I'm listening to Les Misérables on Audible, and so far my favorite part is how God apparently killed a nun in a convent to allow Jean Valjean to escape from Javert. Talk about Deus Ex Machina! 😆 #VictorHugo #LesMiserables

My supervillain idea for an orbital mirror-array death ray is coming closer to fruition.

For your consideration, may I present the Cheadle Alberta Cheetoh:

So I guess I’ve been doing it wrong all these years, telling my wife things like how much I love her and stressing the importance of our family When I should’ve been regaling her with a heated polemic about how I was going to ground our adversaries into the dust

Trump: "We've got a lot of stupid people in this country running things."

Oh all the tyrants that Mark Carney has to deal with. #abpoli #ableg #Alberta #Canada #cdnpoli #canpoli #cdnleg #canleg #tryrants #Smith #Poilievre #Trump #Carney #politics #FireSmith #FireTheUCP

FBI has put out an ABP on a person of interest in the Charlie Kirk assassination, seen here in surveillance footage fleeing the scene:

Here for the wild conjecture! I think the Russians took Kirk out to send a message to Trump.

Help is on the way! #yyc #STARS #airambulance

CRAZY story from my city: A group of kids organized a "Catch a Predator" sting. One of them voluntarily got in the vehicle and later escaped. The suspect has 2 prior convictions for CSAM possession. #Airdrie #Alberta globalnews.ca/news/1134242...

"Welcome! Here are 5 of the deadliest war machines ever created!" Hate the guy, but I gotta respect this flex.

As Putin greeted President Trump in #Alaska, a B2 Spirit aircraft flew over his head. B-2 bombers were used to bomb nuclear objects in Putin's ally, Iran.

So which #Putin body-double actually went to #Alaska? Looks like "Puffy Cheeks" to me.

Getting up early and looking at my girls, who had crawled into our bed overnight, cuddled up with my wife, all sleeping soundly.

Hi Bluesky! What shitty things are happening today?

15! I'm impressed with myself! Not bad for a Canadian. No plans on ever increasing that number though.

Joke was on UPS as they declared my package lost after I submitted the paperwork to them. I got a refund from the vendor, then the package was delivered the next day! All in all, a stellar customer service experience.

UPS sent me to collections to recoup their ~50% 'customs brokerage' fees that *didn't apply* because I opted to self-clear my items with customs myself.

'Hello human, nice to meet you'

Danielle Smith in Alberta right now:

America has the most corrupt political system in the Western world.

Hi. I’m Nash. Happy Friday! I’ll be your nurse today.

We’re rooting for you, little buddy!

Donald, sending you plenty of…

I'm sure there's a downside...

"That's the thing I love about these Enigmas, man... I get older, they stay the same age." #TrumpEpstein #EpsteinFiles

I hate when someone unearths my pube-autograph to the world's most famous pedophile while I'm dying of cankles

all anyone needs to do is tell him he didn't do a very good job with the drawing

[gets arrested] Me: [lifts up testicles, crouches, spreads cheeks, coughs] My god this is so demeaning Cop: We didn't ask you to do any of that

Silver lining: All those rural hospitals that will close will make handy concentration camps /s

Actually, if it were made from a 'Look how these rich fuckers live while you scratch in the dirt for a pittance', it would be wildly popular. Resurrect Robin Leach!

Could you imagine the show "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous" being made today?

Batten down the hatches Vulcan County! #abstorm

Translation on Trump's position on Iran: "based on the fact Putin threatened me and Israel also threatened me, and they both have my Epstein blackmail records I'm going to chicken out and pray this blows over in two weeks."

FBI agents after the Karen Read acquittal #KarenRead

Attention: JURORS❗ If the car didn't hit, you must acquit If the dog ever bit, you must acquit If red taillight was lit, you must acquit If the investigation was shit, you must acquit If Proctor was fired for it, you must acquit If you doubt ANY OF IT, you must acquit Free Karen Read #FKR

What I mean when I say I want masculinity without toxicity

A must view for writers is Brandon Sanderson‘s introduction to fantasy and science fiction writing class. Sanderson teaches at Brigham Young University. In 2020, Sanderson record all 16 lectures of this highly saw after seminar and put them on YouTube for free. Check it out! youtu.be/-6HOdHEeosc?...

MI House R’s accidentally mandated gender-neutral bathrooms. Their new budget bill bans gatherings of “a single gender or ethnic group” in any common area in community colleges, language so broad it technically prohibits men’s or women’s restrooms altogether. Bigotry makes for sloppy law making! 🏳️‍⚧️🌈

Canadian man reading date never knows which is day and which is month unless day is above 12

everyone who’s spent years stockpiling weapons and screeching about “tyranny” and “government overreach” sure is fucking quiet right now

"Have you met Knifeo?" "That's not Knifeo, that's Spoono." "Well, I can tell you've played Knifeo-Spoono before!" #SimpsonsShitposting

Hey, Plato, nice name. Have you met Disho? What about Cuppo

Mood right now:

Another reason I live in a place where the weather hurts my face.

I am perfectly adapted for my ecological niche.