I forgot my headphones and this has been the longest work day of my life

When the lights flicker in the elevator you’re in:

Got to tell the story of how I fell in love with Daryl Sittler’s statue again. Greatest candid photo taken of me ever before and ever again.

gotta say some of these hockey podcasters reacting to Heated Rivalry are really giving Marcus from Superstore

Every time I get blood drawn I always get the nurse who tries and can’t find my vein and then go “oh we’re gonna need ROBERTA” and you’re like okay I’m guessing Roberta is the one with magic vein finding skills and then Roberta comes over and stabs me in a weird spot not in my elbow and voila blood

Me getting an email about my new contacts:

OKAY BUT I FUCKING NAILED THIS

Gravy experiment appears to be successful

Got into my drs office early and did the intake so I thought it would go quickly but now I’ve been sitting on the paper bed for over 30 minutes and no one has come back

Following in @1001cranes.bsky.social’s footsteps and now I need a night guard. hopefully the rest of my day doesn’t go exactly the same route 🙃

I have a dentist cleaning and a doctor’s appt this afternoon. Maximizing my afternoon off work.

Roomie and I are both normally in the office today but we both ran into each other in the kitchen like

Shae and exchanged Christmas gifts and she SCREAMED when she opened the all-female firefighter calendar.

Came to the realization that if I add a littl cornstarch I could probably turn my mushroom soup into mushroom gravy Maybe veggie poutine in my near future

Came home to “can’t sit on the couch because lesbian sex was had and the waterproof sex dog blankets FAILED so the couch cushions have to be washed.” So how’s your Monday going?

Every time my Buffalo artist posts available flash I’m like….buffalo in winter…but tattoo…

Tzatziki chickpeas. Trying some new recipes to throw into the rotation

Me eating little gherkins and olives at holiday parties: …white people banchan

Mushroom soup! Turned out pretty good actually, I like one (1) mushroom thing

I'm getting mixed messages about what is okay to do to presidents

Bought all of the ingredients to make mushroom soup since Amanda and I had one to DIE FOR during our tea last week

I got called out for wearing a hoodie to the gym so apparently everyone noticed I was a freak who never wore a coat

for real

This man found out it was my birthday and gave me a free tequila shot 🫠

My airplane friend came over and we talked about going ice skating but now we’re just watching Heated Rivalry

Bully me. #HeatedRivalry via HBOMax on instagram

I love my brother. He called me and after about 3 minutes he was like “yeah I’m all small-talked out…sooooo…”

Sfogliatella, breakfast of champions

Coming up on nine years

im used to waking up to insane news but "the us kidnapped the president of venezuela which we are now at war with" kind of. tops it all? im not really sure what to say? except that giving a madman and his cronies a huge army was a bad idea.

Listening to EDM in the car wash like god intended.

I looked down and this little freak was just watching me

I need to make dinner. I haven’t cooked in like two weeks due to holiday travel

If you are a straight man in your 30s and 40s and "still figuring your dating goals", get off the dating apps and go take some long walks in a park to avoid wasting a grown woman's time.

lol holy shit

Me: *drinking an energy drink on the drive home and taking edibles when I get back* My body:

Hmmm I started a tradition

Played the “we only have one lane” game through most of eastern/central MA before I got fed up and started passing. The cloud break/weather change was so comically distinct.

The first person to text me in the new year was my situationship, happy heated rivalry to all who celebrate!

When you stop petting:

“many angry posts should have been naps or little packets of crackers” is deep wisdom and you don’t need to reproduce to embrace it!

Tripped walking up the stairs on to the green line car and ate shit. Happy new year, I’m gonna be better than ever.

bye 2025👋

Ginger has now sat on me like half a dozen times 🔥

Maybe we're just too stupid a species to have nice things

Zohran Mamdani will be sworn in as NYC's first Muslim mayor on a Qur'an from the personal collection of the great Afro-Boricua intellectual Arturo Schomburg—as well as Qur'ans owned by Mamdani's grandparents. www.nypl.org/press/schomb...

All the beautiful toothpicks I stole from the tiki bar on Monday

Today is the last day that you can repost this image

Ginger said “no internet scrolling for mom”

Not Amanda and I just watching five minutes of Joker: Folie À Deux to watch Connor Storrie stab Joaquin Phoenix