🚩Marked safe from the FDA.

At parent’s evening where a load of teachers are going to tell me how wonderful and amazing the sprog is, and having to sit there quietly despite knowing the truth.

Very sad pavement scenes.

That last sentence is to try and avoid giving people refunds. What a cunt.

If you don't reading books with your eyes, read this with your ears instead, it's very good. Then James might hurry up and publish the second one. Also, I just realised I was pronouncing Aedith wrong this whole time when reading it, instead calling her Edith.

This reminds me of the time I swapped a catapult for a literal suitcase full of Beano comics back in the 80s. Bloody hundreds of them, it must have been a good few years worth. I often wonder what happened to them, I reckon my mum just threw them out one day. She's dead now.

This picture can be hung on the wall in much the same way that bricks can’t. (Actually, it’s just going to end up in my portfolio case, never to be seen again, like all my other drawings.)

The BBC are really going out of their way to not call these The Peter Files.

I can’t believe this nonsense is still doing the rounds. The rumour that children are identifying as cats is imported from America because a school was found to have cat litter in their classrooms. The reason? So the kids had somewhere to piss during school-shooter lockdowns. Reform are morons.

The Singularity is upon us: Apple's AI summarized a text message that read "I'm still down to clown if you are" to.... "clown event still possible."

This is how I access Bluesky.

"... and orphanages, and weddings... erm... What else might we hit? Oh, and theme parks."

If you're an estate agent called Aston Fox, you need to come up with a clever way of making sure people know it. astonfox.co.uk

This is necessary viewing

If you like funny people and you like going to events themed around eggs, you could do worse than the MeggaFest Comedy Night!

They'll fix your shoes so you can... 🎶 keep on movin'

Fuck you, Australia. Why can’t you work on normal time.

Can’t have a slushy because the machine isn’t working. Why is it necessary that a slushy machine is run by a computer (although cool that it’s a Raspberry Pi, but ironic there’s no raspberry flavour).

"I'm going to the shop, do you want anything?" "Sure. Where are you going... you know what, I'm ok."

It’s a big old euromillions tonight, so we decided to use the wishbone that’s been sitting on the side for a few days. I think this means we’re both going to die or something.

Up to 40% off everything in the store is happening RIGHT NOW! Let joy be unconfined!

*Doctor looking at my X-Rays* Doctor: Ah, this is exactly what I was afraid of. Me: Oh my God, what? Doctor: Skeletons.

Andrew Tate's twatty video only starts making any sense when you use different music

He looks like the kind of guy who'd come round and service your (fuse) box.

Christ. I know food is expensive, but…

I'm going into town in a minute as I was invited to an art fair. My sister-in-law wanted to see some work done by someone from Love Island or something, but didn't want to go on her own. I'm going to steal so many ideas, mwhuaha! I won't do any of it, too lazy, but I'll definitely be making notes.

The organiser's not on here, but I think you should all learn about MeggaFest! It's an Easter Eggstravaganza in Camden in a couple of weeks. There's a comedy night on the 21st and a family fun day on the 22nd. meggacups.uk/meggafest Here are some animated posters I did...

For the 80s Tech Today @b3ta.com image compo.

"If I was to use ChatGPT for my designs rather than our designer Sean, that's taking money out of the local area into the hands of a multibillionaire ... removing value from the local community and local artists [and] into the hands of some of the richest people in the world." #AIslop #refuseresist

This is interesting because, not that I cared anyway, but I never questioned the ‘hypnotits’ story. He was actually working with women on body confidence, when he was approached by The Sun to do an article on his work. They convinced him to do ‘an experiment’ and misrepresented the whole thing.

It’s actually not that big once you’re in it. Plenty of room for manspreading though. Bit of a disappointment after thinking about it non-stop for 18 months.

I forgot to put away my collection of assorted sticky things. My wife: What’s this box! Me (Thinking. Knowing, as always, there’s a joke to be made) … … It’s my mix tape! Anyway, she’s filing for divorce tomorrow.

I wouldn’t trust their sausages.

I really wish I would expand on my notes so present me would have some fucking clue as to what great idea past me had. I have no recollection of this at all.

Hello. What with pay day and everything, I wondered if anyone might want to buy my #sgtpepper book? Due to some unforeseen extra costs I am now a bit out of pocket on the whole project and it would really help me out if I could just sell a few more copies and my kids can get new school shoes…

Just putting this back out there.

My wife is out for the evening, so the sprog and I took the opportunity to test the other projector screen in the bedroom. This is so good.

Lmao

Just doing some fag-packet maths. Labour lost 25% of their vote trying to chase Reform. Say the 6% of Tories went to Reform, putting them on 20. That means 8% came from Labour. So in trying to keep that 8%, they lost another 17% to the Greens. If this was a business, the CEO would have resigned.

A tribute to Rob Grant by his writing partner, Andrew Marshall. www.ganymede.tv/2026/02/abov...

Just jumped on an important client call, forgetting I had this as my background.

You’ve got to wonder how the news would be different if Reform had won with 41% of the vote. How different the coverage would be, lauding up the right-wing victory, declaring it as a wake-up call for the country. Why aren’t the Greens getting that treatment?

Matt "Good win"? More like Matt Cunt

🚨BREAKING🚨 Robert Jenrick has defected from Reform to the Greens.