News Flash: American moral views utterly incoherent, mostly based on what Great Aunt Tilly told them one afternoon when they were 5 and had just tracked mud into her parlor.

If only

"I never thought bombshells would eat MY partner's face," sob men and women who signed up for the Show Where Everyone Sucks Face All Day (aka Love Island)

T.S. Eliot: I'm going to write a quirky little book of cat poems. Edward Gorey: I'll illustrate it with dancing leaping cats. Andrew Lloyd Webber: I'll turn it into the most unhinged musical you've ever seen! America: Take all our money! Universal: We'll turn it into a film! World: [crickets]

Earlier this morning, my husband said prophetically, "You know what Talarico should do..." and basically described exactly this.

Best day ever!

My favorite game is to ask people between the ages of 75 to 55 what the top marginal tax rate was when they were born. 100% of people answer below 20%. And when you tell them it was between 91-75% they don't believe you

Today's Words of Wisdom: Try to live your life in such a way that Doja Cat never feels the need to describe your body in public

One of the fundamental reasons policing doesn't work is because the police are dangerous to victims of crime.

The thing is, every previous administration would've saved all of that just as a matter of course - with stuff like DMs being held for public release until after death - because of a commitment to things like scholarship & the historical record, and a feeling of responsibility to the nation. 1/2

I did not know we had a sandcat at the Folsom Zoo!

trump's "skill" in making deals has always been based on one thing: his ability to refuse to honor the deal he just made he'll agree to do something and then just not do it and dare you to impose consequences on him for it if you can actually do that, well

Yet another thing you don't do unless you expect your party will never have to give up power

One thing I’m gonna say about this nazi salute is that it does not “resemble” a nazi salute, it is a nazi salute. May we all dispense with this coy “resembles” language in all cases.

So, @edzitron.com ate his Wheatties this morning

We're close enough to that area to help clean up/ cover up the graffiti if we get a heads-up about it.

These fucking demons told me that my neighbor wanted to eat my dog and now they want to talk about social trust evaporating

Someone else got dibs on something you wanted? NIL issue.

No, the carousel horses that haven't been mounted yet don't continually make me think there's a dead dog in my yard, why do you ask? 🎠 🌱

In previous years, we could count the number of figs on the tree. Last year was the first time we got over 100 figs. This year there are so many that we can't even count them. 🌱

I prefer crochetable management, thank you.

Another reminder: if there exists *any* class of people who don't have due process rights, then *nobody* actually has due process rights because the government can always just say you're in that class.

and a very happy Glorious Twenty-Fifth of May to you all

Our contract bargaining is 95% done, the only thing left is the economics!

Please, #$DEITY, let these MAHA assholes not stop us from getting access to this

When you see someone complaining about “bubbles” etc, seeing some form of writing credit in their bio is as certain as seeing a guy with a a Greek statue avatar argue “it’s ephebophilia actually”.

If you ever wanted to read a bunch of jokes and riddles about the explosion of the Maine, or beauty tips from 1899, have I got a resource for you!

but like I said the other day, NBC cast Vanessa Williams in The Odyssey in 1997 and no one gave a shit because this outrage is manufactured by racist incel billionaires from South Africa who no longer touch grass.

Sadly, I have been informed that this is not the actual title of the book, which is a real pity

I think reading Murderbot makes me mask* less (or maybe just less automatically). I have not yet determined if this is good or bad. *NNT masking, not COVID masking

First off: voters do not vote simply so their candidate or political party can win. People vote because they want someone to deliver on policy demands. (2/10)

ARE YOU ENJOYING YOUR CHATGPT FRIENDS

The article this is responding to doesn't deserve a read, but this thread does

No other word has done more damage to the craft of writing in recent years than “content”. Even if you’re using the word “content” ironically, or as a cute little joke, don’t. When someone calls writing “content” they’re pissing on someone’s hard work & passion. “Content” is Technosatan’s henchword.

What. The. Actual. Fuck.

This is one of the reasons Becerra is a no for me

Hey anyone on female hormone patches, how have you solved the problem of the instructions telling you to put the patch simultaneously between your waist and hips AND not where it will be touched by your waistband?

Alien: And how did you run out of water? Earthling: Machines drank it. Alien: Machines. Earthling: We had to feed machines the water. Aliens: So the machines were holding your planet hostage for water. Earthling: No, we made the thirsty machines. They worked for us. Alien: End communication.

(singing) "Come on body, Let's go potty!"

When I had a secret club in 4th grade with my best friend, this was our club bird.

"Anthropic blames dystopian sci-fi for training AI models to act evil." Oh really? So the stuff you stole because you are a dystopian fucked up company has fucked up your dystopian fucked up company?

Lookit all these little protein nuggets I made!

hey john. its your cousin marvin. marvin cage! you know that new sound youve been looking for? well listen to this *hangs up phone*

Can't wait to read this one

At a glance, this may just look snarky, but it's super-insightful

Penny, Max, Jane, Brad, Alex, Dave

They should do this with more interesting questions like “this person in a small town diner genuinely believes Aliens vs Predator is the greatest sci-fi movie of the past 50 years” or “these rural voters say Herman’s Hermits are more influential than the Beatles”

These are very small, so I'm calling them minimum buns.

This is horrifying

Ok, but "Lucy Fours" as the author name is a very clever little giveaway