Oh we are doing BUBBLES ce soir. 🛁🫧

Agreed to go see the new Silent Hill movie tomorrow night with some friends so I’m watching the first one to catch up as I’ve never seen it before and it is soooooooo bad. Holy shit. I cannot believe anyone in this movie could have been serious about this.

Conspiracy Theory: Tumblr is trying to turn me straight. I follow, like, and reblog exclusively naked men blogs and posts. GAY STUFF. And every day they shove naked booby ladies into my “For You” tab despite nothing about my usage patterns that would suggest I’m interested that type of content.

Listen, I HATE typing long messages on my stupid phone because the keyboard changes spellings and fucks it up generally and my thumbs hurt so I leave voicenotes but ALSO I ramble and you are gonna get a podcast.

I finally got a Victory Royale in the new Fortnite (not OG) **with** a Victory Crown that I snatched from someone. Funniest bit though is that I didn’t even realise I was down to the last 2 players until I won.

My new noise cancelling earbuds are so good that I can hear my neck bones scraping together when I move my head.

Feeling a little lethargic today, but I got 10hrs sleep last night (with a little help from some Promethazine) so that feels good.

Why are you plucking out a quote from over a year ago? Why are you **STILL** hounding this man about his sexuality 30 years later? He's said he's straight. He's been married to the same woman for 16 years and has 4 kids with her. Can you fucking leave him alone?

Holy shit. I feel more relaxed than I have in a long time. That was an amazing idea.

Fuck it. I’m having a bubble bath.

Morning. My body is still in “I’ve given up mode”. Sleep didn’t really help me feel less exhausted so its a couch and blanket day for me.

Fell asleep sitting upright on the couch. Turns out I am EXHAUSTED.

Got my haircut and beard trimmed by the new guy at my Barbers today. He was very pretty.

One thing that drives me nuts about living outside of London is that nobody walks on escalators.

Agnes... SIX interludes?

Peeing your pants as a kid: shameful, embarrassing, everyone bullies you. Peeing your pants as an adult: sexy, an opportunity to farm attention online, men love it.

Got my haircut and beard trimmed by the new guy at my Barbers today. He was very pretty.

Help us make hope normal again. Join the Green Party now.

People are being *really* deranged about the Beckhams and it’s making me feel like I’m in the Twilight Zone. A Billionaire mother and her child have a public spat, and the response from the public is to buy her music and send her more money??? In *THIS* economy??

But I’m a Cheerleader With Big Naturals (1999)

What a rancid day. Dark, rainy, cold, miserable as hell. I loathe winter so much.

Bullying works.

Did she dress as a couch for Halloween?

Logging in and seeing that people are getting overly-invested in famous Billionaire family spats.

God, playing Fortnite after work hours is fucking exhausting. People are soooooo SWEATY. Chill the fuck out?!

A couple days ago I was reclined on the sofa, feet up on the pouffe, and went to stand up to go get a drink and my knee POPPED. It hurt for about a day, and now it crunches every time I bend it. Is it fucked??

The Dopamine, she evades me.

To the tune of Kelis’ “Caught Out There”: “I have no impulse control! I have no impulse control! …AAAAHHHHHHHH!!! I HAVE NO IMPULSE CONTROL!!”

This is why I will not have Tik Tok in my life. I cannot be trusted.

Fuck. Accidentally swiped through Instagram reels until 4am. Gonna be feeling that one all day today.

Men are so hot.

I think I may have firmly decided on my first tattoo.

Soon.

Every video for each of Slayyyter’s current era of songs is so fucking striking. The cohesiveness is cohering. I truly do not think I’ve been this into the aesthetics of an artist’s era since Born This Way. AND she directed 2 of the videos herself, and hand made her own costumes. Talk about gumption

When Slayyyter said “finally bought my brand new tits” she wasn’t kidding. Miss Boobiana in her new video. I’m obsessed. This new album is gonna kill me.

Watching The Traitors Uncloaked and I still can’t believe that the makeup artists haven’t caught up with HD TV. There is no blend or finesse. It is literally slapped on.

Todays plans: 1) Listen to Slayyyter’s new song 60 times 2) Eat Sushi

God I love watching The Traitors. What a fucking addictive show. I think I would *CRUMBLE* if I was on it though. Just melt into the floor joists.

Manifesting.

Barbenheimer was something that organically developed in the cultural conversation. It was a bit of fun. PR/Marketing teams capitalising and glopping onto cultural trends and forcing them into the cultural conversation is not fun and actually ruins fun. Stop doing this.

I hate to give credit to Meta for anything since they’re so evil, but I do have to say that I love whatever they did with the new Instagram algorithm. My discover page is no longer endless photos and videos of perfectly sculpted gymbos making me realise how rubbish my own body is. Not a single one.

Shot. Chaser.

Imagine being one of the world’s greatest female vocalists AND *this* funny.

“AI is amazing, it can do anything”.

Be Gay! Do Crime!

Asda have got some Kentia Palms in for £20 a pop and I think I might get two to replace my dying Areca Palm because I’m losing the fight with that hoe.

I have apparently passed the weight threshold where my friends are now hitting on me again.

Good night!

She knows.