Curled up in bed like

Me: where do I keep getting shin bruises My shopping cart: she ran into my bar….she ran into my bar ten times.

Listening to my “I Support Women’s Wrongs” playlist while cleaning

C a b b a g e p i l e

Mixed signals I get from situationship: 1. Doesn’t want to date 2. Broke the serpentine belt on his car THIS MORNING but is borrowing someone’s truck so he can still drive 2 hours to see me

Humanity runs on spite lmao

Me after I poked every avocado in the store: nailed it

Unfortunately woke up at 5AM this morning because that’s when I get up for the gym on weekdays so this is who I am now

Devastating quote: "Unfortunately, I can’t in good faith participate in an organization that kicked off the awards ceremony with a land acknowledgement, and then proceeded to minimize the sole acceptance speech delivered by an Indigenous artist"

We're at a point where there are no cheap options to retreat to and no price points that guarantee quality. Every run-down studio is $1400, every fast food meal is $17, every luxury condo has peel-n-stick tiles, every $300 pair of boots falls apart. Endless expensive mediocrity.

The age old question: am I ovulating or is every man in the gym wearing a backwards cap this week

When my Picross game finally updates and I get new levels

Every article and post I see related to the Epstein files is just “fork found in kitchen.”

It is Too Early to piss me off this much at work

🕳️

Spring is in the air!* *the caps have released their cherry blossom jersey design for the year

Me sitting here for for several minutes trying to decipher someone’s dating profile saying “NYY | NYJ | NYR” like “new york york, new york jersey, new OH it’s sports teams”

Me watching Dropout: what enjoyable content Me seeing the clips of Dropout/The Rookie collab: I somehow forgot that theater kids ARE annoying

IT’S NOT EVEN THREE OF THE O’CLOCK

A Postmaster and a civil engineer. I really come by my bureaucracy honest

Damnit Shoresy…..you nailed it

SO MUCH snow melted today. There’s a river across our driveway

If you can’t do all of your dishes in one session then your bloodline is weak

There was a strongly worded formal letter from my other uncle and magically I get to go pick up the rest* of his belongings today *not sure if it’s of them but it’s certainly more

When the ice flies off the roof of my car on the highway:

When my coworker starts a sentence with “Idk if you watch heated rivalry, I don't but all I know is it's about gay male hockey players who are APPARENTLY named Shane and Iliya” and I just

Enjoying my weird little alternative house

Ugly laughing this was my first date with HVCP “metaphorically I’d love to be his favorite twink” dying

I’ve had some all-time hoe tweets 🥲

Was looking for an old tweet and I found this gem, @balconyskeletons.bsky.social aw we did ittttttt

I’m going to say something stupid…. I didn’t realize the guy from Leverage: Redemption was the lead from The Pitt 🫣 In my defense I don’t look at The Pitt gifs that closely because I want to watch it at some point and he’s a bit scruffier but yeah this one’s on me

Every time I say “why is every fucking light in this house on” my dad somewhere perks up and he doesn’t know why.

Duncan Idaho...further proof that 'what if a guy was awesome' is a great idea for a character

Just watched a random video where a guy was helping his son redo his backyard. A voice goes “you don’t look 53” and he goes “it’s not the years, it’s the miles” and why does every millenial feel that in their bones

This obviously very stupid but is it also smart? We’ll talk to some liars after this break.

We are training undergrads (18-22) to digitize vcr tapes, cassettes, and vinyl. We introduce phrases like "rewind" into their vocab and made diagrams of what a tape looks like from 6 angles. And we get questions like "how do I rewind a record" which is understandable but turns my bones to dust.

Me: why did I have such weird dreams last night My bedside table:

There’s a picture of Jack Hughes on the counter at my gym and I’m not SURPRISED but I’m thinking I might buy a picture of Megan Keller and gift it to the owner

Silver fox at the gym is wearing a backwards hat and thick glasses like the worlds oldest skateboarder, I’m weak

I try not to be mean but our water isn’t working properly and my roommate keeps trying different faucets to check and I’m like “are you fucking stupid.”

Grad application submitted 🫡

Me in bed with my mezza platter

My uncle has transferred rehab nursing homes and he’s missing like 70% of his belongings, that place was a fucking joke

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, NyQuil is the closest thing the modern age has to a magic potion. The red is for health, the green is for mana!

LRS - technically I never have the wrong coat because I wear the same denim jacket from January to December ✌️

Regret to announce that we’ve reached Wrong Coat season. Every coat you wear from now til mid April will be The Wrong Coat for the weather

Me and the bottle of NyQuil looking at each other

Ordering takeout for the first time since the new year (excluding Boston shenanigans) because I’m sick and I deserve it and in anticipation of finishing my grad application

Buying tickets to the Anberlin “Never Take Friendship Personal” 20th Anniversary Tour