The TSA agent in San Francisco saw my dog Lights in my tote bag and said, "that's fucking cool. That's so fucking cool." This dog is such an angel SHE MADE A TSA AGENT NICE.🙏🤘❤️

"I'm ready for my close-up, Mr. DeMille"💅🏻

SAN FRANCISCOOO! see you tonight at 730 for SponTourCon with Paul F Tompkins, Janet Varney! And 830pm for a ~new standup set~ with me, Doug Benson and Dean Delray!🌞Tickets are in thy sacred bio, as foretold in the prophecy.📿 CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW HAPPY LIGHTS IS THAT IT'S VERY HOT IN CALIFORNIA?🤩🥵

⚡️TONIGHT⚡️Janeane Garofalo joins me for Tinder Live at 7pm in SanFran to swipe through Tinder nightmares. It's 💋SOLD OUT💋but we highly recommend coming early to get standby tickets, there's always people who didn't feel like putting on pants or something. COME GET THEIR SEATS!👯‍♀️ See you tonight!

⚡️TONIGHT⚡️Janeane Garofalo joins me for Tinder Live at 7pm in SanFran to swipe through Tinder nightmares. It's 💋SOLD OUT💋but we highly recommend coming early to get standby tickets, there's always people who didn't feel like putting on pants or something. COME GET THEIR SEATS!👯‍♀️ See you tonight!

🚨ALL MY SHOWS ARE SOLD OUT I AM PSYCHED!!! *there's always standby tickets at the door so STILL COME just get there early pals🌞👽❤️

SAN FRANCISCOOO! see you tonight at 730 for SponTourCon with Paul F Tompkins, Janet Varney! And 830pm for a ~new standup set~ with me, Doug Benson and Dean Delray!🌞Tickets are in thy sacred bio, as foretold in the prophecy.📿 CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW HAPPY LIGHTS IS THAT IT'S VERY HOT IN CALIFORNIA?🤩🥵

Ok so tonight i'm doing a brand new standup set in San Fran about how heinous the us healthcare system is🤘I'm really psyched to bring my decades of rage to this set, so if you have healthcare system grievances i might've missed, drop em here👇

TONIGHT SAN FRANCISCO PALS!!! 730 Spontourcon w: @pftompkins.bsky.social Janet Varney and more great comics than it will allow me to tag! 830 @dougbensonland.bsky.social @deandelray.bsky.social and me doing STANDUP TO HEAL UR LIFE! And tomorrow Tinder Live w/JANEANE GAROFALO oh my see you soon!!

Hi pals! Made it to San Francisco for Sketchfest and we're ready to do all the comedy shows. Lights, obviously, most of all.🐾🎤

Hi pals! Made it to San Francisco for Sketchfest and we're ready to do all the comedy shows. Lights, obviously, most of all.🐾🎤

There's a toddler on my flight who keeps walking down the aisle and stopping and staring at my laptop. Finally, his mom told me, "He loves laptops." He. Loves. Laptops.

Pals!!! I'm doing RAD shows @sfsketchfest.bsky.social THIS WEEKEND that are going to be funny and healing to your soul: 1. Tinder Live w/the impeccable JANEANE GAROFALO on Jan 17th! 2. DOUG BENSON, DEAN DELRAY + me are doing a perfect standup show Jan 16! Tickets are almost gone so GO GET EM!!💥🍓

There's a toddler on my flight who keeps walking down the aisle and stopping and staring at my laptop. Finally, his mom told me, "He loves laptops." He. Loves. Laptops.

Pals!!! I'm doing RAD shows @sfsketchfest.bsky.social THIS WEEKEND that are going to be funny and healing to your soul: 1. Tinder Live w/the impeccable JANEANE GAROFALO on Jan 17th! 2. DOUG BENSON, DEAN DELRAY + me are doing a perfect standup show Jan 16! Tickets are almost gone so GO GET EM!!💥🍓

I'm at the airport and I need you to know that now the TSA wants to charge people $45 to verify their ID at the airport if they don't have real ID. Real ID was never about security. It was always about harassing brown people and unbridled corporate greed.

I swear if TSA enjoys harassing people for no reason and needless power trips so much they should just join ICE and be done with it.

Someone just posted something about a rich white person who got into trouble with a headline that said "the true crime story you can't turn away from." Ohhh, buddy. Watch me.

If you find yourself frustrated and angry that you’re constantly trying to move forward and create a better world than the one we have, while our government leaders try to drag us back as far back in time as possible, this podcast talks about all of the rage of that.🖤Listen at Patreon.com/LaneMoore

I love the shock people are JUST NOW having that cops are bad. "But cops used to be good and follow laws! Why are they suddenly bad???" Welcome! Black people, people of color, survivors, people who've witnessed and experienced police violence their whole lives have been here, waiting for you to see.

it's so crazy that Verizon is running low on service as our country is running low on empathy wonder which one will be restored first

ive seen more articles this week about how the phrase “abolish ice” could hurt dems in the midterms than ive seen articles about how paramilitary death squads terrorizing cities will hurt republicans in the midterms

Just got in an Uber and the driver told me "I have a fantastic day every day!" I joked "ha how you swing that?" and was then subjected to a 30 min lecture on how life is easy for everyone, choose to be happy, Trauma isn't real, gratitude, jesus, god etc. Moral of this story is TALK TO NO ONE.

