good morning mr president its time for your weekly press conference about teenagers’ sperm

They're not saying someone should kill Trump. End of analysis.

Marge can smoke an entire bowl of my ass hairs.

They should fit in well with my other teams.

Oh my goodness the Sun are in a bit of a pickle

Let's go Sun!!!

Heyoooo new season dropped

LMAO why is Don Jr. so poor?

Noah Syndergaard is the baldest any man's ever been with hair

mike bolsinger getting shelled so bad to the point that he had to run to a courthouse to sue the astros for “ruining his career” makes him the second-biggest bitch boy in sports history bitch boy #1 is mike fiers, of course

7 stellar shutout innings 👏 Peter Lambert lowered his ERA to 2.42!

RIP freud. you would’ve loved whatever this is.

The Astros are the 2017 World Series champions.

What a terrible at bat for Espinal.

Peter fucking Lambert!

good grief these are the folks who are going to be on board for the "we have to move forward" Democrats who will run in 2028. Those Democrats should be given no quarter. We cannot just "move forward" from this

The Mets’ season is going better than you think. by Bret Stephens

yep, but the cossack works for the tsar as they say. Biden picked Garland *because* he is a pathetic do-nothing weenie. same reason Obama nominated him to SCOTUS bsky.app/profile/elch...

Pedo Pascal

The Astros are the 2017 World Series Champions.

Close, but not quite. I mean, we'll take it but shiiiiiiiiit.

The Astros won 3-1. They are 14-21. I have no idea what I just watched

Yo we suck ass

SOS! I am home! I! I AM SAFE. I found a job. I WILL STAY. I SURVIVED DV! I am climbing out of a hole...I FINALLY have stability and I do not lie. It's my legal name. I can't lose this! WE CHEATED IN 2017! I'll write anything I can't lose this. Anything counts! USD $600 #Astros

Or 3: recognize it as a ploy to get votes on which he has no intention to follow through, not believe him, and vote for somebody else/folks who will challenge his leadership.

There's a lot of misinformation floating around saying today's VRA opinion is fine because it all turns on the question of "intent." After all, they're saying, all you have to do is prove discriminatory intent, so what's the problem? This is a THREAD.

The Voting Rights Act is essentially dead and it’s quite possible that we will, like when a similar SCOTUS gutted civil rights at the fall of Reconstruction, see a disappearance of much of the Black congressional representation, especially in the most heavily Black states, which are in the South.

Every time someone says "the founders gave us..." ask yourself, did they? Or was that the Warren Court?

Maybe It will Happen today.

im not joking, i think a huge reason theyre doing this is bc in their minds war is masculine and penis and being against war is feminine and vagina

the reason he wants to bomb iran is because its penis to bomb things and vagina to be against bombing things, i know its stupid but it really is that simple

the reason we’re bombing iran is because thats the penis thing to do and not bombing is vagina

This is a good one

If everything about MAGA wasn't dangerous it would be hilarious. Often it is also hilarious.

And I have the coffee mug to prove it.

How do these goombas that don't follow me find these tweets?

We got super fucking spoiled from 17-23, for sure, and maybe even from 15-24. Even if we recover and make the Postseason this year, this team is so inferior to 17-23 its not even funny.

Do you guys remember when the Astros made the Postseason in 2015 after 10 years of no Postseason following the loss of the 2005 World Series? Time wise, we will be the same elapsed time from the first World Series victory (which, don't forget, the Astros are still the 2017 champs) next year.

Have you ever noticed that the massive, coordinated, multi-year assault on trans rights is based on NOTHING WHATSOEVER

This is not Masculine and Penis This is Feminine and Vagina

I'm sorry, I'm just sick of the world's leading purveyor of political violence navel gaze about how political violence isn't who we are.

[guy who doesn’t know how to pronounce “gonorrhea”] When the moon hits your eye Like a big pizza pie That’s gonorrhea

Was it Kash Patel mad that he is fixing to get fired?

Me after my Rockets fall to 0-3 in the playoffs

Fire the writers

Me reading any Trump post.

Me reading Tolstoy

Woke Hero Alex Bregman vs Disgusting Chud Blake Treinen results in glorious, 430’ rebuke of regime