To the tune of the Dig It Up: 🎵Yooou've got to gooo piss them drawers...🎵

I do sometimes wonder what it’s like to go through life without worrying about The Immanent Disaster™️ just around the corner.

Pre-cum implies the existence of ex post facto-cum

Engraving two bullets with "this bullet only lies" and "this bullet only tells the truth" to really stump the FBI

I do not regret to inform you that we are going to win (h/t @miriamposner.com) www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10....

The sheer # of people who say Doing Good Things™️ is “unconstitutional” as if that were some moral imperative has always driven me fucking crazy.

The entirety of Aqualung by Jethro Tull

Gonna drink wine and shed my outer identity, freeing it to the wind as I watch Peter Falk stalk murderers in a skimpy little trench coat.

College football is trying to gaslight me into believing someone named “Peyton Woodring” actually exists

the thing to understand is that for many people the violence of order maintenance is simply not seen as violence in the first place

Dear all writers: If you can't quote what the person you're defending actually said, maybe don't defend what he said?

The media reaction to the death of Charlie Kirk should be a wake up call to everyone. Cancel your subscription, quit reading the works of people who think Charlie Kirk was practicing politics the right way, or that he was a decent human being. He wasn’t either of those things

to my mind the woman who dies of sepsis because of antiabortion laws, or the person who dies because they can't afford insulin -- these are just as much victims of political violence as the man shot through the throat while making a racist speech

If they fail to find Charlie Kirk's shooter, Kash Patel's FBI will 100% pin it on somebody convenient to the narrative.

I do not understand the mindset that makes liberals express sympathy for someone who would have absolutely celebrated if the roles were reversed, like bro, have some god damned self respect

I hate these fuckers on the Supreme Court so much I'm almost consumed by it.

Rod Serling unintentionally quoting Blink-182’s “Aliens Exist”: “What if people knew that these were real?”

Releasing this North Korea story the day after the Department of War name change is a little too on the nose for the show writers, don’t you think?

Them: “Cities are all rotting hellscapes!” Cities:

Do you “like” the taste of Pepto, or is its flavor inexorably linked to stopping your tum-tum from hurting?

Jason Isbell knows about Anime and I don’t know how to feel about that

while smiling! Gavin Newsom literally dressed up in his best Bad Boy™️ attire, invited the press, and smiled as he destroyed everything these constituents had in the world. Gavin Newsom is not a bad candidate; Gavin Newsom is truly, at his core, a bad and despicable human being.

“Ohana Meats Family” is all I’ve got and asking for more would be cruel

I drew this on my lunch break your excuses are fucking pathetic

Where do you think the Lorax drew the line on trees?

Someone out there has had a sex dream about that orc from LoTR that’s modeled after Harvey Weinstein and we all just have to live with that.

Come do quaaludes and fish in World of Warcraft

the guy across the way is singing a startlingly good rendition of Tool's "Prison Sex" and while I have questions, I don't think I want any of them being answered

Hold tight. Do the kindest thing you can think of right now. And then wait for how this was inevitably going to end (hanging by his ankles from the roof of a gas station).

This is a threat.

I don’t think many people’s worldviews account for those who enjoy doing awful things because they find being evil fun.

As someone who loves meeting new people, it’s genuinely crazy how much worse it’s gotten out there.

So like, what happens when they find Epstein just chllin’ on a beach somewhere? Will Trump dab him up or will he pretend to not recognize him like whenever I see an ex in public??

donald trump is a pedophile

On the off chance Dems are allowed to take back the house or senate, nothing will change. Not from some “both sides are the same”-bullshit. But from the fact that decades of can-kicking on policy and executive overreach means literally no one actually knows how to pass bills or run the government.

if you're old enough to drink, you're too old to care about someone's SAT score

The summer issue of Writers Resist dropped yesterday and my story "Manure" got second billing in it! It's a timely piece for our current moment and I couldn't be prouder to be featured with them. Big thank you to K-B and their incredible team over at Writers Resist!

As a sports fan, a man who would say "both" , is a man who cannot be trusted at all on any topic, he is a disgrace, run him out of town

The NYT's anti-trans fear mongering was cited in a Supreme Court briefing that stripped away the rights of trans kids. They need to be fully blacklisted by queer people and their allies. Don't work for them. Don't use them for book press. Don't speak with them for stories. They made their bed.

Can white people please STOP sharing the "call the cops on ICE" advice?There is no situation where having more cops show up makes the community safer.

People really haven’t grappled with the fact that comprehensive immigration enforcement has made our world feel infinitely smaller.

As the old joke goes, an American diplomat and Soviet diplomat met up, and the American says "I really admire your country's propaganda." The Soviet says, "True, it is good, but it is nothing compared to American propaganda." The American, confused, responds "We don't have propaganda."

You have no obligation to defend or explain the behavior of random street protesters. We have a lawless government that is flagrantly violating its legal, moral, even philosophical obligations to us. Everything else is secondary

ok because this is apparently challenging: ‘nazi bar’ is not the bar where all the nazis go. it’s the bar with even one nazi and you choose to stay there because being with a nazi is not sufficiently repugnant to you to leave. that’s twitter right now, with a lot more than one nazi.

Antivaxx and libertarianism are the same--they can exist only when the majority of the population buys in to what it takes to live in a society, allowing the minority to think they are outsiders thriving on their own exceptionalism.

I found a 4-seat wine bar in Tokyo that only plays doomcore.

You’re supposed to Shogun this*