South Side. 1820 East Carson Street - Burger King. Yes, that one. Caller said some guy ordered a bunch of cheeseburgers and then started to throw them at other customers.

I wonder if Santa still has a cigarette lighter in his sled

biblically accurate manscaping

I am the 0.1% @jimmyeatworld.bsky.social

Snow! ❄️

Is this a crime scene?

Starting to think that Trump dislikes Democrats a little bit

The letter W is compensating for something

Blocking anyone giving life advice whose birth year starts with a 2

Our family photos came out great. You can't even tell we'd been crying.

UBER you get used like 2 times a year can you please stop this is a casual relationship. I will call you when I need you

If there’s one thing I can agree with Trump on, it’s that we should be normalizing naps during work.

As a consolation to our Canadian friends, Los Angeles will now embark on one of our greatest traditions: burning down the entire city with illegal fireworks

I will never forgive the Dodgers for making so many Canadians sad I stg

It’s ok to be a Will Smith fan again

Was baseball always this fun?

Oh yeah maybe I should check on my teammate I just hip checked

Snoop: Two bowls are better than one! Tony the Tiger: They’re great?

Me when I ask her what she wants for dinner

Day 2 without Kristi. The sickness has taken me. My children sense weakness. The boy sustains himself exclusively on blueberry waffles. Supplies are low. Morale is lower. God help us if Target doesn’t deliver.

This is everything I needed

The ice cream truck driver is just a DJ with a side hustle that includes delicious dessert

We are officially in hoodie and shorts weather

I’m going to say it. If your kid loses a tooth and you call the paw patrol for help, then you are wasting tax payer dollars. Unbelievable.

Wanted breakfast so I cleaned the kitchen to make eggs and toast only to discover once I was done cleaning that the bread was moldy Now I’m having a cry and a bagel 🥯 😭

Things are happening at Portland's ICE facility tonight. Read more of our protest coverage here: www.oregonlive.com/crime/2025/1...

Kids today don’t even know what the best part of waking up is anymore

Woke up so ugly that my phone won’t unlock

Turns out frogs do not like their pictures taken

they should make a cell phone that can't accept calls

all that yoga finally paid off

First they made the frogs gay. Now they’re making the mice sexy! When will the left stop this nonsense!!1!

Can’t wait for winter so I can bring this back

Sure I could listen to something new but how would the same 6 albums I’ve listened to since high school feel about that?

Payday is tomorrow so that means I get to buy more guitar stuff

ignoring Tylenol warnings is the new mosh pit

A tree just dumped a bunch of water on me and honestly that was rude of it

Another child’s birthday party invite has hit the household

I went ten years without playing my guitar but I think I might be back. Always loved this song off of the Muse album Drones, so I decided to give it try. Incredibly fun to play.

Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around Cuz my hip hurts

Took my kids to their first birthday party today and I gotta say… I’m terrified of my future. This one wasn’t too bad but I can see how they could become miserable. My kids had a blast though so ultimately that’s all that matters. They slept the entire car ride home.

The kids are alright

It’s comforting that millennials can find space for a “lol” even when life gets heavy

Today I smile and nod at others in honor of the meme man. Sleep well King.

Society is hanging on by a $1.50 hot dog and soda combo

Yesterday watching Blink 182 “WHERE ARE YOUUUU” Today waiting for the FedEx driver “WHERE ARE YOUUUUU”

there's a gas station chain called "Kum & Go" but I can't make lighthearted death threats on the internet? cool country we got here