In the time it’s taken for England to win an overseas ODI, Donald Trump has stopped at least eight wars and cured autism #SLvEng

I know it's not within the hundred most awful things here, but... the nearest penguins to Greenland are in the Galapagos, five thousand fucking miles away

Crawley, Duckett, Bethell, Root, Brook....hmmm...hoping their preparation in Australia helps them hit their straps in Sri Lanka..#SLvEng

The Musk/Ryanair battle seems unfair. In one corner you've got generational talent shitposters, while in the other corner you've got the guy who thought that literally turning up with a sink to Twitter HQ when he bought it (*let that sink in! Geddit?*) was cutting edge satire.

"Look, I get it, he's mental but what the fuck do you want me to do?" - Labour +45%

He who hasn't fallen out with their family in a row over charitable donations for displaced dogs cast the first stone, say I...

Don’t know much about the High North but sounds the sort of place that should be ruled by someone like Begbie.

Watching New Zealand beat India in India (again) can’t help feeling England got the wrong Kiwi.

Incredibly, no-one on Nigel Farage’s team has got round to deleting this post. It’s still live as Robert Jenrick gives his big defection speech.

Correct

If you think South East Water have got a grip on chaos think again. More schools shut in Tonbridge today. They’re in meltdown.

this, from West Ham's Freddie Potts, is the single worst "five famous people you'd invite to dinner" I've ever seen

Classic England Test series in which Captain Fantastic injures himself in a vain cause because the team he picks isn’t able to deliver more than one decent performance in a row #ashes

Watching the cricket highlights and this would appear to be the least skill-ful display of bowling by an England team that I can remember in my life #ashes

The Bazball Ashes Paradox- the better England bat in this Test the more moronic their first three efforts look like #Ashes

Trump’s ended so many wars he’s now had to start one so he can claim credit for stopping it

England‘s strategy is to bankrupt Cricket Australia by only playing two day matches. Come 2036 it will really start to reap benefits.

‘Years’ of planning and England win Test without either of their frontline quicks on a wicket that looks like a rug #ashes

Duckett leading England’s traditional dressing room victory song: ‘Let’s get pissed in Noosa, let’s get pissed in Noosa…’ #ashes

Finally, a 𝐖 for England ✅ #AUSvENG #Ashes

Looking forward to Englsnd winning the fifth Test and Brook giving an interview saying we’d have won series ‘but batters probably didn’t go hard enough’ in first three #ashes

Take aways from England’s win? Their bowlers only now hitting their straps - massively underprepared when they arrived. Shame. #ashes

Forever a classic. #BoxingDayTestEve #Cricket 🏏

Was at a Christmas party with a load of clergy last night and as some people were leaving they found a person collapsed on the street outside so the Verger took over and called an ambulance and sent all the clergy away because "if they wake up surrounded by priests that'll just make things worse"

Good Christmas quiz question…Who’s the most Googled Brit in 2025? According to Playerstime it’s…..

The Bazball era brought success to English cricket after a fairly dire run under Root. But, batting-wise, unsustainable and ‘thick’. I DO think they have done well to talent spot. And like how they never give up when bowling - real plus of Stokes’ captaincy. But it’s done, gone, over #ashes

Watching highlights and, man, Jacks bowled some filth #Ashes

And on the eighth day they lost the Ashes #ashes

When the water companies try and tell you to save water next year it’s not down to lack of rain but lack of capacity. It’s been a wet autumn…

On TMS they interviewed some teenager who left England in August to walk to Australia to watch the cricket . He’s reached Singapore now and if I was him I’d turn round and head home #ashes

Atkinson with another great entry for thickest dismissal of the series #ashes

TNT insight: ‘That was the bender’ Finn: ‘The in-swinger’ #ashes

On TMS they interviewed some teenager who left England in August to walk to Australia to watch the cricket . He’s reached Singapore now and if I was him I’d turn round and head home #ashes

One and a half Tests in and England’s batting, bowling and fielding has failed #ashes

Wonder if any of England’s squad of ‘here for a good time not a long time’ batters wondering if it’s time to reappraise their approach #ashes

Uh, when does the ball start swinging? #ashes

Series of long hops and floated half volleys sheeez #ashes

Just seen the Smith drop off Archer. A duck and that. Not good #ashes

Starc’s bowled four good balls and got 16 wickets. Must love playing England #ashes

Why don't they just play the full 80 overs? It's not going to get too dark, is it? #ashes

Brook and Jacks out in near identical fashion. Jacks missed the one before so had another go. In a match poised like this. Unreal. It's just thick cricket #ashes

Starc has got Brooks out 4 times in Ashes tests. These are the balls he did it with. #ashes #theashes

Our monarchy costs us about half a billion pounds a year, and Andrew is just an extreme example of a wider culture of questionable royal entitlement ⬇️

Whingeing Aussies whingeing about the ball #ashes

Holy shit, getting stumped off a ramp shot would be the most Bazball dismissal ever #Ashes

Brook batting like a total idiot #ashes

Carey standing up to Australia’s opening bowler isn’t something I’d have predicted earlier this year #ashes

Just got up and watching it live on catch up - hoping my £50 on Duckett top scoring comes good #ashes

TNT with the world’s worst graphic #ashes

Thank God I didn’t wake up at 4am #ashes