Just to be very clear: The Trump DOJ is stealing $1.2 million of your money to gift one of Trump’s cronies, who pled guilty to the crimes he was charged with, and whose suit against the government had already been tossed by a judge.

i'm just filled with loathing and rage

“'I tested the system and the system failed,' he said." You've been convicted of 2 misdemeanors and a felony, idiot. That's the system working.

All right. I’m gonna go ahead and close my eyes for a bit. MIGHT actually sleep. Don’t you go off doing all the stupid shit you can while I’m not looking, again. Fuckin’ yo, just chill for some hours. Ssshit

The US government collected over $1 billion in immigration fees then refused to process the applications. No denials. No refunds. Just silence. This is the largest fee fraud in the history of the American immigration system. Here's what's happening. 🧵

Neoguri put their mascot in my instant udon. I don’t know if that’s supposed to be a kitty, or an owl, maybe a tanooki. Vaguely cute, but those eyes are clearly judging me

THREAD: Cherise Doyley was in her 12th hour of contractions at the hospital when a tablet was brought to her bedside. On the screen was a Zoom call with a judge and several lawyers and doctors. She was in court, a nurse told her. The reason? For failing to agree to a C-section.

When I was a teenager, a friend shamed me for calling the dead animal on our doorstep a “possum.” He was right, it’s “opossum.” My local news network just went with “possum” in text and speech, without signaling that they dropped a letter. No, I do not feel proud, or vindicated. I need sleep.

i remember as a kid, a "big city" trope i used to see was a guy in a trench coat walking up to you on the street and opening his jacket to reveal a bunch of watches and jewelry for sale, likely stolen that trope also describes exactly how i feel when any brand advertises ai towards me

WHOA. Lewandowski is accused of demanding fees from a private prison company to steer them ICE contracts, at a time when he was widely known to be running DHS on Kristi Noem's behalf, then punishing them when they didn't pay up. Congress should conduct a full and bipartisan investigation into this.

I just saw a commercial where two women were flirting with an anthropomorphic box literally full of shit. On network television. Amazing. It’s like I’m living inside an episode of Mr. Show

I’ve asked people this before, and they usually laugh. Which is not helpful. But for real: what do joggers do with their keys? That shit jangles

[Back in the day] Friend 1: Pffff, that’s not real. Where’d you hear that? Friend 2: But Craig said … F1: Man, Craig just makes up shit he thinks sounds real. [Today] Tech Bros: We have invented society‘s future. Behold, ELECTRIC CRAIG! World Leaders: We pledge our nations’ GDPs to Craig!

Totally unrelated: I made garlic confit today

I did it. I finally won. My bedsheets smell like garlic.

The war in Iran has already cost $22.8 billion. For $22.8 billion, we could: • Provide Medicaid to 6.8 million kids • Build 2.6 million public housing units • Fund Head Start for 1.3 million • Hire 240,000 teachers • Cancel $20,000 in student debt for 1 million borrowers

ICE has killed someone new.

BREAKING: US minesweepers successfully removed mines in the Strait Of Hormuz that were never there after an oil tanker was escorted by a naval vessel that doesn't exist in an operation to obliterate a nuclear program that's already been obliterated in an escalating war that will be over shortly.

This is what happens when you let sadists have authority:

Newly released footage shows an ICE agent killing Rubin Ray Martinez, 23, in his car in Texas. "He was shot at point-blank range through his side window by an ICE agent who was in no danger." www.bbc.com/news/article...

We're at a point where there are no cheap options to retreat to and no price points that guarantee quality. Every run-down studio is $1400, every fast food meal is $17, every luxury condo has peel-n-stick tiles, every $300 pair of boots falls apart. Endless expensive mediocrity.

But what if we made it so people could earnestly tell themselves, “There’s no advantage to me being an asshole here”?

Guys. This is crazy. But I’m starting to think that these obscenely rich people don’t have our best interests at heart.

“The U.S. military deliberately murdered eight civilians during peacetime.” There, I fixed your headline for you. Money please

My entire life, I’ve seen people complain about smelling like garlic. I have finally built up enough character to push back. Yo, garlic smells amazing. I enjoy smelling, and even smelling like, garlic. Garlic is delicious. Is that the real issue? Do people worry about smelling too delicious?

Because firearms are not defensive weapons. They are murder weapons. Point-and-click murder weapons. Those people bought their guns hoping they would get to kill people, quickly and easily. And now they can live out those fantasies.

