When I was a kid there was this kind of sentiment that other countries placed a lower value on human life than America did. What a despicable lie that was and is

The reveal that Aslan was Jesus felt like an enormous betrayal. Here I was enjoying a children's book and then they snuck in church shit? I hope it hurt when C.S. Lewis died.

USA! (I’m sorry) USA! (I’m so sorry, I know, I know) USA! (Look, I don’t feel good about it.)

"My favourite Pokemons? I don't like none to be honest. I just like watching 'em fight each other. You know, they say the Pokemons like it, like fighting each other and getting shoved into those pokeballs, but I don't think they do. And that's fine by me." -Wayne Gretzky, Pokemon Intermission Report

If you have ever wanted to work in federal criminal defense, now is the time to start sending resumes out. Most offices had been in hiring freezes for the last six months at least, and now they are looking to fill positions. Check your local listings!

Look I am not an expert in the technology but I suspect this is an AI fuckup. I, as a legal assistant who routinely gets discovery from the DOJ, simply do not know how you fuck up in this way this badly

I will miss him but I could really use that strong health & peace of mind so I’ll take it

Losing my mind bc this is at the Most Divorced Bar in South Jersey (and at which I attended at least two different office Christmas parties). It is way way too on the nose

The generator's still up: ilovecitr.us/darnold/

Super Bowl Champion QB Sam Darnold

PSA: SEAHAWKS KICKER JASON MYERS IS NOW ON THE SUPER BOWL MVP BALLOT VOTE NOW ON YOUR PHONES www.nfl.com/super-bowl/m...

billionaires should not exist but im about to become one

I saw a commercial for the app where you gamble on everything and it was using examples from history like “will the wright brothers’ plane take off” like it’s cool to bet on human ingenuity or whatever, and one example was some hoplites fighting and it said “Will Sparta win the war?” I hate I HATEEE

Pleased to see that civic-minded Philadelphians are preserving our tourist attractions (this is at George Washington’s house, the display about the enslaved people he owned and how he rotated them out of his home on a schedule so it was “legal” for him to own them)

Please do not try to make me feel bad for AUSAs, stop making them so relatable, what gives

Using my some-college writing skills to send a barely-hinged 2,000 word email to SEPTA about the importance of consensus reality and upholding the social contract because the app said my bus would show up in <a minute for half an hour

Anybody else wanna kick me right in the gut this week? Now’s the time, I won’t be getting up for a while

This makes me want to smash my head against a wall but shout out to the sign-posters at least

This reads to me like “Are you going to go to bed or does the tickle monster have to come out?” (In this case the tickle monster has a license to kill)

here's a noodle that never gave up on their dream and finally learned to fly

Yesterday I played Clue with three children. Around hour ten Trav came in to whisper “this is what gets you into heaven” but by then my 6 y/o niece had accused Mrs Peacock, whose card I knew for a fact she was holding, so many times I couldn’t hear him anymore

What is deranging me about this story is everything, but specifically at this moment it is that seeking asylum is not illegal, and the word “detained” is doing a lot of extra work that the word “kidnapped” would do for free

Looking at the “feels like”temperature this morning and reacting like Veronica Cartwright in the chestburster scene in Alien

DR SEPTUM: Nut up! You’ll never be a real ER doctor if you can’t handle blood and guts DR ORPHAN: My unprocessed trauma makes me squeamish plus I’m worried about fentanyl ME, LUNGS COMPLETELY EXPOSED, ON A TABLE AT THE HOSPITAL FROM THE PITT: guys the anesthesia is not working guys please ow hello

Ok Katamari Damacy I will let you have this one

Aaron Rodgers can still win if Mike Pence has the courage

Obligatory “any professional athlete isn’t shitty” especially in the opinion of me, a very clumsy weakling, but for whatever reason in 1993 my favorite Phillie was Pete Incaviglia. At twelve I was like “it takes all kinds and that’s beautiful”

I’ve been playing Katamari Damacy all weekend. I had forgotten how fantastic the soundtracks are. On “Katamari On The Rocks” for example the guy on bongos is playing out of his goddamn mind. It’s genuinely a delight to be reminded

I am watching CITIZEN X (1995) in which Max Von Sydow, as a psychiatrist interviewing a sexual sadist serial killer, says the word “ejaculated” about five hundred times in his two minutes onscreen, but which he pronounces “ejac-shoo-lated” every time

Magic Johnson is the grand marshal of the Rose Bowl Parade but it is raining so the roof is up on his convertible because I guess the duties of grand marshal do not include getting wet

It's been a while since I've had to do this: the other Bluesky Elders looked at the numbers and they're bad. Very bad. The site will simply not be able to make it to 2026 unless post quality & quantity drastically rise and that means everyone most post positively about the Philadelphia Eagles today.

“Rosie’s gotta think about her whole life before doing a karaoke version of Golden from KPop Demon Hunters”

I saw articles complaining about how people are going no-contact with their families but this year we hit exactly zero traffic on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day so I am all for it tbh, saved me hours

More than once I have come across documents from the DOJ where the redactions had not been applied properly in Acrobat, and that was before current management moved in. I can’t imagine mistakes were not made, is all

Any gambling app commercial makes me feel bad but the ones that advertise specific slot machine games are spiritually annihilating. “Draft Kings will let you have ten free spins of Princess Kitty’s Castle Cuddle, you pitiable little hogs, with offer code ESCHATON”

We always celebrate victories for the “___ Parade” community

Did Andrew Tate lose a boxing match? Sorry, I only follow authentic masculinity influencers,

More than once I have come across documents from the DOJ where the redactions had not been applied properly in Acrobat, and that was before current management moved in. I can’t imagine mistakes were not made, is all

I had never met a dog that does not prefer to barf on the carpet - does not, in fact, insist upon it

Did you ever see something so beautiful you can’t breathe

Wait I’ve been busy all day but I thought the hungry games announcement was an AI thing people fell for, I’m hearing this is not in fact the case? Why did I see it initially shared by something named FactsDotNewz or whatever?!

I will go to my grave screaming about how Pennywise being a clown hits completely different for anyone under 40 or 50, because the original intent was that Pennywise LOOKED HARMLESS, because “IT” predates scary clowns, & if the story were modern, Pennywise would manifest as a ninja turtle or Luffy

Genuinely curious: do you use different insults on yourself than you do the rest of the world? Like, if I have done something stupid, I would call myself “suchafuckin idiot” or “you dumb bitch,” but i tend to call another person “dumbfuck” (in my head like, I’m not abusing strangers)

I’ve never felt so alive as watching the very end of this. The sound I made, I could not even begin to describe

I died because in the MNF opening Snoop Dogg was rapping about football in an abandoned parking garage and they cut to his audience and it was all Monsters, Inc. monsters

🚨🚨🚨 MY SISTER’S OFFICE’S HOLIDAY PARTY WAS ALSO ON ZOOM FOR REMOTE EMPLOYEES AND THEY DID A MURDER MYSTERY GAME SET IN LONDON AND SOME PEOPLE TRIED TO DO BRITISH ACCENTS AND IT LASTED FOR TWO HOURS 🚨🚨🚨

“No, it’s just what the dish is called,” the receptionist insisted. It sounded like she had started crying. My eyes narrowed. I felt certain she was evading the question. I pressed her harder, very journalistically. “So you’re *not* alleging that a shrimp fried this rice?” I asked