No one seems to care about Dane. Not even the listeners. #TheArchers

“I’ve just cheated on my boyfriend …. and my turkey baster.” #TheArchers

I thought Chris was on a treadmill at the gym then. But no... something to do with bellows? #TheArchers

Helen returns from her visit to the Fox and Shagger #TheArchers

Hours of fun to be had with this headline generator. Just don't have anything you actually need to get done today

Create your own headline with @martinnicholls.bsky.social 's Allister Heath headline generator tool. Very distracting

"Black shawls, black kitchens, red faces in Abruzzi, hams hang from the ceilings in Abruzzi, tortured to death after a winter in Abruzzi, he who ate oranges in the snows of Abruzzi." —Valzhyna Mort, "Winter in Trastevere"

Little girl on the tube peels a Baby Bel. "Daddy, how long is your tongue?" He hesitates. The train's crowded and silent. "Is it longer than mine?" She sticks hers out. He pauses and opts for "Maybe." Wise

Hell. The penny drops

An American friend went to a wedding where the happy couple were still thrashing out the details of the prenup the day before. Here's hoping 🤞#TheArchers

That was savage… and yet, at the same time, fair comment. Brazil/High Wycombe…Jude…Toby… bailing out on rewilding. I think flake just about covers it #TheArchers

Very good explanation from Wendy Joseph KC, former Old Bailey judge #wato Interested to note that she's a strong supporter of the jury system, too

The former Prince Andrew, now officially known as Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor-who-has-repeatedly-denied-any-wrongdoing

There were several worried-looking men with flowers in the supermarket. One had gone for two dozen roses in a box. Another for a large mixed bouquet. A third with roses and white flowers. Whatever their choice, their brows were furrowed. #Valentines

Having had a chat with @keriwarbis.bsky.social, I'm calling it. Brine followed Ruairi out of the pub, saw him hit George, called 999 and has been furious with Ruairi ever since. Ruairi doesn't know that his Dad knows. God, this is BRILLIANT. It's like Christmas Eve, I'm all a-quiver. #TheArchers

Not sure i believe Brine’s confession tbh. Is he converting for someone else? #TheArchers

Aha, George has downloaded the episode from BBC Sounds. Smart move! #TheArchers

whoah! #TheArchers Best episode ever

My father was an author albeit in a niche genre. If he saw any of his books on sale in a bookshop he'd get them off the shelf, take them to the cashier & offer to sign them. Whilst most bookshops were ok with this, the curious thing was no one ever asked him to show any ID. He could've been anyone.

"It's okay Jim, you don't need to apologise for my feelings. I can handle them. You DO need to apologise for your racism though."

Amber and George were walking and talking when he suddenly notices Fallon. Amber assumed she was going back to her cottage — but was she really? George then said he’d keep walking for a bit longer. Could he have followed her to Lilian’s? #TheArchers

Blimey. You kind of want it to be the other way around: for Justine to win gold and Julia to come 80th. #winterolympics

💯 agree. Much as she dislikes her coercive mother, it's no surprise some of her ways have rubbed off #TheArchers

Brilliant

Any #TheArchers fans who want to have a quick squint at the article - it's on Pressreader which you can access for free if you have a library card (search for your Borough when it gives you the option to sign in via your library). www.pressreader.com/uk/radio-tim...

🥇🥇🥇

This is absolutely insane. The sort of Kafka-esque nightmare you would find in a Philip K Dick book set far in the dystopian future. A window on America tumbling into autocracy. www.irishtimes.com/world/us/202...

having a career lobbyist as director of communication during the biggest ever lobbying scandal maybe not a tenable position to hold.

Badly done, @greenparty.org.uk @zackpolanski.bsky.social Badly done.

Interesting piece addressing 'political instinct'. (From September 2025) politicsuk.com/news/labour-...

news.sky.com/story/invest....

I'm glad there's an option for adrenaline-junkie deer.

"After careful reflection, I have decided to resign from the government. "The decision to appoint Peter Mandelson was wrong. […] "When asked, I advised the Prime Minister to make that appointment and I take full responsibility for that advice." Unconvinced. Starmer should take responsibility surely?

He and Cummings now have the chance to create the most god-awful podcast together.

McSweeney quits

Found some creative suggestions on Reddit for getting out of a #FebruaryFunk. For eg: - Use a random address generator, then go draw whatever's at that address. - Pat one different dog every day. - In a clothes shop, try on outfits that are deliberately NOT your style just to see how they look

Grandson getting into the swing of the Winter Olympics and practising his curling sweeper skillz 🧹

Man fitting a water meter for me: 'You could always get a water… butt, is it?' Suddenly doubting himself and 😳 he might be talking inappropriately about butts in my kitchen

That‘s the spirit.

Letter from the NHS arrived - a standard thing about bowel screening. The letter had blood on it 😱😱😱 Haven't taken a picture because the blood was right next to my name and address. Yukk.

The traitor within....

#Secretgenius - two things struck me. How fast they got the answers and: it was filmed near me at Pitzhanger Manor in Walpole Park. Ealing on the telly!

If George and Amber were to break up for some reason, I would laugh my socks off if it meant George got together with Esme and got Meadow Farm instead of Josh. #TheArchers

Josh, making sure no one takes advantage of Esme - unless it's him. How chivalrous 😏 #TheArchers

Imagine what a complete tit you have to be to come off as the unreasonable one whilst talking to George. #TheArchers

A ring-necked parakeet lands on a twig far too spindly for its weight. It styles out being flung into the air like a pole vaulter. #Sauntering

Jeffrey Epstein gave up I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter in 2012

North Utsire, South Utsire: Sleazy pancakes

In light of this, I’m calling on Keir Starmer to ban social media for the over-60s, the only sensible response.

BTW the EASIEST way to convince a pet-owner the NHS shouldn't be privatised is to ask them how much their last vet bill cost.