It’s dark, and snowing heavily. I just saw a Saab 9-3 convertible being driven through the city streets by a middle aged woman in a thick fur coat and sunglasses. With the roof fully open. Her face set in a hard grimace against the weather. She looked so serious. It was surreal. But very funny.

I’m sure the climate is changing. You can tell because it’s only 1 January and we’ve already had the warmest day of the year so far.

We are taking this road. I’m not sure it’s wise.

🐧🧊 Incredible underwater footage of penguin life, shot from the first person of one of them. 🇺🇦 This beauty was captured thanks to Ukrainian scientists from the Vernadsky Station in Antarctica, who put a GPS tracker and a tiny camera on the bird.

The Welsh coast at midday in December. Colour photography no longer works.

Well I had a lovely Christmas lunch, but my family have asked me to stop singing the Hallelujah Chorus with the works “Pigs in Blankets! Pigs in Blankets!” at every opportunity.

Happy Christmas everyone!

Second anniversary of our Apple TV’s spectacular attempt to understand me asking for “Hercule Poirot’s Christmas”

Hi Microsoft, you are a real pain in the arse. I had a laptop that worked really well and now you’ve forced me to download all sorts of Copilot shit and now it’s really clunky and uses lots of processing power to offer me stuff I don’t want at every opportunity. Thanks for nothing.

We're one week out and we're delighted to share this newly-discovered O Antiphon, specially for Christmas Day itself! #CursedCarol

There’s a chap sitting near me on the train, who has suddenly started making loud, high-pitched “Sheee” noises at random intervals. It has reached the stage where I and others sitting nearby are starting to make eye contact with each other. As any Brit will tell you, that’s serious.

Absolutely nobody asked for this BUT English Anglican cathedrals that have burned down, fallen over, and sank into the swamp: a thread.

An engineer is coming to inspect a sewerage problem tomorrow. I told Mrs P he was called “Rudolph Thered” and then added “because he knows drains, dear”. I am now in trouble.

@quiresandplaces.com can I have a #Harkageddon ruling please? I accidentally heard the Leroy Anderson “Christmas Festival” on Raido 3 earlier and the tune of HtH was in there. Am I out?

🎶 Ichor mummy-leaking, Santa Claus.🎶

Ask your mall Santa to explain the difference between ὁμοούσιος and ὁμοιούσιος. If he can’t, he’s not the real St. Nicholas.

#YorkshireInSongsOrFilms Goole Runnings Beverley Hills Cop

#YorkshireInSongsOrFilms Truly, Madly, Keighley Look Ouse talking No country for A1M

APPEAL TO THE PEOPLE OF COVENTRY…. On NOTW this week, with @merrynwalters.uk and I, we read an article about a character that lived in Coventry during the war. we can’t find anything also about him… anyone from the Cov area know anything? It would be great to find out. linktr.ee/NewsOfTheWar

It’s miss almost-17’s birthday party tonight. Aaargh! I’m a middle aged introvert - get me out of here!

Such a beautiful place.

As it’s the season of children’s Christmas songs, I regret to inform you that Something Very Bad has happened “on the dusty road”… (Picture from a recent trip to China)

The background Muzak at Beijing Daxing airport is a mashup of Hymns Ancient and Modern arranged for session musicians. “Abide with me” for Liberace style piano “As with Gladness” for sax and bass “Thou whose almighty word” (tune: Moscow) in a particularly slushy arrangement for flute and harp.

Evening sky

Enjoy the Sunday caption contest. Give away ❤️s, retweet to encourage more competitors (pretty please) & include #GirlsOwnCC

"What do we want?!" "More foreign language classes in schools!" "When do we want it?!" "Pamplemousse!"

"The cat scratched my groin when he saw that woman from Strictly" "Claudia Winkleman?" "No, man, but it was close"

Agave goes to the Theban self service supermarket checkout on her way to worship Dionysus. Grapes - ping Thyrsus -ping Wineskin - verify over 18 years - ping Pentheus’s head on a stick - UNEXPECTED ITEM IN BACCHANALIA

You know how airlines use a video presentation to do the safety briefing? I just got off a flight where the screen at my seat wasn’t working. So in order to fulfil the legal requirements, the steward had to stand next to me and give me a personal safety tutorial. It was a very odd experience.

Minority representation on TV causes outrage From the new Private Eye, in shops now.

The reform party nativity scene. No unmarried mothers. No Middle Eastern people. No refugees. No people seeking emergency accommodation. And not a wise fvcking man in sight…

It is a little known fact that tonight's clock re-adjustment was pioneered by German-British artist Frank Auerbach, to the great dismay of the proponent of the original change, politician Konrad Adenauer

I found where I can buy the kit I need to become a gladiator.

Enjoying Berlin… but have just been evacuated from the hotel due to a fire alarm…

Then fix it.

If there are two of you, and you have six large suitcases, you probably shouldn’t be trying to take the rush hour train.

My friend Sascha is a professional musician and he's lost a viola bow on the way to Heathrow. Please signal boost to help him get it back.

You were as amusing as ever in last Sunday’s caption contest. 🥇 @spacexecadet.bsky.social 🥈 @ancientnmodern.bsky.social 🥉 @erburyoldboy.bsky.social 4th @herodotuspenguin.bsky.social and highly commended to @wolfyohare.bsky.social with even more to amuse you at #GirlsOwnCC

@quiresandplaces.com What is the answer to this if it’s Can and Dec trapped in a burning building?

MALCOLM IS THE WEAKEST SCOTTISH REBEL EVER AND HIS PUNY FORCES WILL BE ARRESTED AND DEPORTED BEFORE THEY REACH DUNSINANE!!! THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER.

Work edict: for security reasons when travelling on business, and working on trains or planes, try not to let people see your personal details and who you work for. Microsoft: here’s a new start up process that puts your full name, company name, and login credentials on screen for a full minute.

To lose one government, M. Macron…

A Snail of Two Cities For Whom the Shell Tolls The Adventures of Shell-lock Holmes The Scarlet Pimpershell Frankenslime The Slime of the Ancient Mariner You can fill in the rest...

I just unloaded Mr19’s stuff on his return to uni. He celebrated the occasion by locking himself out of his room after bringing in only one bag.

The trains home from Euston are completely screwed up tonight due to “emergency services attending an incident at Watford”. So I’ve joined the queue of despondent commuters checking into the surrounding hotels.

I have ten of these PHYSICS FOR CATS pins to give away! Share the post below👇 for a chance to win one. (UK only: you can share from anywhere but I can't send you a pin).

My new book of science cartoons, PHYSICS FOR CATS is out in a week! Order a copy today from you local bookshop or at one of the links here: www.tomgauld.com/comic-books-v2