amiigat.bsky.social
@amiigat.bsky.social
📤 122
📥 64
📝 622
The Flounder Pounder
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When you see your old Twitter friends have finally joined Bluesky:
about 1 year ago
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Little Greenis
about 16 hours ago
You telling me orcas poop? Whale shiiiiiittttt.
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Lisa, Duchess of Netflix
about 16 hours ago
Him: "Is that a Christmas tree bag or a body bag?" Me: "Maybe both." *slow winks*
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WineMummy
about 16 hours ago
Getting into the Christmas spirit by drinking right into the new year.
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WineMummy
about 1 year ago
Merry Christmas Eve you filthy motherfuckers.
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WineMummy
about 19 hours ago
You lost me at it’s the most wonderful time of the year.
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Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺
about 22 hours ago
I come from a long line of people being told we’re too big to sit on Santa’s lap
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WineMummy
about 19 hours ago
This coffee tastes like I won’t be participating today.
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Jake_Vig
about 21 hours ago
In line at the pharmacy checkout looking for Christmas gifts. Do kids still play with batteries?
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Rabbit
about 18 hours ago
I think a great Christmas tradition would be for every city to close off one major street Christmas Day. Traffic is down that day anyway. Kids could tryout their new bikes. People might go out for just the novelty of it. People would get a chance to photograph buildings without cars.
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Uncle Duke
about 17 hours ago
Grandpa: I was at Normandy. Dad: I was at the Battle of Khe Sanh. Me: I once went to Kohl’s on Christmas Eve. Everyone: *gasps*
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Henpecked Hal
about 18 hours ago
So, last night we assembled that play kitchen from Santa in our living room then I hid it in the garage, but I left out the instruction manual and my 4 year old found it this morning. I froze. She said, "Oh cool! I want this for Christmas!" and ran off. That's a yuletide win.
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Jimmer Cork-Bottle
about 18 hours ago
Lonely are the brave, I say to Alexa as I recall the time I told my girlfriend I wasn’t taking her to see Grease.
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WineMummy
1 day ago
Fuck you, I’m festive af.
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WineMummy
9 months ago
[during sex] Are you mad at me?
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WineMummy
1 day ago
Die Hard stays on during sex.
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WineMummy
1 day ago
Kiss me, I taste like steak.
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Candy Elliott
1 day ago
Christmas teaches us that it's okay to break into someone's house as long as you're leaving stuff.
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WineMummy
2 days ago
Nice to mute you.
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Candy Elliott
1 day ago
I just got a bottle of wine that’s been regifted so many times it made its way back to me. Which means I essentially bought myself a bottle of wine.
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Henpecked Hal
2 days ago
“Did they find something???” - my daughter, in front of the TSA agent rifling through my bag
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Jimmer Cork-Bottle
2 days ago
I can write better than this but I don't want to be the one the aliens abduct and force to punch up their ultimatums.
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Uncle Duke
1 day ago
When Canadian Girl Scouts come to sell you cookies, you goddamn buy cookies.
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WineMummy
2 days ago
It’s beginning to look a lot like fuck this.
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Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺
2 days ago
the real gift this holiday is you guys thanks for keeping the spirit bright
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WineMummy
11 months ago
Muting people is self care.
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Jake_Vig
2 days ago
No better way to improve your poll numbers than by directly attacking United States citizens and garnishing their wages.
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WineMummy
2 days ago
I like to start the holidays by not giving a fuck.
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Henpecked Hal
2 days ago
[before kids] "Man, I'm going to be such a chill parent" [several years later] "IF YOU DON'T SWALLOW THAT MILK BY THE TIME I COUNT TO THREE..."
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Candy Elliott
10 months ago
My husband was annoyed after spending $65 on two burgers and fries, so I said, “Bet yours could blow these away.” His eyes lit up. “Really? I’ll make some tomorrow!” Two days later, I did the same with pasta. And that’s how I Jedi mind-tricked my husband into becoming our chef.
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Candy Elliott
2 days ago
It’s supposed to rain in Los Angeles for four days and people at the grocery store are stocking up for the apocalypse.
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WineMummy
12 months ago
I’ll still be your favourite wine mom next year.
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WineMummy
2 days ago
[during sex] Why didn’t you like my selfie?
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WineMummy
2 days ago
[during sex] Did you mute me?
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Candy Elliott
3 days ago
Dear people who combine Christmas and birthday gifts, WE HATE YOU! Sincerely, Everyone born in December & January.
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Uncle Duke
3 days ago
sometimes i’ll suggest to my wife that we stay up past eleven and watch one more episode because i want her to know there’s still a little of the bad boy in me
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Jimmer Cork-Bottle
3 days ago
Wear a fanny pack with your cargo pants to be prepared for any eventuality except the sex.
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Jake_Vig
over 2 years ago
"That's me in the coroner." - ghost who loves the band R.E.M. and is also trying to solve their own murder
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Uncle Duke
3 days ago
if social media has taught me anything... i’m unaware of it
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Henpecked Hal
3 days ago
My wife asked me how hard it was going to be to wrap the big art easel we got the kids for Christmas and I said that we could do it "easely." Then I repeated that we could do it "easely" again but really stretched out the word easely. Yeah, she didn't laugh either.
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WineMummy
3 days ago
Having the week off is top tier.
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WineMummy
9 months ago
Tell your Bluesky crush I said good morning.
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WineMummy
3 days ago
How The Grinch Stole Your Bluesky Crush.
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WineMummy
12 months ago
Might fuck around and be someone’s Bluesky crush.
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Jake_Vig
3 days ago
I will totally have your back. Until someone sexier disagrees with you.
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Henpecked Hal
3 days ago
Now that I have young kids of my own I understand why my dad insisted we not visit him in the garage in the days leading up to Christmas. It's because kids are annoying.
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