Phillies HR needs to sit down and review his job description with him.

RESTORE HARRY THE K'S RIGHT FUCKING NOW

difficulty level: impossible

Can he get his own hand around that knob?

Oh this fucking jams

Only a Luddite-style smashing of the self-serve Ghost Energy Drink kiosks at CBP will appease Base Ba’al and her BABIP demons.

"And the locals are displeased."

Friendly reminder- don’t reach over the railing, ESPECIALLY when it’s a ball the Phillies hit

this isn't funny, kruks only dress like this when they're very distressed

Kyle has embraced the power of the double rainbow

(Someone please help a tired and annoyed 39 year old, how the hell do you watch this on Roku without paying for Peacock because that’s absurd, I’d rather die than pay for NBC)

legitimately upsetting to see john kruk in a suit on sunday night baseball

Time for Mamdani and Obama to go to a baseball game with the Pope. Let’s just blow this whole thing wide open.

Sorry, you’re telling me that something that doesn’t feel pain, doesn’t have lactic acid build up, doesn’t need adequate hydration or electrolytes, doesn’t need to pee, and doesn’t get tired is only 6 minutes faster than humans? you’ve fucked up a perfectly good Roomba.

Having one of the worst flare ups I've had in months.

c r y i n g

all major league baseball teams are ontologically evil, in the Manfred era. in this essay...

Poll: Is your baseball team good rn? Like for no. Repost for no. Reply for no.

Who could have predicted this? (We all predicted this)

Last night, Joe Walsh got to see Phish play his song (Walk Away) at the Sphere.

The plot to enslave America. The plot to enslave humanity. They are announcing it because they think we can no longer stop them

Spouse: I wonder if the Phillies are even going to play today Me: bold of you to assume that they've been playing at all this whole week

This is a good piece. also Religion is not a synonym for Christianity

Happy 80th birthday to Tim Curry who has always, *always* understood the assignment.

this is still true today

"I can almost guarantee you that this was not what McDonald's had in mind when they sponsored 'Inside the NBA.'" 🏀📺🎙️🍟 #NBA

The Philly hockey team outscoring the Philly baseball team; man, I hope they all (except Cris and Reyes) go to sleep with stomachaches

We’re only half way through the month - still plenty of time to bid on the #FCFCOVERSLITERACY auction. A lot of great art still sitting at super affordable prices.

What a week🫨 Last night in Philly I got to watch the livestream of the @latimesfob awards, where Born in Flames won the Los Angeles Times Book Prize in History. It was announced Oscars-style—really gets the heart racing. I was grateful to be with dear friends who know how to shriek.

Not my dad texting me "Felix the Bat"

Felix Reyes just took Chris Sale deep in his first MLB at-bat. He was so hype his helmet flew off between first and second base. What a cool moment.

WELCOME TO PHILADELPHIA BABY BOY!

You see versions of this dynamic in so many places. When you learn comfort with other people living their lives, it becomes easier to feel comfortable living yours. Knowing and loving a lot of trans people has definitely made me more confident in my own gender identity.

Hell yeah 11 pitch walk!

The last flyers pens playoff game I went to, people were dragging stuffed penguins behind their cars in the lots. It’s about to be a beautiful time in Philadelphia my friends

Amazing that in the national divorce the libs are getting the NFL, butter and cooking oil, being attracted to adult women, standup comedy, Bud Light, and now also Catholicism

Bold of Topper to expect save opportunities in the near future.

So after a whole offseason of downplaying the need for a Right-handed platoon partner for Marsh because we already have Otto Kemp on the roster. Kemp is sent to triple A less than 20 games into the season. Absolutely fantastic. #Phillies

Stakes piled high as Pittsburgh, Philly "POOP series" drops tonight.

Pope said "I never mentioned your name, funny how you took it personal"

It’s inaccurate to say Mario is brave and Luigi is cowardly Luigi is afraid of death, so he runs away from danger. Mario is afraid of living, so he runs towards death. Both brothers are cowards in their own way

Phillies are 8-11 since they fired Taryn Hatcher.

Why did I just read a review that says Jessie Ware is better known as a podcaster than a singer? It's too late at night for me to get this angry.

Wait. Son of Bill Pullman is in Spaceballs 2 too?

More like leaning tower of Pee-sa amirite?

I mean, letting them score all their runs for the series in the first game is a strategy, I guess. I'm just not sure the Phils know that other teams don't have a feast-or-famine mindset.