Boris are touring 😃 They’re playing Manc the same day I already have a gig 🙁

oh...

Yaaaaasssss

Who taught these freaks the word populist and why are they still breathing

Why are we all cunting off Ben Elton today anyway what’s he done now

EVERYONE STOP WHAT YOU'RE DOING RIGHT THE FUCK NOW AND WATCH THIS

since it's ben elton chat day apparently, ooooooo remembers his health and safety gone mad sitcom the wright way? derek levels of incompetence, that. after life levels of incompetence

a man in the pub once threatened to kick my head in because he overheard me say that i prefer the stones to the beatles. i respect that man more than i respect tony blair

i would defeat tony blair in hand to hand combat. and then i would piss on his corpse

Listening to the album magma by Gojira so jot that down

Rimmer when he says if he could go back to any point in history that he’d be knocking about with napoleon “The chance to march across Europe with the greatest general of all time and kill Belgians. Marvellous.” Funny

We are all aware that fucking time crisis 1 is on ps plus now aren’t we

Glad I didn't ask you then🥺

I personally did not vote in the 2024 US presidential election. In fact, I’ve never voted in any US presidential election and I never god damn will

Bouncy castles are bad now are they

Watching big thief tomorrow so I would really appreciate it if the weather would behave itself. @aaron.bsky.team @safety.bsky.app please sort this

Annoyed he blocked me last night for reminding him of that time he liked racist tweets about Diane Abbott (because he is a racist) because I’d quite like to call him a cunt again

I’m very very depressed and really want out but I also want to celebrate when Tony Blair dies

You see in Manchester, England, United Kingdom, we have these things called bars where you exchange money for beverages. Only in NY fuckin’ C!

I didn’t even know she was ill! @hignfy.bsky.social #fbpe #gtto #divorce

i just can't understand it. all i said was garlic bread

got a fan going at full blast and it's blowing my luscious locks around like in a shampoo advert and it is still TOO FUCKING HOT

heh, i guess you could say i have a dark sense of humour, unlike all you woke easily offended snowflakes. but if you dare to even think about making a joke about ricky gervais i will follow you to the bowels of hell and i will end you

once i was walking out of manchester oxford road station and andy burnham bumped into me and said sorry mate. not a funny story. not an interesting story. a story so dull it barely qualifies as a story. but it's a true story. @matt-forde.bsky.social you can use this one in your act for a fiver

Sweating like that bloke in the popular American comedy film Airplane! (Zucker, Abrahams, Zucker, 1980)

Well I’ve been insta blocked by the notorious racist @twlldun.bsky.social for pointing out that he is a racist. Only in NY fuckin’ C!

When you get called out for liking racist tweets about Diane Abbott and desperately need an excuse

Mad how the only people still defending Starmer are all on the transphobe mutelist innit

Buddy met my granddad today and they were apparently very taken with each other. This was apparently taken within ten seconds of them meeting

Should I get a burger or a kebab for tea pls

Ahahahaaha fucking hell

Is out of touch still a bigoted slur? Not been here for a while

They genuinely can’t see why they are so hated

It is 8.09pm and it is still TOO FUCKING HOT

lol

Ahahahahaha

Someone hit me up with all the lists and labellers pls I don’t know how to search for them

MISERY SHE NEEDS ME OH OH BUT I NEED HER MORE

Met a nice cockapoo at the pub called Arthur

Yer da thinks Starmer’s doing a good job under very difficult circumstances

lol

lol

Any you bastards live in Glasgow? Going there for Metallica next month and the cheapest hotel I can find is 200 quid. How cheap/ feasible is it to go further out and get somewhere cheaper? Alright cheers

Pixies are in town tonight but I think there’s a genuine chance I’d pass out if I went

Going the pub whether you like it or not

British journalism, Eddie. Best in the world.

Hi @aaron.bsky.team @safety.bsky.app it’s too hot