Would laugh if Arteta quit Arsenal to join City now it seems that Guardiola is off.

In a bar in Lanzarote watching a match between Barca and Real Betis. The latter are fielding Isco, who I think we were linked with under Martinez? I certainly remember anticipating a chant: "Let's all have a disco With Atsu, Baines & Isco" ...which gives you an idea of how long ago that was.

Jodie Comer at the game. Sole highlight so far. #EVESUN

Cue more performative rage from that red Irish blert. #ASTLIV #EvergreenTweet

I see Finisterre have brought out their summer range. *examines contents of bank account* *sighs*

Oops.

Good grief, #Lancashire.

Really not sure who I want to lose this one more. #LIVCHE

FFS. Starmer, if you'd stuck up for immigrants instead of presenting them as "an issue to be addressed" you / we wouldn't all be in this mess.

Looking at the respective run ins, its got to be Arsenal's title.

Another Thierno Barry masterclass, eh lads? Lads?

Just ordered an Uber. Not sure the driver doesn't realise we can see he's stopped at the local McDonalds drive thru on the way to collect us. *fumes*

Amanda Holden has just pressed her golden buzzer live in ITV. #WouldPayToWatch

Just seen the Forest score. Spurs must be getting ever more twitchy.

Post you in another country: Angkor Wat, Cambodia

Balls. Been umming and ahhing about an olive green Barents jumper from Finisterre. Finally got the cash together and they've sold out. Grrrr.

Pulled up after less than 500m at Parkrun today. I've had worsening knee problems for a while and despite taking painkillers before setting out I immediately knew I should stop. I'm 60, old age is creeping up on me. Doesn't feel good.

Any Detectorists fans on here? Currently watching ep 1.

This is remarkable and marvellous

Thought I'd mosey over to Shelbyville and take a peek at the live feed from that that performative Irish blert who's always on Slot's back I've got the sound off - life's too short - but fascinating to see the sheer negativety in the cascade of comments in the feed. www.youtube.com/watch?v=FR90...

Ah, hay fever, my old pal. It's been a while.

Balls. Half five on a bank holiday weekend. Opt for a quiet pint, go for the Black Dragon, as I like a nice hand-pulled dark ale. Note that the ABV is north of 7%, but order nonetheless. Barman presents me with a golden pint: turns out it's cider, which I loathe. How's your Easter werkend started?

Missing James Burke, here. #Artemis

I'm old enough to remember the original Apollo missions. Amazing to be able to watch the countdown to the next one after all this time.

I'm 60, and one of my earliest memories is of my dad taking me into the back garden to stare up at the moon to see if we could see the men walking on it. I'd have been about 4 at the time. The 4-year-old in me is absolutely thrilled I'm sending my name up there, even if I can't go myself.

I reckon her pupils are trolling her. "Miss! Miss! Look at me, I'm a cat!" "No, Miss, look at me - I'm a hologram!" "Miss, Miss! Look at me! I'm a little hat!" "Miss - I'm the reincarnation of Engelbert Humperdink!" "Miss! I'm a day trip to Bangor!"

Cort Jr playing her first headline gig tonight at the Black Heart in Camden.

Greetings from Singapore Changi Airport, where it would appear Dwight McNeil's side-venture is proving predictably popular:

Yep, you read that right: the Cambodians have a drink called "Krud".

Just seen the line up. Got my special shoes lined up:

When in Cambodia...

Greetings from Cambodia, where the great and the good are draping themselves in the latest fashion wear. Coming to a Hill Dickinson Stadium near you very soon. #BooingShoes #HugoBoos

Mrs cort too tired to make it down for dinner. I, on the other hand, am on my second dessert. #winning

We're on holiday in Cambodia. Rather more civilised than the Dead Kennedys had it in their song.

Oof

"Roses are red Roobarb and Custard..."

Arfing at this graph, and the latest score.

Had this email from Amazon in my personal email inbox today. The layout and domain (Amazon.jobs) look legit but the whole thing feels very dodgy. Why would Amazon build a database of potential hires? If they really were impressed with my CV, why not mail my work email or connect on LinkedIn? #dodgy

I work for myself, and worked all day yesterday as I've a load of stuff I need to get done. Woke up this morning, and for some reason thought today was Friday. FML.

Watching Ross Noble at the Palladium. Half time. Reckon half his material so far has just been ad libbed. Brilliant.

Thought this was Jonathan Pie for a moment.

Pretty disappointing website: www.suspenders.com Pfft.

Fond memories of working at NTL, woman rang up screaming at me. Her husband in background shouts at her, “don’t talk to them like that. They’re on fuck all” Then he takes phone off her, and gives me a line which I have used myself since “Do you have a manager you dislike intensely I can speak to?”

Cort Jr just secured me a ticket to see Rush at the O2 Arena in March 2027. Not long to wait, then...

My elderly mum gets the Telegraph out of habit and for the crossword. Goodness me, what a dreadful read. Sports section dominated by rugby, for a start. Letters page packed with real life Sir Bufton Tufton missives about "European subjugation". Not a world I want to inhabit.

Anyone on here put their running shoes through a washing machine? Advisable? Not advisable? Did a parkrun yesterday through a quagmire and my shoes look like they served at the Somme.

What's the best cheese to put on pancakes? Come to think of it, if you're going all-in savoury, what's the best type of mushroom and best type of ham / bacon? Vote now.

After promising myself I wouldn’t binge watch episodes 3-6 of Small Prophets in one go after trying to ration myself to one episode an evening, guess what I’ve just done? What a joy. Perfect telly. No idea what the second series will bring.