"your boyfriend doesn't deserve you" = me whenever I see literally any woman with a boyfriend

Me trying to find some way to relax in 2025:

I have 2 therapists who know each other and today they said "We've been tracking your menstrual cycle and your hormones, so we know what's going on with you emotionally." My first thought was to laugh at how funny that is, and my second was "wow what a DREAM." and I guarantee I'm not alone lol

You ever google someone you used to be sooo in love with and you see a photo of them now and realize HE WAS JUST SOME GUY??? Not special, not even that hot, simply JUST SOME MAN!!!!

You ever google someone you used to be sooo in love with and you see a photo of them now and realize HE WAS JUST SOME GUY??? Not special, not even that hot, simply JUST SOME MAN!!!!

A necessary deep dive on social media burnout, the worsening of the attention economy, and diminishing returns from the Endless Scroll of the Internet, and how to break free and why it's so damn hard!!! Listen right now at Patreon.com/LaneMoore 🌹🫡

I have 2 therapists who know each other and today they said "We've been tracking your menstrual cycle and your hormones, so we know what's going on with you emotionally." My first thought was to laugh at how funny that is, and my second was "wow what a DREAM." and I guarantee I'm not alone lol

just yelled "YOU DONT EXIST!!!!" to a group of catcallers in a shitty van. recommend.

A necessary deep dive on social media burnout, the worsening of the attention economy, and diminishing returns from the Endless Scroll of the Internet, and how to break free and why it's so damn hard!!! Listen right now at Patreon.com/LaneMoore 🌹🫡

#CancelCultureOnSteroids-theKimmelEpisode bsky.app/profile/hell...

The cancellation of Jimmy Kimmel, all because Jimmy called out Donald Trump’s hypocrisy, is an infuriating omen. Unpacking the ways this cancellation speaks volumes about free speech, comedy speaking truth to power, and how to make sense of it all, on my podcast.🤡Listen now at Patreon.com/LaneMoore

just yelled "YOU DONT EXIST!!!!" to a group of catcallers in a shitty van. recommend.

"TikTok's Algorithm Will Be Controlled by Oracle in the U.S." is a scary prospect. Giving another far-right billionaire another social media platform to use for propaganda.

Breaking news: my waiter just gave me, a person who doesn't drink, a nonalcoholic drink for free as a way to flirt. This has only ever happened to me with alcohol. This is a landmark win for sober hotties.🙏

happy Bisexual Awareness Week to everyone who is attracted to all genders and yet is still single how cool is that

Breaking news: my waiter just gave me, a person who doesn't drink, a nonalcoholic drink for free as a way to flirt. This has only ever happened to me with alcohol. This is a landmark win for sober hotties.🙏

happy Bisexual Awareness Week to everyone who is attracted to all genders and yet is still single how cool is that

My dog Lights has had a tough past few weeks and she's been such a good girl the whole time and fully healed, so I attempted to make her a special Michelin (Dog) Star meal as a treat and it looks pretty great I think!??🌸🐕

Jimmy Kimmel's cancellation is a reminder of what we already knew: Donald Trump is a classic narcissist, who will say whatever he wants, no matter how horrible, and never expect you to call him out on it. And if you do, he will punish you and make you feel like the villain.

Being an adult is constantly being surprised that someone is younger than you thought they were, or older than you thought they were, all the time forever.

I just said "I'm gonna get some painkillers and take a bath!" and immediately realized my relaxing evening plans sound eerily similar to how many of my favorite artists died.💀

Jimmy Kimmel's cancellation is a reminder of what we already knew: Donald Trump is a classic narcissist, who will say whatever he wants, no matter how horrible, and never expect you to call him out on it. And if you do, he will punish you and make you feel like the villain.

The cancellation of Jimmy Kimmel, all because Jimmy called out Donald Trump’s hypocrisy, is an infuriating omen. Unpacking the ways this cancellation speaks volumes about free speech, comedy speaking truth to power, and how to make sense of it all, on my podcast.🤡Listen now at Patreon.com/LaneMoore

Dentists need to stop telling people "you're grinding your teeth at night" like yes, I'm stressed most of the time. We are all stressed most of the time. Instead, they should tell people who DON'T grind their teeth at night: "wow you're this peaceful? RIGHT NOW? For real?! Suspicious."

