Just think about all the folksy protest songs that could be written about expanding medicare to cover dental vision and hearing

Suburbia has its flaws but at least the dreariness does elevate even the tiniest morsels of news into juicy gossip. "The 24-hour CVS is closed," I announce smugly upon returning home. Jaws drop. I'm asked for 'the story'

I've been getting a lot of emails praising my book that are obviously ai generated, and I'd just like to say please stop doing this! It is really easy to tell when a human wrote an email because it sounds like a human. I wasn't going to go for your pitch anyway but sending me ai slop is just annoyin

woke up with the phrase "casting dispel on my haters in the dungeon of success" dancing in my brain

[watching My Fair Lady for the millionth time] I wonder why I'm so into asshole romantic leads

I feel like I'm taking crazy pills. Everyone in a position to stop this just ... isn't????

every smug internet communist tweet about showing up to a No Kings protest with an abolish ICE shirt to scare the libs is getting completely mogged by the real-life winemoms showing up with slogans like "ICE will melt in hell"

No.

I love this book! I bet you’ll love it too!

My book is out today!! It's about spooky bad boys (of all genders) and the humans who thirst after them. Check it out! read.macmillan.com/lp/thirsty-9...

repost this if an editor has ever saved you from yourself

It's October and Lisa Frankenstein isn't available to stream *anywhere*??

i don't understand conservative toughness, which involves being scared shitless of everything but also talking about how tough you are

IT IS TIME.

If you gave me a full hour to list everything I miss about 2002, "what Walmart was like" would not even occur to me as an option

If he can do this to Comey imagine what he'll do to Bleemer and Gorpman

Me: Which is why I did a Chotiner interview meme post Chotiner: but you did want engagement Me: Oh, of course! But it wasn’t just that. C: You felt you could add to the conversation Me: My own perspective. C: By posting the same joke as everyone else Me: it’s a funny variation

“You used to be able to say anything” comedians never been more quiet in their lives

Calling peoples' employers in a rage because their tributes to Robert Redford weren't horny enough

"Cryptozoology is the human endeavor to improve on God’s works by adding height and horns to creatures we consider deficient in such things."

I am once again experiencing psychic damage at the thought that Hugh Laurie is lending his name/talent/what have you to a project that will further enrich this monster

Thank you! Pre-ordering is essentially the best way to support an author. It influences how many copies bookstores stock as well as best seller lists. If you love a writer’s work, pre-order.

They make up complete bullshit about crime in DC or Chicago to send in the troops but they're completely fine with children getting massacred. Just a level of sadistic evil I'm still having trouble fully accepting

I've entered a bizarre new phase of the drafting process where not only do I *not* have to force myself to write, I'm actually struggling to do anything else. Because all I can think about is the book

You know what the best part of my day is? It's the ten seconds from when I pull up this app to when it loads. 'Cause I think maybe once it does I'll see that it happened. Finally.

as an artist your political intervention, the way you mark the world, is the WORK. so if your art is any good at all, a few times in your life the devil is gonna come knock on your door, and he's going to be holding a big bag of money so as an artist you have to be ready

Ok, Hugh Laurie being a piece of shit is a genuine OUCH moment

Spooky season is right around the corner... why not preorder some vampire books?? #thirsty www.unitedbypop.com/books/vampir...

The mass starvation & killing of Palestinians in Gaza at the hands of the Israeli gov’t is a chillul hashem, a desecration of God. Jewish leaders who criticized Zohran Mamdani for three words he doesn’t use should raise their voices loudly here as well. forward.com/opinion/7575...

a reminder that @bookshop.org is doing free shipping right now through July 11 w/ the anti-prime day sale and that means you can stick it to a billionaire, support your local indies (and by extension your community), AND get books!!! (If you want to buy my books today, I won't be mad about it!)

It's that time again! #BNPreorder

I mean fine but if Mamdani was Spider-Man the editor of the big local paper would have a completely over-the-top and underexplained vendetta against him

"I wish it need not have happened in my time," said Frodo. "Haha," said Gandalf, hitting his weed pen for the eighteenth time in the past hour. “Hahaha. Fuck."

🚨BREAKING NYT🚨: on college admissions forms Zohran Mamdani ticked a box indicating he is "male"

Spanish really smoked us with y. One of the most common words ever and it takes us 3 whole clunky letters while they have y. Humiliating

it’s even more demoralizing when the history you’re repeating is history you were around for the first time

"if luck be a lesbian" instaclassic

read this please www.nytimes.com/2025/05/13/o...

Used "sir this is a Wendy's" on an uncooperative boy tonight struggling against his pajamas. Surprisingly effective

Most clarifying era in politics in America as anything I can recall because it’s so simple: You’re either for this or against. Pick a side.

You heard it here first -- THIRSTY is Lasagna-approved 😁🦇🩸