I met some guys at the bar last night & they asked me if I use dating apps & I said not really & they said “so where do you meet guys?” & I said “TV” & they said “haha. TV?” I said “Yes, Jim Halpert, Nick Miller, Ben Wyatt, Freddie from Skins, ADA Rafael Barba on SVU” and they just stared at me.

the only thing people lose in a juice cleanse is friends

honestly if Olivia Benson wanted to quit working at SVU at this point i bet everyone would be like "thank god good choice so happy 4 you A+"

If you find yourself frustrated and angry that you’re constantly trying to move forward and create a better world than the one we have, while our government leaders try to drag us back as far back in time as possible, this podcast talks about all of the rage of that.🖤Listen at Patreon.com/LaneMoore

"we want to abolish ICE, but need to make sure they know we're not like Those Black People" "ICE never should have existed, but having slave catchers was fine"

Someone just posted something about a rich white person who got into trouble with a headline that said "the true crime story you can't turn away from." Ohhh, buddy. Watch me.

I made a new friend this week and her name is Noelle, and I had a dream about her. Will report back on if she wears keds and tube socks, if her boyfriend is a dick and he brings a gun to school, as our friendship progresses.

Doing radio interviews today for the festival this weekend and thinking about how my radio interviews used to be shock jocks calling me LADY GIRL COMEDIAN or WOMAN FEMALE MUSICIAN the whole time, and I'm very grateful I don't have to put up with that shit anymore.😇

i bet one part of heaven is just a bunch of large-chested girls wearing button-down shirts that fit properly.

Pals! If you're like me and you deeply need to laugh and be around kind people rn, I'm doing RAD shows at SF Sketchfest next week: 1. Tinder Live w/the impeccable JANEANE GAROFALO on Jan 17th! 2. DOUG BENSON, DEAN DELRAY + me are doing a rad standup show Jan 16! Get tickets before they're gone!!!

"Looking for someone who wants to be spoiled... and who will also be my personal assistant." Nothing toxic here at all!!

"Looking for someone who wants to be spoiled... and who will also be my personal assistant." Nothing toxic here at all!!

SCOOP: 404 Media has obtained material that explains how Tangles and Webloc, two surveillance systems ICE recently purchased, work. One can track phones without a warrant and follow their owners home or to their employer.

It is a BREATH OF FRESH AIR to see people able to mobilize on the drop of a hat and not get beat up by the cops because they’re not on the sidewalk or they’re using a megaphone — normal characteristics of protest the Adams admin strangled to death. Makes a massive difference. An overnight 180.

Pals! If you're like me and you deeply need to laugh and be around kind people rn, I'm doing RAD shows at SF Sketchfest next week: 1. Tinder Live w/the impeccable JANEANE GAROFALO on Jan 17th! 2. DOUG BENSON, DEAN DELRAY + me are doing a rad standup show Jan 16! Get tickets before they're gone!!!

If you're taking to the streets to protest, know your rights.

Will someone please tell me what to wear on tour next week and then go pack it all my suitcase for me? Thank you.

I'm doing a big standup show next week and i just came up with a new set I'm really, really excited about. Being ambitious and trying new things is my hell UNTIL things finally click in my head, and I know what to do, and then it's the best feeling.☃️

Writing in media in the late 2010s was hell and it's even worse now? I just went to see an article that I wrote in 2016, and they've completely taken my name off of it, there's two authors on it that I've never heard of who "added things." It all transformed into Clickbait and ur work is just gone.

Pals! If you're going to the SF sketchfest or ur anywhere near San Francisco, Tinder Live with JANEANE GAROFALO!!!! is on Jan 17! The show always sells out, so go get tickets now and tell ur friends! Janeane Garofalo and me riffing on crazy dating at profiles. 💪 www.ticketmaster.com/sf-sketchfes...

Being a musician in 2026 is crazy because I'm watching a movie set in 1989 where they got paid $700 for a gig and it was supposed to be a tiny amount, and I thought "i mean thats sadly a lot!" and checked the inflation and it would actually be $2k now lol we live in hell

what's that band that's just like four men?

i just paid my therapist in quarters.

Pals! If you're going to the SF sketchfest or ur anywhere near San Francisco, Tinder Live with JANEANE GAROFALO!!!! is on Jan 17! The show always sells out, so go get tickets now and tell ur friends! Janeane Garofalo and me riffing on crazy dating at profiles. 💪 www.ticketmaster.com/sf-sketchfes...

you know that thing in movies where someone sees someone so hot they have to do a double take and then they trip over something bc they were staring so hard? yeah i just did that with a cute dog

TV really made me believe that when you become an adult, all your friends live next-door and have a ton of free time and pop by daily to say hi and it has been a bitter disappointment that they absolutely do not.

Here's a very good 2026 thing: Standup from Me @dougbensonland.bsky.social @deandelray.bsky.social ALL ON ONE PERFECT SKETCHFEST SHOW Jan 16! I've been working on new jokes, amidst The Horrors, so you don't wanna miss this frankly impeccable lineup!!!👽👾🛸 sfsketchfest2026.sched.com/event/2BQyu/...