‘Yeah. Sorry I’m late. I’ve been watching how pre-packed sandwiches are made on a production line on Instagram.’

Strength: relaxing Weakness: not relaxing enough

Broke a tooth on a carrot stick today. You try to be healthy and look what happens. It’s a sign.

What a slick mess of nonsense #RunAway is on Netflix. Deary me.

Last week at work in a break I was reading an article about The Cribs and, a couple of hours later, the guy who wrote the article walked in. Might try reading something by Bryan Ferry next week to see what happens. 💫

Haribo Tangfastics for breakfast.

What nobody has realised so far, is that within one of the contestants there’s a secret Claudia. #TheTraitors

just emailed all my colleagues but instead of attaching the correct file with the pertinent details i seem to have sent all twenty of them this image of robin gibb:

Who knew Miss Ellie Ewing was a lesbian? #TheTraitors #Dallas

Actually love my job, but prefer eating trifle for breakfast at 10am and watching old films all day in my pyjamas.

London in the good old days - before everyone's feet pointed forwards.

Watching the new Titanic thing on BBC iPlayer. The very lovely Adam is in it (he’s my cousin’s partner). It’s all done very well and is interestingly using actual detailed written accounts. 🧊🚢

Day 1 of being a totally different person. Cannot wait.

London fireworks be someone shuffled a weird playlist in a chaotic not co-ordinated whatsoever sequence with the splendid visuals. LONDON IS DRUNK. #HappyNewYear

‘Why are you always tired?’ I’ve been alive every day since I was born. It adds up.

Hate freeloaders who join in the New Year's Eve countdown for the last 10 seconds. I've been doing this all year. Where were you back in May

PUB

Striding through town with ‘Touch Me’ by Rui da Silva blasting in my earholes and feeling like I’m in a video.* *of a geriatric tottering along pavements towards a pub to meet a university friend

A little light viewing for the morning.

Son brought me a cuppa this morning and found me wearing sunglasses in bed. This was due to a headache. And not a Christmassy hangover either. Have had no booze for two days. I know. How very saintly.

‘The Ridge’ on BBC iPlayer, however, very good (so far, having watched 1 episode).

Made the grave error of trying to watch the detective series ‘Patience’ on Channel 4. Deary me. Clunktastic. Ditched.

Spanish film idea. A woman sees her son wrongly imprisoned and immediately sets out to have him released. It's called Bye Juan, Get Juan Free.

Absolutely at this point cannot envisage dealing with ever working again instead of drinking endless cups of tea/glasses of booze and scoffing snacks various whilst watching tv as am doing every waking hour currently.

Murder She Wrote PG Tips Pork pie 💫

Quite the thread, this.

This is a great listen 💫

Wisdom from the old man

Currently watching

#WouldILieToYou ideal contestant line-up should be selected from this lot: Bob Mortimer, Henning Wehn, Miles Jupp, Limmy, Kevin Bridges, Matthew Holness, Harry Hill.

What every Boxing Day household is probably watching, I’m sure. #NothingToDeclare

Great start to the day with a watch of a top favourite film 🥕

Anyone done any boxing yet?

Watching ‘Carry On Cleo’.

And, for all you naysayers and doubters… You definitely SHOULD put a cross in the bottom of your Brussels sprouts. As it is in homage to the crucification of Our Lord who died on this day to save us all.

Suppose I should get up in a minute.

He's m ng ist He’s check ice He find ou naught ice Norman Collier is comi town

I know which way I’m going…

Peak Christmas inter-generational activity happening. Daughter teaching my mother how to use her DVD player. 📀

Dancing around to ‘Keeping the Dream Alive’ on the Port 🫡 🎄

Might have a Port.

Me waiting for Father Ocado to bring me my Christmas this morning.

Christmas lights and trees everywhere. Beautiful buildings. Cherry beers. Great food. First day in wonderful Bruges done and loved. 🇧🇪 (Off to The Basilica of the Holy Blood this morning).

Massive props to the guy at our school Christmas end of term karaoke who performed ‘Time’ by Pink Floyd on stage in the hall to all staff. A top favourite moment. 🎄

Hello. My name is Keri. I am going to Bruges tomorrow morning. I have never been there. Do you like Bruges? Please can you tell me good things to do and see there? Thank you. 🇧🇪

Wednesday

I'm slightly obsessed with reading one star reviews on Google Maps. I've just seen a great one for a bench in a public park which made me laugh. It simply says "one of the benches I have sat on in my life". I feel this sums up the futility of a life which leads you to review a bench on Google Maps.

I’ll tell you who used to be afraid of Christmas - Noel Coward.

Tin foil. Very noisy, isn’t it? Cheers.