with tongue

If you told 2020 me that in 6 years they'd be able to send messages like this to the co-host of their favorite podcast they'd think you were out of your mind

Full of love

Oh yeah the water came back but now the hot water is broken in both bathroom faucets. Again.

I haven't socialized since Saturday and it's been even longer since I've socialized in person on account of having a cold and it's making the mean voice a little silly

Nothing quite like a lil breakdown in the 20ish minutes before a client arrives 😇

My building's water got shut off with no warning and I just scooped the cats' litter and now have no means of washing my hands coolcoolcool

New hack for getting myself to do chores and keep moving despite pain: wanted an excuse to listen to a playlist I made and just wandered around the house looking for chores to do. Ended up scrubbing my whole kitchen, sweeping the whole house, scooping the cat litter, and folding laundry.

Laundry: in the dryer Clean dishes: put away Trash: out Shower: taken Turns out I'm actually unstoppable???

I'm calling it now -- during the second song of Bad Bunny's halftime performance, It Will Finally Happen.

Never Forget

imdoing this

YAYAYAYAYAY!!!

Managed to cook myself dinner even though I'm sick (okay it's just hamburger helper plussed up with seasonings + parmesan + spinach but it COUNTS)

doctor: well mr. yoda, we fixed the language center of your brain. you should talk totally normal now yoda: thanks dude

I have a cold >:(((((

gonna get through this whole thing without ever learning what the blockchain is

Okay Google: how to ethically become besties with your really cool and nice client

my chemical weapon

when it’s my turn to say “a” at the “a”-saying contest

Later era non-mainline bad Harry Potter book and there’s a wizard character who’s a white hat pedophile named Geoffrey and then a last name that’s just borderline antisemitic.

But it can buy rope!

I just had my first paid client and I'm so proud of myself I'm nearly in tears 🥹

BSKY

There is an actual argument that this curse actually worked.

Weed before cider, you meet the spider. Cider before weed, the centipede.

oh minneapolis hates FOR REAL

WAIT MAYBE IT'S THE FACE WASH???

"I bought it before he went crazy!" You bought your Tesla before the end of apartheid?

Oh I get it. The Epstein files are like the warped tour but for businessmen

Now would be such a great time for my steamdeck to not have been stolen 🥲

Just remembered the funniest screenshot I have saved

penis hilarious penis nefarious asked your mom how her day was call that penis gregarious

🙏🏾

I’m sorry but what did libertarians think that the anonymous money laundering racism coin that you could only functionally use for illicit activity was doing other than this, exactly

Jelly Roll makes music for nurses married to cops

OH YEAH I'm one year clean from self harm!! (I was clean for years but relapsed last January when my ex cheated on me). I'm really proud of myself! Especially considering Circumstances. Man I'm really proud of myself

Friend helped me make cookies to bring to my neighbors so I had a way to introduce myself and get to know them. First neighbor I meet? Furry artist. Fuck yeah brother

Yoooo hell yeah he'll yeah yes dude

dudes rock