This is how stupid they think we are: They’re going to rid us of “the worst of us” by arming and flooding our streets with the actual worst of us.

Deport ICE

“Other people don’t matter” should be immediately disqualifying for wealth and power. This should be our first, and most scrupulous test, as a society. It is not. And we all suffer the consequences.

[Pete Hegseth stands in his Pentagon office, shirtless, curling a 5lb weight while staring lustily at himself in the mirror. “Rock You Like a Hurricane“ blares in the background] “Hey Siri, do a war for me.”

I’ve had a personal Yahoo! email account for decades. Now, I’m locked out of the account until I agree to their new terms that say they will be giving my personal emails to AI:

During the U.S.-Israeli attack in Iran on Saturday, dozens of people, most of them likely children, were killed when a strike hit a girls’ elementary school in Minab and a high school in Tehran, according to Iranian health officials, state media and a human rights group. trib.al/y3MsQLC

Netanyahu Calls Iran Strikes Necessary To Prevent War He Just Started

Here's a story about his death www.investigativepost.org/2026/02/25/b...

Me: I’m done with this topic. Also, me: AND ANOTHER THING

Embed Bandcamp now? Hokay sure. Not the best mixing/mastering in the world, but I stand by it. Made some funsies, had some funsies, sharing some funsies: slapstickroberts.bandcamp.com/album/a-litt...

[Back in the day] Friend 1: Pffff, that’s not real. Where’d you hear that? Friend 2: But Craig said … F1: Man, Craig just makes up shit he thinks sounds real. [Today] Tech Bros: We have invented society‘s future. Behold, ELECTRIC CRAIG! World Leaders: We pledge our nations’ GDPs to Craig!

A special-education teacher was killed on Monday when a man fleeing immigration agents in Savannah, Georgia, crashed a car into the teacher’s vehicle, according to the local police. nyti.ms/4rMI64a

Just felt my phone vibrate in my pocket like I got a new text. Except my phone is in my hand …

This is the 38th time that the U.S. military has unlawfully killed civilians on the orders of Pete Hegseth and Donald Trump. At least 130 people — never charged with crimes, their identities unknown to their executioners — are now dead.

Really enjoying the olympic ice skating rhythm dancing. The theme is 90’s apparently, but the competitors are too young to remember. So lemme offer a free win condition: Perform to “Free Your Mind” by En Vogue. Then don’t worry about points. Just work. Mouth the words to the camera. You win life

Isn’t it weird that curling has a titular activity, and they often frantically yell it at each other? Does any other sport do that? Like, nobody’s every shouting “Hockey, do hockey now!” Or like, that one sport with the shotguns, you never hear “Pull!” “Ahhhh, SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET!”

Good morning. The President of the United States was in the middle of the most serious child sex trafficking ring of the last quarter century. He is referenced not a dozen times in the case files. Not 100 times. Not 1,000 times. He’s referenced 38,000 times.

These olympic athletes are truly amazing. The televised video evidence of their accomplishments is profoundly inspiring. But, like, just think how much more amazing AI generated sports would be, right? No limit to the spins or speed or crazy air tricks that software can fake. See the problem yet?

Was driving my kids to school and the first thing on the radio was reporting about Trump's video depicting the Obamas as apes and I think many people still don't fully appreciate what it means to have to raise Black children in a country where the president is so brazenly and consistently racist

“Hey guys. So today I’m making this super easy and amazing 2-ingredient recipe that anybody can throw together in minutes. So good. Okay so to start, all you’ll need are these 12 ingredient, these half-dozen specific kitchen tools, and maybe an hour of dedicated manual labor. Like and subscribe.”

As I was rolling over in bed just now, I took a chunk out of my nose with my fingernail. Because I am a highly evolved specimen.

President Trump has filed a lawsuit against the IRS, in which he demands that the IRS, which he as president controls, pay him $10 billion. storage.courtlistener.com/recap/gov.us...

It's near-white out conditions in Chicago as the snow comes down, and tonight's anti-ICE/CBP rally is wrapping up in front of city hall. But not before the crowd bounces and chants, "I believe that we will win!"

Don't ever let anybody tell you you're stupid for mourning the death of an artist you didn't personally know. Sometimes artists really, really mean something to you. And it's deep and personal, and you DO feel like they're a part of you, and that's OK. That's what great art, the best art, does.❤️