Why are flowers so expensive? Why are you charging £30 for a few bits I could dig up out of a grass verge?

Put it in a Supersoaker and squirt it out of harm's way.

Catching up on last night's Drag Race. Someone needs to book Ru in at Specsavers.

well this fact led me to one of my now favourite succinct Reddit posts

Looking forward to this!

Discussing potential career changes I could make with the other half. Him: "Well, you don't really like people..."

We're all seeing the same thing in that image, right?

All of a sudden, it seems a lot of the people I follow are into F1? Is something important going on today or something?

One week from now I'll be at Heathrow waiting to fly off for two weeks and the anticipation is through the roof.

Is there anyone with a dirty bedsheet fetish that I can convince to change my bedding for me?

Someone recommended we do a tea tasting in Taiwan, where they're so particular that they brew and serve different teas at the matching "right" temperature. But the only right temperature for tea is "this would give second degree burns to lesser humans".

Why am I being given adverts for resorts in Dubai? I'm not keen to go there at the best of times...

I bought a new sweatshirt at the weekend. Didn't realise I'd be able to camouflage with our sofa in it.

found the person in charge of food delivery substitutions

I was browsing for a new suitcase last night and was struck by a review: "NOT DESIGNED FOR WOMEN: doesn't have enough space for shoes and toiletries." Because I am forever traveling barefoot and/or unwashed...

Grow up. #WorldBollardAssociation

We rearranged our plans to today. The trains are buggered again.

I spent yesterday afternoon with a big group of my university friends and their children. There was lots of chat and boasting about Lego collections. Among the dads, not the kids, of course.

I am so far from being able to do this, he may as well be flying.

The other half decided I was behaving tired and grumpy so he'd do dinner. I didn't realise it was showing, but I'm not complaining.

I'm sure I've commented on this before but I am perpetually traumatised by how much Nigel Farage looks like my dad.

Whenever someone on Masterchef: The Professionals says they're a private chef, replying "a chef for money".

"Bluesky doesn't have the juice." "Real media access is still only on Twitter." "No one important uses or will ever use this site." Skill issue. If you post good, the right people will figure out how to get in touch with you.

Really quite tempted to go back to bed...

The other half just said he'd be taking a Lumo train to Newcastle. I replied "oh, the Lowest Unoccupied Molecular Orbital one?". The LOOK he gave me... (It's a chemistry joke.) (A bad one.)

Nice out.

Happy Willy Wonka Experience Anniversary to all who are celebrating.

Something about Sonic being just 10 years older than GTA makes me feel weird.

Why do I have to pretend that I'm going to print something in order to save it as a PDF. Why do I have to engage in a little ruse.

Well, I've been on this site for over a year and have just been followed by my first "sugarmommy". I was tempted...

Chicken kyiv go boom.

People say "be gay do crimes" but when its Peter Mandelson you're all suddenly opposed are you

Me too

15C?! I can't wait.

What's in my glass? Difficulty level: hard

When I tell you I was not prepared for literally the second post in this thread

Awake! At 5 am

Maxxmogged?

Why was I awake with "I'm in Love With an Alien" from Drag Race UK versus The World going round my head on loop at 4 in the morning?

Beer or wine... Such a dilemma.

This is one of the worst opening paragraphs I have ever read, thanks

2026 basically

I know I shouldn't be complaining about these things in austerity Britain, but why have the council been going round my cul-de-sac with a roadsweeper since 6 am?

Oh yet again I didn't think of something I could even jokingly try to give up for Lent until after it started. What could I give up that I haven't already done today? Eat chocolate? No... Drink alcohol? No...

Throwback to Leo Varadkar's 3 calorie pancake. No kidding, there's more nutrition in steam. I'm saying Durex saw this and went back to the drawing boar Last time I saw something this pale and sickly looking, it was lighting matches one at a time in front of a shop window on a cold winter night

Got there in the end, and it was worth the wait. Aubergine and tamarind curry.

Recipe: "the sauce should be thick and luscious after about 20 minutes" The sauce after 40 minutes: thin and watery.

All day, I was planning to take advantage of the good weather by going for a run after more than two weeks off. But then I finished work with a (very, very minor) headache and feeling cold so I've abandoned that idea in favour of lying on the bed.