Amen.

I don’t know why seven Alabama state trooper cars just blurred by me going the opposite direction on I-20, but I’m assuming somebody just threatened to start a union or advocated for no-fault divorce

“How was your hunting trip?” “Successful.”

What comes next? Purges of the intelligence community.

Pick out the thing that made me laugh

I’m sorry, did you just show up uninvited to this hunting trip? When you knew that your coworker had received an invitation and you had not?

The Waffle House on McFarland Blvd in Tuscaloosa is an exemplar of the species, in every possible way. The man working the grill should be teaching a class.

Never seen this before

BREAKING: Ohio State DC Jim Knowles decides not to sign with Penn State, accepts bid from Ole Miss chapter of Kappa Kappa Gamma

“There’s an axlotl on the pink. stair.”

This video has brought me such joy. I can’t stop singing the song lol. It feels like a forehead kiss 🥹

is this anything

I know that Jamie was one of the ringleaders of this card (and the accompanying gift card), but she tastefully concealed the names of the other involved parties, so if you were one of them: Thank you. Thank you so, so much. Y’all made me tear up. I’m really fortunate to have friends like y’all.

If you live in Alpharetta, Buford, Cumming, Dahlonega, Dawsonville, John’s Creek, Milton, Roswell, or basically anywhere on the 400 corridor, you should contact Rep. McCormick to let him know children eating aren’t “sponging of the government”

Why is anyone giving airtime to Bruce Feldman when they could just stick a microphone up Saban’s ass and hit record?

Warehouse guy just stopped me in the yard to tell me that as of tomorrow, he will have his house paid off. Took him just under eleven years. Happiest and proudest I’ve seen anyone in a long time.

Thanks, New York Times!

my hometown fb page is unmatched

Sure, why not.

So, so dumb

I fucking love this pets.com speed run

i know i had tiktok down as the clubhouse leader in the january heat of the world dicksucking championships but ackman is making a late charge

Hey, if anyone in Charleston needs some beer money this week I have an idea

Scromiting at the thought of Bleisure.

Gonna try to live my entire life in the spirit of S1E1 Wolf Hall’s Thomas Cromwell: “Paint it again. Paint it brighter.”

I don’t make soup a lot, but the glowing warm feeling in my tummy that I just got from finding out that my worst competitor is being targeted for a hostile takeover? That must be what Cozy Szn is for normal people.

OH NO! DISASTER! WHAT A BAD IDEA!!!

Guys, I am so uncool it hurts. Please I beg you do not make me sound cool or punk.

This is how we make the FARC into an administrative government

“No, we can use the normal one now.”

patrick mahomes and his teammates out for an early walkthrough in kansas city

WWJD - “When we jackin’, dude?”

Me every morning when someone in front of me fucks up the “no turn on red but there’s a green turn arrow that’s on for fifteen seconds after everything else goes red” situation at Habersham and West Paces.

I’m super dumb but I bet I could tear my way all the way out of a wet paper bag a solid hour before Bari Weis starts assessing the structural integrity of her Head Prison

TL;DR: There’s no new intelligence. A China hawk lab leaker took over the agency and decided to make this the position, with “low confidence.” How unexpected.

This is such an OIG-energy response. "You said you fired us, but we don't think you did. Please let me know if you have any questions."

per yesterday’s newsletter intro—I still have a good amount of these handsome koozies left, so if you’d like one, please send me an email or DM with your address and a receipt for a donation to the Trevor Project, and I’ll get one out to you (while supplies last)

Recent SIGINT intercepts from the French Embassy in Washington reportedly have the DGSE describing the recruiting environment in the National Capital Region as “face contre terre, cul en l'air”

This is the fourth time I’ve gotten this particular Uber Driver in the last two months

Sure did boss, real fuckin stabby just like you asked

Me: Hey, did you get those gifts together for the customer hunting trip next week? Equipment Mgr: They just came in! Wanna see? Me: sure, why n— (sharp intake of breath) We trying to dispose of bodies here or what?

Read Scott’s newsletter. Donate to the Trevor project. Get free koozie (while supplies last).

What’s the most inappropriately named cookbook in your collection? I’ll go first.

From the examination of a bishop. 📕