Dentists need to stop telling people "you're grinding your teeth at night" like yes, I'm stressed most of the time. We are all stressed most of the time. Instead, they should tell people who DON'T grind their teeth at night: "wow you're this peaceful? RIGHT NOW? For real?! Suspicious."

to people who go to the gym a lot: have you heard of tv?

This week’s Yellowjackets has it all: slut-shaming, making out in a blood covered death trap, terrifying deer, cryptic Natalie texts, a blood-stained Taissa, Misty Quigly blasting Phantom Of The Opera wielding a poisoned needle. go read my recap of it all right now at LaneMoore.Substack.com 🐝🥩

Portland, Oregon is one of my favorite places to go on tour so I'm COMING BACK with Tinder Live, swiping on the weirdest tinder profiles, matching + messaging live! It's the funniest show, you gotta be there! Get tickets + tell your PNW pals I'm coming Oct 23!!!🍁🍂 tomorrowtheater.org/movies/tinde...

These people are praying the shooter was a person of color from some "scary foreign country" because that's their rhetoric of racism. "Evil scary brown people are the problem! And most assaults happen because of scary Black strangers, not (the truth) your close friend who's white!" Pathetic.

Some of these folks out there would've said hitler didn't deserve to go out like that, but like "do unto others"???? so here are some true facts man idk🧘 #charliekirk

This week’s Yellowjackets has it all: slut-shaming, making out in a blood covered death trap, terrifying deer, cryptic Natalie texts, a blood-stained Taissa, Misty Quigly blasting Phantom Of The Opera wielding a poisoned needle. go read my recap of it all right now at LaneMoore.Substack.com 🐝🥩

I'm writing some new essays for you as we speak, so if you haven't subscribed to my Substack yet, go do that right now so you can get them in your inbox!!!🌞🌹🌞 LaneMoore.Substack.com

Can't believe a profile that starts with "Greetings female!" gets wayyy worse from there but here we are???

Can't believe a profile that starts with "Greetings female!" gets wayyy worse from there but here we are???

Portland, Oregon is one of my favorite places to go on tour so I'm COMING BACK with Tinder Live, swiping on the weirdest tinder profiles, matching + messaging live! It's the funniest show, you gotta be there! Get tickets + tell your PNW pals I'm coming Oct 23!!!🍁🍂 tomorrowtheater.org/movies/tinde...

Some of these folks out there would've said hitler didn't deserve to go out like that, but like "do unto others"???? so here are some true facts man idk🧘 #charliekirk

Charlie Kirk's assassination is the best joke a right wing man has ever told. Because someone else wrote the punchline for him.

I was just in the grocery store and a hot Gen Z lesbian walked up to me and said "I love your outfit" and winked at me, so it's true what they say: women don't dress for men, they dress for hot lesbians they don't realize are flirting with them until 7 minutes later.👯‍♀️🛒

I was just in the grocery store and a hot Gen Z lesbian walked up to me and said "I love your outfit" and winked at me, so it's true what they say: women don't dress for men, they dress for hot lesbians they don't realize are flirting with them until 7 minutes later.👯‍♀️🛒

Charlie Kirk's assassination is the best joke a right wing man has ever told. Because someone else wrote the punchline for him.

I like to say “I have the vocabulary of an over-educated sailor”. Thanks theater school! 👍

I know a bunch of ya’ll are board game nerds. (Complimentary.)

Friends! Do you know of a great actually really fun murder mystery game? I'm talking a game you can play with like 7 people in a room together acting out characters and solving a murder? HELP!

As a girly with a dirty mouth who is often recorded saying “bad words,”this greatly comforts me.

Am I the only one who physically cannot handle listening to sales people? The second I feel I'm being "sold to" I recoil like someone is trying to murder me. But it's gotta feel good/fine to some people because there are so many salespeople so?!?

Hallelujah Amen

200%

I'm finally embracing my liberal use of swearing as an extension of who I am. I'm not "an idiot who swears because they're stupid," I am a very intelligent cool-ass bitch who says whatever she wants to say and sometimes those words are classified as "bad words" by people who are fucking dumb.😇

I swear pretty often and for so long I heard people say "people who swear aren't being creative and should use other words," but let me tell you: I'm a professional writer. I have access to all of the words, I LOVE finding the perfect word! And a lot of times, the perfect word is fuck.

sorry i cant work out today i had to put on a sports bra and now i'm too exhausted