Sci-fi writers love naming characters shit like Kip Uvula or Gilgamesh Jones & then constantly using both the first & surname whenever the character is mentioned.

I have no time to hate on Chris Nolan. I spend all my time completely alone hating on Yorgos.

POWER-DEUCE BLUE MONSTER

Oh no. The apocalypse air has arrived

Her: "That was amazing. Could you play some Tchaikovsky next?" Me gently closing the fallboard on my $125,000 antique Steinway: "I'm afraid I only know the Streets of Fire soundtrack, my dear."

Final birthing class. Teacher had a full on Fargo style MN accent which is always fun.

Now that I'm married & have a child on the way I wish I had a terrible 2000s era webcomic about gaming or nerd shit so that I could shoe horn those facts into the comic.

Atypical tetracyclic antidepressant...well as long as it's atypical I guess.

Swapping propane tanks on my backyard grill as a staff writer for the Atlantic looks on in stunned amazement. He clutches his laptop bag close & begins to weep. "Lisan al-Gaib!" He says.

Looking into buying a bicycle. Is there a reason some of them cost more than my motorcycle? Do they cost so much because riding one allows you to break any & all traffic laws? Are they made of platinum? Are bicyclists as a people all just massive rubes?

Wife looked at me earlier and remarking on my mood & tiredness said "Right now you look like how you look in drawings of yourself."

The Party Place Kranzburg, SD

I'm learning to sew

Too hot to be on a roof. Too old...fat...so warm...dying

This plate is probably really confusing to people who don't lnow anything about Mustangs

Daniel Clowes & Ari Aster in conversation for the Criterion Channel? Is this 🧐 what you think of me algorithm?

Hey remember on the other site when I used to draw things that aren't great but post them anyway because I was bored?

In birthing class they said you should bring in images to inspire the mother to be strong so I'm going to bring Batman issue 681. I'm sure wife will appreciate it.

I'm also a dumb white hick with vaguely progressive views if I run for office will every lib media freak in the world get behind my campaign or do I have to also be evil like the Maine guy?

You know that country you think is better than ours? Well it actually isn't and here is why. -The Substack Maven

American with the ventral physiology of a glass frog. Six fully formed Raising Cane's chicken fingers clearly visible in the stomach cavity. They float in a solution of Monster energy & Natty Ice. Rotating slowly and gracefully like aerial silk dancers. As they descend the audience weeps & cheers.

"Is this allowed?" Vine guy "Wow" Vine guy "I could have dropped my crouisant" Vine guy Ted Kaczynski

Made the mistake of leaving the city for the weekend & now I want to fight every single person I see at every gas station

Ripping massive vape clouds in the MRI scanner

Billionaires love looking like Earthworm Jim

There should be an incredibly weak X-Man called Lidocaine

Ah a new season of Alone. My favorite show where I root for various exmilitary libertarian psychos to accidently cut themselves or start crying when they can't make a fire.

I'm in St Louis Park looking at $2000 baby chairs

Fact: The decline in third spaces is linked to everyone just generally being fucking lame nowadays. Souce: Multiple scientists who are so smart they wear graduation caps at all times 24/7 like cartoon owls

Due to circumstances I don't fully understand despite my wife explaining them to me I am now in possession of this FX's The Bear cutting board.

I just saw 14 of this guy walking a dog at Powderhorn park.

I cooked some extremely good chili dogs. Because I am exceptionally skilled at hot dogery

I should join a political organization so I can go to meetings, sit way in the back, and talk shit under my breath.

Attempting to read sci-fi again. It's the genre I get along with least and I feel like I'm too mean to it.

Going to birthing class. They are gonna do that thing where they make me say my name and something about myself. I know they will. Yuck.

Thats like 2.5 Zunes!

Going to motorcycle today. Will it fuck up my back? Yeah probably.

Wife out of town for the night. I have reset to default programming.

this book is the result of teaching the course "stupid for dummies" 500 times during my appointments at yale, the university of chicago, and university of california at berkeley. you hold in your hands the distilled knowledge of literally lifetimes of dumb ass holes

Rainy day behind what I have dubbed the dork window

Was trying to concentrate at PT but the dude next to me was talking to his PT guy about which places have the best burgers in town.

Whatsapp ad during world cup is like advertising water to fish

Considering expanding my overpriced hipster bullshit purchasing tendencies into designing the child's room.

Unborn daughter didn't get me shit for father's day.

One of These Mornings by Moby plays mournfully as I drive away from Arby's grinding gears in a Lambo with the top down. Stoic & perfectly lit, hair flying in the wind, popping tums like candy. A sly smile. The Big Montana is back. For a limited time.

Marvel vs Capcom 2 announcer voice* Oh man, I almost had a heart attack there!

It's nice out

⚡️👶

I've never looked up pictures of Tbilisi before now. I honestly don't think I'd be able to rob a bank shipment there. Much too picturesque.