whatever happens today i imagine it will be somewhere on a sliding scale between the apprentice and the red wedding

Hull breach imminent, playboy

i wonder if a herd of elephants would be kind enough to adopt me

is a medbed supposed to be like the healing tupperware they put people in on stargate

sorry i'm late i was completing Trials of the spirit

calling into work with a case of no value left to extract

What if the rapture happened a long time ago but only Amelia Earhart made the cut?

i'm watching pan's labyrinth for the first time

looking forward to telling my racist uncle "sorry you weren't one of god's chosen" at Thanksgiving

i went to heaven and nobody knew you

happy rapture day. i just hope both teams have fun

is it good that nothing feels real anymore

every work meeting now is a 3 day tent revival for how great ai is i'm so tired

I hope some newspapers use a crop where you can easily read the sign.

it's fuckboy friday pt 2 breaking dawn: break er? barely knew er

scrabbling around in the damn dirt

if you wear the meta ai glasses i hope they show you visions of your ancestors looking down on you in disgust

i'm so sick. i feel like when ET was in the water

sometimes i look like jennifer beals if jennifer beals never had one good night's sleep in her life

they’re baling me up for the harvest tomorrow

*sultry voice over elevator speakers Cloud 6 ... Cloud 7 ... Cloud 8 - the Stratolounge ... Cloud 9 - the Ultralounge ... bell dings, and the doors open

baby squirrels look like if an acorn dreamed about becoming an animal

baby squirrels look like if an acorn dreamed about becoming an animal

i want a bodysuit for a short leg and a looong torso(🎶)

I volunteer to Quantum Leap

i got soap in my eye, and that's when i realized i forgot to bring a towel to shower

i have decided to get hotter out of spite

Another day turning over every stone at the park until I find you guys

oops i remembered i have free will (derogatory)

i feel like the least they could do is bring back the jello with the foam on top

we're watching the twilight series and 3 movies in, the only thing i've really retained is bella swan is a lil bit of a fuckboy

Went for a walk and saw two dogs

every time i see "lfg" i read it as "looking for group" instead of "let's fucking go" but with the same enthusiasm, which is kinda the attitude you want if you're looking to fill a party to take down a raid boss

every time i see "lfg" i read it as "looking for group" instead of "let's fucking go" but with the same enthusiasm, which is kinda the attitude you want if you're looking to fill a party to take down a raid boss

(pointing at my bed like sleepy Babe Ruth)

i bet miners liked coming across dinosaur bones

sorry, my ride is here

Do you want $473 in audio plugins for literally less than $3 because guitar center pissed off Sam Pura? If you use the discount code FUCKUADANDGUITARCENTER to get his everything bundle you can live this dream.

glancing longingly at the grass in the wind on the highway divider

thinking about all the wolves who lived and died and made a pact with humans so my dog can snore on the couch while bush's alien plays softly in the background

grapes taste better when you eat them outside

every day feels like this now

i need an office chair that i can perch like a gargoyle in

12:38am: i should learn the bo staff