I have no lore. My backstory is paper thin. My wikia entry is a stub and marked for deletion

We need to ban yanks from everywhere

I hold up the sword and look down its length. “Incredible,” I say. “This is an ancient sword of the Vac’neth. We have long since lost the technology to forge steel as they once did. Which is basically fine, because they weren’t very good. We have much better swords now”

In the future you will be able to download a horse directly to your living room

Yuko wants to grill. so we will grill

Son giving me a firm handshake on my deathbed

2026 starting out really well! Looking like it’s going be a banner year for Society

I will never watch a “video podcast.” Podcasts are for listening to when I’m on the bus. Are you watching videos on the bus. Are you even on the bus

That is not dead which can eternal lie, Like Tiny Tim, who did NOT die

Dude it’s disgusting how all the most powerful people in the world were on some rich audiophile’s island listening to low bitrate music. man I dunno the posts can’t all be good

man these are getting too real

I bought this before Jared went crazy

Hi everyone, I’m excited to talk about what we’ve been working on for the last few years: we’re proud to announce that in 2026 we’re launching Depression 2! It will provide the same Depression experience you’re used to, with some fantastic new features we think you’re going to love

Throwing a hotdog directly into my buddy’s mouth like a dart

Frank Sinatra’s first draft

Aragorn gently touching the shards of the Sybian that rocked Sauron's puss clean off

In space,

Apparently Marilyn Manson had one of his arm bones removed so he could jack himself off

Alternative universe where instead of investing all the money in the world into generative AI, tech companies spent trillions trying to invent smellovision

𝚞/𝚋𝚎𝚎𝚛𝚐𝚞𝚢𝟷𝟾𝟽𝟹𝟿 [𝙱𝚎𝚎𝚛 𝙽𝚘𝚘𝚋] Hey! I just tried a “Budweiser,” really enjoyed it! Anyone have any suggestions for my second beer? 𝚞/𝙴𝚕𝙲𝚎𝚛𝚟𝚎𝚣𝚊𝚂𝚞𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚖𝚘 [𝙱𝚛𝚎𝚠𝚖𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚛 🥇] Maybe come back when you’ve had your first beer 🙄

Dogshit ladder. Dreadful

I put my ear to the ground. “There were milves here, recently. Hot ones.” “What’d they want?” Asks the cowboy. “There’s only one thing a milf wants. Sex.” I look back at him. “No strings attached.” “Jesus Christ.”

All I can say is, try to live your life in a way that doesn’t make millions of people do the celebration from the end of Return Of The Jedi when they learn about your death.

Friendly reminder that Donald Trump has never explicitly stated their pronouns.

This is honestly such a dog shit URL. VERY displeasing to look at

Bluesky automatically saves your progress at certain points. When you see this icon, do not close Bluesky

You’re all so credulous. He has simply been returned to the Golden Throne where 1000 psykers are sacrificed to maintain his body

Diarrhoea is the only disease people like having

Criterion Closet but for porno

tfw you catch bro whispering poison in his lord’s ear to turn him against his allies 🤣

Guy who gets barbed wire forehead tattoo right before experiencing severe male pattern baldness

Coroner speaking into a tape recorder: heart and lungs appear normal, moving on to the stomach. Ah, here we go, looking at the contents, I can see… yep, an entire thing of corn chips. Julian mark down cause of death please, the deceased ate a little bit too much and their tummy hurt.

@demilardner.bsky.social show good

Commentator in the alternative universe where instead of professional wrestling there’s a global sports entertainment industry based around samurai: After fending off 100 of Randy Orton’s bandits, John Cena has earned the opportunity to be declared daimyō at Bushidōmania

When the tidings are glad, you know I’m on my merriment shit. But when the tidings are ill, that’s when woe betides me

GUY STARTING A FIGHT: I can't wait to sucker punch you. ME: I hope you choose suck.

I regret to inform you.

Pleased to announce that I have been appointed the US ambassador to The Great Caverns Beneath The Earth, The Yawning Void That No Sun Has Touched. I’m excited to discuss trade policy with The One Who Hunts In Silence

In a stroke of luck, I discovered an iron deposit in my backyard giving my son a +1 Productivity bonus

I’ve always wanted to leave something in someone’s capable hands

Hey check this out

FBI copyright warning at the beginning of an ISIS beheading video

What social media algorithms recommend Twitter: Nazi who thinks immigrants are why he can’t get a girlfriend Bluesky: drunk Democrat scold Facebook: AI slop from an account named Modi for Ohio Instagram: Dua Lipa’s ass

I hear the door open. My father, a decade absent from our family, walks back into our home. “Wow, the queue was horrendous. Got the milk though!” Trembling, I reply: “I thought you went out for cigarettes?” The smile fades from his face. “Shit! Hang on, I’ll be right back”

I’m part of a cultural exchange program with a Malaysian binturong. I’m climbing in trees feeding on a diet of insects and fruit. Meanwhile, it is typing out emails

Chocolate Chip Cookies Approx time: 30 minutes I pen these words in the hope that they somehow find their way back to the civilised world. If, dear reader, you found this diary still in the place about which I write, flee now while you can. I first learned of the Yalwan Tomb from my colleague Sir C

The worst YouTube videos are named like “God, Marx, and Learning Acceptance: The Story of Super Mario 64” and the best ones are all called like “Horse Music”

Doing a new bit where I say “when I was younger” to describe something that happened like a week ago, annoying everyone with no tangible benefit