If bro doesn’t hoist up the john b sail right now I’m gonna flip the fuck out

Once again tapping the “complicit not incompetent” sign

Aaron Rodgers doing his own research on how to win games it appears

With Democrats like these, who needs Republicans?

We regret to inform you that, due to circumstances beyond our control, there are a considerable number of nerds in the harmonica.

:: My mind:: you don’t have to do a spin move as you put this empty water bottle into the recycling bin ::my body:: does a spin move as it puts this empty water bottle into the recycling bin

New awareness campaign

roses are red big laughs are hearty

Wake up, Dick! I want you to see droves of New Yorkers voting in a Muslim socialist as mayor! Dick?

“Are you sure the oven is off?” “…damnit, why would you even put that in my head?!” “Sorry, my mom taught me to do that.”

Omg hahahaha

England, Arkansas, pop. 2,400, home to Real Fish, a 7 table catfish restaurant. Families fresh from church shouted over the r&b flavored gospel blasting. Meanwhile, “Secretary” (2002) played in HD. James Spader masturbates on Maggie Gyllenhaal’s bare ass. Even the bream in the tank were confused.

When you see Mamdani looking all normal doing normal person things—petting bodega cats, riding public transport—you realize just how bizarre and estranged our average candidate for public office is. Rich martians in flesh suits

Feels real good #GoBills !!!

Love you #BillsMafia !

Is there a NYS enhanced license holder out there who has flown domestically since May 7 who can set my mind at ease about the conflicting information I am getting from Southwest and TSA regarding Real ID?

i think theres a difference between nostalgia and reminiscing- nostalgia's built off the -algia root, which means pain- nostalgia is the lament that things aren't as we remember them being reminiscing can be nostalgic, but it can also just be gratitude expressed for experiences we've had

Can’t believe the team I’ve been rooting for my whole last 2 weeks is gonna win the World Series tonight while I’m playing a gig. Life just isn’t fair!

A trick Mamdani has mastered is seeming positive even when attacking Cuomo by having it come out of nowhere. You’ll watch him being asked his favorite Halloween candy and he’ll say “I love skittles haha, guilty as charged, of course not guilty of killing people in nursing homes, M&Ms are also great”

Teen: Help! My acne is so bad that people stare and make fun of me. Can you please develop a treatment so I can stop feeling like a freak?! iHome: Say no more fam, here’s a glowing red Jason mask about it

halloween is the best holiday because it’s the one that’s the most community focused. also because it’s the horniest

Neighbors’ dad takes the week off and builds an entire addition to the garage for a killer haunted house. …and my attempt at a selfie therein

Man, I fucking love being a weird creep on Halloween. Our town goes all out and it’s so fun.

If you are heading out for last second candy, the mixed bags are usually two or three bucks more a pound than simply buying a few different bags individually, plus you get stuck with plain Hershey bars.

Pretty gut wrenching yet defiantly transcendent stuff from Tom Constanten. Sing your song, however the tune may go.

What did the mushroom say on their way to Sephora? Amanita Mascara

Spooking the shit out of sound techs with my costume tonight

I’m just saying that if you are trying to sell a vintage autoharp for a considerable price with an all-caps NO LOWBALLS in the listing, you should not list it as a harpsichord 🤷‍♂️

Taking strays 😂

Cigarettes used to be cheap enough that you could give a whole pack out to each trick or treater instead of just one or two loosies. Failed fucking empire

Influencer voice should be punishable by law

democrats of all stripes should be rallying around kat abughazaleh asap. it doesnt matter where you stand ideologically. trying to jail dissenters is fundamentally unamerican and 100% fascist. democratic leaders at all levels should be making noise about it. you dont need a poll or focus group.

A weak man asks “trick or treat?” A strong man declares “Give me treats.” Which one are you?

I’d kill the goose no matter what kind of metal its eggs were made out of. I’m in it for the love of the game

Damn, you’re tellin me they terminated Midget Handjob?!

Not now, widening gyre

Extremely polite of Gayle not to mention how much the cake we ate for dessert tonight tasted like the fresh frozen weed it was sharing the garage freezer with 😂

"Dear Sir, Your good name has been bought to my attention as a trustworthy man and a believer in God. I am the son of the late Queen Elizabeth II, ruler of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland. My mother left me forty-five million pounds and the city of York but I am unable ..."

Peeling potatoes is crazy to me

1994 was kinda a crazy year for freaks. Space Ghost Coast to Coast came out, the animated cartoon for The Tick started airing, TMBG released their first album with a backing band (John Henry), and Ween released Chocolate and Cheese. what a blunt rotation

Knot inventor would’ve been a sick job back in the day

The most influential teacher of my life died. A legit genius forced to teach highschoolers English, an utter prick and quite possibly the first adult in my life to tell me that something I did sucked, but a man who profoundly shaped my worldview and made me fall even more in love w reading. RIP GP!

This photo of rookie Yesavage casually walking off the mound as future Hall of Famer and helmet-less Ohtani is still in motion striking out is everything. #WantItAll

Wherever they sound good, duh

“18 million people have made fun of me” holy shit that’s the true poaster’s spirit

Is it something about getting old - perhaps confronting your own mortality? - that makes you turn to the past? Anyway, a thing I love about folk music is that most songs tell a story, and in doing so, they elevate those quotidian details of yesteryear into art, like this one called Shoe the Donkey.