my name's Cookie Cracker and I'll be your surgeon tonight

the state of IL keeps garnishing my wages bc of a mistake THEY made over my 2018 taxes 🤗 i've been overdrafting at the end of almost every month bc they're taking $700 out of my paychecks every month!! yay yippee!!!! anyway please buy some shit so i won't be in the red anymore therobotique.etsy.com

let's blink and lilt

clearing the salt crusted bladder wrack strewn across my bed so you can sit down

my pickup basketball team has, down to the man, the chilling look of professional killers much accustomed to violence

don't know what that means, next. don't understand that, next. that one doesn't scan, next. almost got that one but not quite, next. don't know what that means, next. that's not true, next.

What you see in the Sun, is the Chicago skyline from the Indiana Dunes beach, across Lake Michigan. You can see it from 50 miles of distance due to a form of superior mirage, because the skyline is seen above where it's actually located. [📷 wesskywalker]

you're executing a $2.5B leveraged buy-out, but im having a $25 beveraged lay-out. it's a beautiful day

*Black Pill*, dir. Jesi Gaston, 2019

daddy and his computer, story submitted to creative computing magazine (1974) archive.org/details/crea...

mystic koan overheard on the red line "seven shots of vodka make my tummy feel all types of way"

Explore our violent neighborhoods and experience our fiendish hospitality firsthand

VANED MACE. VANED MACE. VANED MACE VANED MACE. VANED MACE. VANED MACE VANED MACE. VANED MACE. VANED MACE VANED MACE. VANED MACE. VANED MACE VANED MACE. VANED MACE. VANED MACE VANED MACE. VANED MACE. VANED MACE VANED MACE. VANED MACE. VANED MACE

that boy's built like a Pitney Bowes machine

i know we’re in a saturated media environment but zionists paid Trump to pardon a right wing leader so he could attack leftist governments across latin america i can’t believe this story hasn’t broken through

wishing bugs could see me as more than just a great pile of filth to be salivated over and vomited on. more than mere a sack of moisture in which to inject their poisons and progeny. a playground of smells and flavors to have their way with...

avalanches songs post-SILY be like: rap verse: WISH I WAS EATIN’ CEREAL, WATCHIN’ COURAGE & MURIEL sample from 70s childrens choir: always smile and clap your haaaands! clip from Fox & The Hound with reverb: we’ll always be friends forever…..won’t we? 🦊

startling new advancements in technological hyper-compassion

The anniversary of the MOVE bombing. America attacking Black people in a city with brutal imperial force.

Every time I teach the MOVE bombing, students are shocked. And when I teach the aftermath involving an anthropologist who hoarded some of the remains and used them as teaching tools, they are even more shocked. And I teach in Pennsylvania. Even some students from Philly are unaware of this history

Your gall is important to us. Please stay on the vine and the next available parasitic wasp larva will emerge from you.

Big knife on my side, I don't wanna utilize

cryoswale

coffee alternative "postum" used to be advertised in newspapers with comics set in an alternate universe where caffeine reduces impulse control a la benzodiazepines, personified by a top hat-wearing ghost named "Mr. Coffee-Nerves"

just realized this is actually true

Hey, I'm offering something valuable completely free. Nothing weird here. Hit the link to enter before it's too late. Done in about 10 seconds. Could end up yours. Try now.

You are a skilful and trusted vizier. You will advise me wisely on how best to rule the kingdom. You will not scheme or plot. You will not inveigle my other courtiers into turning against me. You will not lie to me about scheming or plotting. If you scheme or plot against me, you have to tell me,

meatball spaghetti!!!!!!!!!!

what you're seeing here, right now is a fascinating example of something boring and normal that happens every day

Data Loch

mentally, emotionally, spiritually devastated by "absolutely worth it" $20 lunch

My Conquest Is the Sea of Stars, But Your Thing's Cute Too

I could easily finish off Roger in a fraction of that time

Judith Befriending Holofernes

The file you are attempting to preview could change your life forever.

I live in Foul Rift, New Jersey.

We'll get there one day! The World of the Moon

getting the homie surgery soon

Lake Shore Drive? oh, you mean the Chicago Bund

gave a guy wrong directions on purpose for no reason #DarkLocal

URGENT COMMUNIQUÉ TO ALL MY GENERALS!! Hello

still the most fun I've ever had at work www.vice.com/en/article/a...