INVENTOR: promise you won't change anything if I let you use the time machine ME: I promise [later, watching baseball] ANNOUNCER: please rise for the singing of our national anthem SINGER: *clears throat* stop, collaborate and listen

Time to cancel your Paramount+.

Morning everyone. Do you know that your President just exempted himself, his family, and all his family's companies from our tax laws? You are subject to the law. Now he is not. No one should not pretend this is okay or normal. It's an ongoing constitutional crisis.

I’m sorry if this makes you mad but current world events have increased the price of gaslighting by almost 200 percent.

Any President that sues his own government, while in office, should immediately be impeached.

Also fuck Mike Johnson for saying politicians can't survive off $175k salaries but they expect citizens to live off $40k or $7.25 an hour. Fuck all the way off

When the doorbell rings.

Oh, we're half way there Oh-oh, livin' on a prayer

I made a starter pack go.bsky.app/3Xf79hC

Every day I try to live, laugh, love, but mostly I just scroll.

Oh to be a bunny eating grass in the morning dew

40 out of 50 dentists agree that fractions was a waste of time.

He is disgusting.

The ultimate water sausage compilation:

I survived dial-up and disco. I’ll survive this, too.

These people make me laugh daily and all deserve a follow go.bsky.app/8pZS7se

My joints predict the weather better than any app.

sometimes posting a thought is just the only way to stop thinking it. it's the world's problem now

Perilous journeys of the utmost importance

Fine, thanks for asking

Retired, but still extremely opinionated.

I'm awake and I don't wanna be.

Fine, I will be the CEO of Tesla.

Me: *eats a fruit and swallows its seeds* The seeds: hehe perfect Me: *poops in a toilet* The seeds: no wtf

Love to see it !!!