cancelling Disney+ and Hulu is well and good but it’s not a huge hit on an individual level but Disney adults? people who spend real money at the parks? you guys can make a dent, call ‘em up and tell them your vacation is postponed until they pull their heads out of their asses

I'm legit mad about missing Will Trent but oh well #fuckhulu #fuckdisney

Forgetting about everything for just a few moments because it's Christmas morning when the @vinsyn.bsky.social box arrives!

Far as I can tell, Robert Redford was: * successful at everything he tried * genuinely intelligent & insightful * desired by women * envied by men * an absolute mensch to everyone he dealt with * a tireless, lifelong philanthropist ... and he died peacefully in his sleep. 10/10 life. No notes.

In the wake of Robert Redford's death, anyone who posts anything negative about the 1992 film SNEAKERS will be immediately fired & sent right to jail, right away.

🧵

The chilling speed with which our elected officials declared open season on half the population (without knowing a goddamn thing about the shooter) will never be forgotten. They LOVED the idea of killing us all. We are in so much danger.

I was at the arcade all last night, one peek at my shooting game scores should rule me out of any & all gun crime suspicions forever (unless someone shoots a bunch of nothing & runs out of bullets in 30 seconds) On the plus side Mr. Kayak is pretty good at the go karts

Live your life in such a way that when you die, people aren’t able to cite thousands of comments you’ve made advocating the deaths of others.

Brb gotta go buy a US flag to fly at full mast

I haven't been able to shut up about Sofia's "hair journey" in THE PENGUIN & everyone who looked at me like I'm a mental patient needs to know that her episode just won 2 EMMYs for hair & makeup. I am not crazy! It won awards! Also Cristin Miliotti can do anything, what a goddess

Same people with big trucks & Trump flags in AZ are afraid of the light rail & all the crime it brings. Having me visit many fine attractions, bars & restaurants without paying to park, that's the crime.

Star Trek SNW is undefeated at bringing me joy every week, but @pattonoswalt.bsky.social as Doug has been the biggest delight yet! If you see me happily chuckling for no reason, it's because I'm still playing that post-credits scene in my head over & over

A weird thing about Matthew Weiner's subsequent work is that it really makes you wonder how MAD MEN was even a little bit good. Who fixed it for him

I just saw the ghost of my grandmother! Oh wait shit that was a mirror

THANK YOU, finally someone more articulate than me said it right

Sorry I forgot to eat or shower, I got lost in a Reddit thread about a 2 year old episode of Below Deck

Posting anything real on here was a mistake. Won't happen again. Social media is a fucking cesspool.

"Not to be cavalier." The man who died was somebody's dad. A veteran. He was fixing his house up to sell it, could have easily made $300K minimum since he bought it in 1980. I suspect he didn't want to cook to death all alone, 5 ft from his air conditioned home. Fucking asshole.

The ending, they're all like AHH SHIT that was a close one

Its late at night & I have the number of a City social worker. But it doesn't feel important enough to call & say "he had an old basketball hoop & a grill, he hoped living here would be fun, not lonely" & also "I don't want a life where a neighbor who doesn't even know my name finds my corpse"

I found my neighbor's dead body yesterday, half inside his open gate. A senior citizen trying to do heavy yard work in 108°F. Even if your parents are maga & you hate them, please encourage them to hire some help. He collapsed in the hot sun & nobody even knew he was out there until too late.

weird how the guy born into obscene wealth, bailed out repeatedly, allowed to fail upwards forever until he fell ass-backwards into the presidency, and then was declared by the Supreme Court to be a Very Special Boy Who Can Crime Forever never stops whining about how everything is rigged against him

Everything on here is making me grumpy today so here's an ungrumpifier: my cat decided to cuddle my dog & frankly she felt a little blindsided by it

CP24 running a story on how a person stole food from a store. Remember, kids: If you see someone stealing food or baby supplies, NO, YOU DIDN’T. If you see a tent in a ravine or park, NO, YOU DIDN’T. Folks in these situations have enough problems, don’t make it worse by calling the cops or news.

A lot of the good things you enjoyed will go away and never come back. But so long as you're alive, something new and amazing will continue to emerge every so often when you least expect it. The key is to notice, and appreciate.

They won't wake me up screaming (mostly), but I don't want romcom or kids movie trailers warming me up for a horror flick either. Stick to the genre we showed up for!

Santa Fe NM has a weird vibe, I can't quite figure it out. What is the deal with this town, anyone?

Terry Bollea, known commonly as Hulk Hogan, suffered from a massive butt failure and couldn’t keep any poop in his butt and all the poop came out and he died. “It was really weird how his ass and balls were stark white but the rest of him was tan,” doctors said, “it was gross.” Mr. Bollea was 71.

Lisa needs braces!

I wish nothing but happiness & prosperity for Owen Wilson, Mark Maron, Judy Greer & Lilli Kay. But sorry I'm not watching one more second of this show.

I just want to thank everyone involved with making Star Trek SNW because it gives me so much joy! Imagine only having 10 episodes per season & still making at least 2 of them so silly, I sincerely could not love this show more ❤️

Music FACT: Australian singer-songwriter Sia has a younger sister called Wouldntwannabia.

finally, people are getting fired for liking coldplay. long overdue.

The cat's face!

I don't have a hot take right now, just a freshly bathed elderly Pekingese dog called CocoPuff.

The RAW rolling papers pioneer became a huge weed celebrity. And now he’s wondering what to do with his chocolate factory.

I'm eternally tired of breakfast food, I want lunch food at breakfast. People who live with me have to get used to smelling microwaved lasagna at 7am.

whatever you think of the country as a whole there are still a whole lot of great people here who deserve better than this

Should I rejoin Twitter just to call Lisa Murkowski a rancid fucking cunt? I'll get banned again but who cares

What I need to fall asleep in bed: - sleep mask - relaxing music - 2 fans - body pillow - indica gummies What I need to fall asleep on the couch: - couch

Except that, as a baker, I understand that of course people seek out nourishing, comforting things, when times are hard. Pleasure and comfort are as much about resistence as anything else. Protecting joy is political. And books that provide roadmaps towards joy and pleasure are vital.

Just golfers??? My default is to always root for Owen Wilson & Mark Maron but they are not making it easy.

I'm not in NY but the Mamdani win makes me believe in Bluesky a little bit more. Dare to hope???

Actual news: Iran-Israel, Gaza, American Gestapo kidnapping people off the streets, the collapse of healthcare, the general dismantling of the US Google news alert: Taylor Swift Supports Travis Kelce at Training Camp in a Cute Outfit

Mamdani should win but he's the latest example of the Democratic Party closing ranks to keep anyone young and exciting and full of energy out of the party - and then they spend countless millions on consultants trying to figure out why they're struggling with young voters

Oh really? It's 99 in your town today? Well guess what, in Phoenix it's...oh, 99 also. And it doesn't even feel bad because it's not humid. Wanna come over & hop in the pool? We have cold beer & weed!