As the prophets prophesied:

going beastmode (curling up sleepily in my soft little den)

new phrase: crashing in. that's when all of your crash-outs finally culminate in one good thing (definition 2 is when the koolaid man makes an entrance)

when is a wife not a wife? when she’s aloof

strangely moved by this

Has this World Series consistently featured the highest quality of baseball? No. Has it featured the widest array possible of beautiful, weird, specific baseball delights? Yes.

let the preliminary season for deciding what to do for my birthday begin (it’s in december)

Just heard someone say “falls on death’s ears,” and… I kinda like it.

the joke in nyc about spending $40 every time you leave your house has nothing on las vegas. it costs $150 just to cross a building’s threshold

Halloween reminder

oh you’re a nihilist? name zero things that matter

[hot chocolate “you sexy thing” voice]

to everybody who skeets jokes like me: [says something insane] therapist: sorry our time is up you could just say the insane thing, you’re already here

I dropped my phone into my pho. there is a punchline here I just know it

On Lt Columbo Day never let us forget the episode where Columbo explains to a fitness guru how Mrs Columbo is thick, that he likes her thick, and how he will do anything within his power to keep her thick

If anyone needs me I will be in the museum, lying down next to the bog bodies.

this book has wordplay specific to every day of the year. tell me your birthday, and I will reveal your topsy-turvy prophecy

it is becoming clear that I booked myself a writer’s retreat upstate just to procrastinate in prettier rooms

Foaming! At the Mouth

it occurs to me that the word “refined” is good when applied to taste but bad when applied to sugar/food….and we “taste” food….black mirror episode

leaf-peep, past tense leaf-pept

unhinged things i see on hinge /17 (i approve of this one)

omg, incredible loophole

just realized that “copypasta” is a play on “copy-paste” and I’m hearing it with a delightful Italian lilt

going to one of my office’s soundproof booths so that I can choke on water in silence

shocked to discover that my editor kept my unhinged headline for this newsletter about mnemonics, “Finding Mnemo”

"edgelord" is such a great coinage, because it sounds as if it's about to describe something really stupid and then it does

not to brag but my husband’s name is in the NATO alphabet

haven’t posted in a minute and I am pleased to return to the mic with a severely chaotic vegan challah situation

glanced at a legal pad of book notes from the summer that I have yet to type up and the top page just says “asshat compounds”

I find it kinda funky I find it kinda sad The dreams in which I’m donkey Are the best I ever had

New linguistics meme dropped

CHRIST ON A BICYCLE: (exclaiming) me

after a week of failed attempts to see shakespeare in the park — including a date we got tix for but was rained out — I have gone full method (started the line at Central Park)

certified bangers aren't enough. i need them notarized too

humbled by this book i’m reading about the lore/language of schoolchildren — like I’ve learned that knocking on our heads to “knock on wood” was originally something kids did to each other to call someone dumb

if you get a labubu may I offer you a laband-aid. thank you I’m sure this is late

thinking about how special it is to adopt a dog. I love our dog and wish I could adopt one million of them

Getting a kind of brain damage from doing the NYT crossword where I now parse every sentence as having a different, dumber meaning

this is gonna sound dumb but how do content creators come up with so many things to say

I don’t think you should be allowed to drive your car to get shakespeare in the park tickets! one is fundamentally antithetical to the other. learn to take public transit or don’t expect a public show

hoping this is a safe space to admit that the word I dislike most in the world is “punny”

“get well soon!” “feel better!” how about don’t tell me what to do

let the record show that my original headline for this newsletter was “Great expectations for young Pips” static.nytimes.com/email-conten...

nearly gotten over my summertime sadness, just in time for regular seasonal depression

Stuff this in your bag of chips: it's Grocery Week in @nygroove.nyc! nygroove.nyc/email/3c1c33...

being born? you mean doing an escape womb?

i am genuinely constantly looking for this emoji: 🧐 and can never find it!! convinced some sicko out there is hiding it from me

evidence of the permanent damage punning has done to my brain: I was trying to write the word “wood” for a column and instead wrote “would,” then “whood” (i started thinking about wh-words this could be) and then i had to take a beat before I remembered what wood was

thinking about those kids who performed the entire Ok Go music treadmill sequence for Here it Goes Again at their high school talent show. I hope they’re thriving