I thought this post was about something VERY different at first glance...

Tonight's dinner: baked fennel and lemon orzo. Pretty easy, pretty tasty.

I've been watching too many crime dramas. I just saw someone pull up on a motorbike and my first thought was "oh no someone's about to get shot".

Andy Burnham really coming after the bluesky thirst contingent by not having hot lectern guy; he must resign

I've been thinking about this sign for 6 months. a phrase I'll treasure forever. a metaphor with boundless potential

Fusion food abomination for dinner: my already quite liberal interpretation of vegetarian chilli, served with raita.

I should get in the shower...

use a gif, vid, or pic to describe your mood today! 🖤

This doesn't have a good vibe about it...

My friend said she saw a nocturnal mammal defecate in a French River.. I told her that's bat shit in Seine.

RuPaul's dress in this week's All Stars looks like it was made in a "90s Christmas in the UK" alternative materials design challenge.

This is my favorite reply of the day but you gotta click through for context

Q: How many Scotts does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None because he paid an electrician to do it 😭.

If I could get fit without doing exercise that would be great, thank you.

Never have I felt so represented on screen

Me talking about the recent heatwave.

Wholesome.

🚨 Only Connect is back 🚨

An underappreciated bad thing about summer is having to cut your fingernails every bloody day.

Honestly rate yourself: I'm not doing this with numbers Looks: We're all someone's type Creativity: I'm a creative problem-solver but not very imaginative Humour: I think I can be pretty funny, but sometimes my humour is a bit... niche

If someone could invent blackout blinds that let air through but don't flap in the breeze, that would be great.

I'm such a good boy. I've been home alone for 3 nights and haven't had a takeaway once.

You think you know a channel.

Imagine seeing this in real life. You'd know right then in that moment you'd never see anything better.

I am a tired tired boy this evening.

People are naming their daughters Vienna??

Apparently I'm in the top 30% of restaurant reviewers on Google. Move over, Jay Rayner.

The problem with working with a fan on all day is it's making my tinnitus go crazy 😑.

Someone must have done a real stinker...

Came close to losing a fight with flying ants trying to bring in the laundry earlier.

I don't actually feel hot, but I'm still in the bedroom with the AC on because I have it running in preparation for the other half getting home and I feel like it's a bit of a waste if it's cooling an empty room.

Your last saved celebrity pic is your therapist. Very consciously decided that Shabana Mahmood doesn't count as a celebrity...

I used a new shampoo this morning and I can't get over how much I like how my hair smells.

I've not heard the new Madonna album yet and I wasn't at the Robyn concert last night. Maybe I'm straight now?

Every year I regret not booking time off for my birthday and never remember for the next year. So here I am, working 🥺.

If there was not a picture of a cat, this skeet could have been any of you talking about your boyfriend or smthin smh

I couldn't find my open bottle of whisky earlier. Did I finish it without remembering? Did I put it somewhere stupid absent-mindedly? Is the other half hiding it from me? No: I had forgotten I'd put it in the fridge during the heatwave last week.

As a little boy, I always dreamed that one day I'd spend half my workday logging in to Microsoft Authenticator.

Pronouns: He/him Location: Didcot Height: 6'2" Sign: on the dotted line Sexuality: Gay Taken: A Liam Neeson film (yes) Fave food: None Smoke: Former Tattoos: None Piercings: None Fave colour: Orange Music: I'm out of the loop on music, so anything pre-2010 DMs: Pls distract me from this existence

Good morning. I am sneeze.

What would you serve with meatloaf? Genuine question, not a joke about the singer.

One of the sliding doors on our fitted wardrobe has been off its runner so long that it's worn its own groove in the wooden frame. I just think that's such a good metaphor for finding your own path in life. #deep #profound #joinmydefinitelynotapyramidscheme

What’s it like inside your head?

Why has no one genetically engineered garlic that's easy to peel?

I'm going to have a long intense session in front of my computer today. Sorting out my budgeting and mortgage spreadsheets 🤓.

Nice out.

I am on a train. Unfortunately, so are other people.

Erm... #WorldCup2026

With the amount of green circle posts I'm seeing on Instagram, you'd think there was a heatwave turning the gays feral.