[at the blood bank] "oh no, I just labeled all these blood bags incorrectly." "so they aren't type As?" "no they're all typos."

I have developed sciatica and I now walk like an old person. This is vexing and distressing. I was going to say “like someone twice my age” but I realised that “like someone 1.5 times my age” was more apt, because people twice my age generally don’t walk.

Hey @microsoft.com my laptop’s default landing page on Edge - I assume curated by you - is a series of clickbait ads for the Telegraph and the Daily Express. Which I assure you isn’t a response to my reading habits. Do you realise this makes you look like fascists?

I just walked past the genetics research institute between Euston and Kings Cross. A couple were clearly visible doing what looked like a prelude to their own “genetic research”. I guess you could say they had a neck in the Crick.

Using faux-archaic English for comic effect is fine, but it really irritates me when they get the grammar wrong. “Thou” is nominative and “thee” is accusative, so “Thee haven’t changed” is wrong. Otherwise, dear card designer, I would have bought your card. Verily, ‘tis not rocket science.

Innuendo

The worst thing about being arrested on your birthday is it rules out the possibility of getting a cake with a file in it for another 364 days.

Wednesday

tern left and bear right

People are claiming Pancake Day wasn’t originally a pagan festival, when you only have to look at the name to know it was once a day when cakes were offered to Pan

The wonderful thing about Tyggers Is Tyggers are burning bright Their tops are made out of rubber In the forest of the night What bouncy, trouncy, flouncy, pouncy, Immortal hand or eye Did frame the most wonderful thing about Tyggers, Their fearful symmetry!

In case anyone wants to buy a pair of exhibitionist rabbits, these two were entertaining the crowds at my local branch of Pets At Home.

This is turning into a fun train journey. Apparently a bag with valuable contents has gone missing since we left London. And so unless it is “found” very soon (on a no-questions-asked basis), the train will stop while the police review the security camera footage…

#infectionsongs I got you under my skin…

Morning Bluesky.

After this swam into my brain last night (unbidden, if you will, but clearly there are neural pathways that divert here at the slightest nudge), it occurred to me that a few people may not have experienced it. Put that hot drink down. Now. Yes before you start reading.

Thank you @financialtimes.com for the coverage of the Mandelson affair. I particularly liked the picture of him in a hotel room with a girl. From the waist down he’s wearing nothing but a pair of budget-smugglers.

Uk phone numbers are f-d up. They have 10 digits, so that’s 1 billion numbers. Approximately 14 for each person. So even with separate home and work numbers etc there are plenty. So how come when I got a new phone, the new number recently belonged to Dave who is being pursued by debt collectors?

Yf Christopher Nolan were trulye serious about makinge a filme of *The Odyssey* he wolde chaunge the L yn hys last name to M

What guiding light or principle do spies follow? And what do they do when it’s not there?

A special contribution to #shitbirdphotos

For sale. Penguin feet. Never worn.

Yesterday it was cows using tools, today its penguins using satellite imagery.

It’s Penguin Awareness Day which seems like a great excuse to post the greatest ever Wikipedia edit.

Reminder of the spectacularly poor judgement of these people

Seems unfair that you only get to use the bouncy slide to get off a plane when things have gone wrong. The bouncy slide should be a treat they give to the best passengers who did the flight correctly.

The Cathedral Music Trust has launched a campaign to safeguard English Sacred Choral Music as a @unesco.org Intangible Cultural Heritage. Read my full article below. 👇 quiresandplaces.com/blogs/from-q... Add your name to the call-to-action here. 👇 www.cathedralmusictrust.org.uk/unesco-livin...

I once dated an archaeologist. Circa 220BC

It’s dark, and snowing heavily. I just saw a Saab 9-3 convertible being driven through the city streets by a middle aged woman in a thick fur coat and sunglasses. With the roof fully open. Her face set in a hard grimace against the weather. She looked so serious. It was surreal. But very funny.

I’m sure the climate is changing. You can tell because it’s only 1 January and we’ve already had the warmest day of the year so far.

We are taking this road. I’m not sure it’s wise.

🐧🧊 Incredible underwater footage of penguin life, shot from the first person of one of them. 🇺🇦 This beauty was captured thanks to Ukrainian scientists from the Vernadsky Station in Antarctica, who put a GPS tracker and a tiny camera on the bird.

The Welsh coast at midday in December. Colour photography no longer works.

Well I had a lovely Christmas lunch, but my family have asked me to stop singing the Hallelujah Chorus with the works “Pigs in Blankets! Pigs in Blankets!” at every opportunity.

Happy Christmas everyone!

Second anniversary of our Apple TV’s spectacular attempt to understand me asking for “Hercule Poirot’s Christmas”

Hi Microsoft, you are a real pain in the arse. I had a laptop that worked really well and now you’ve forced me to download all sorts of Copilot shit and now it’s really clunky and uses lots of processing power to offer me stuff I don’t want at every opportunity. Thanks for nothing.

We're one week out and we're delighted to share this newly-discovered O Antiphon, specially for Christmas Day itself! #CursedCarol

There’s a chap sitting near me on the train, who has suddenly started making loud, high-pitched “Sheee” noises at random intervals. It has reached the stage where I and others sitting nearby are starting to make eye contact with each other. As any Brit will tell you, that’s serious.

Absolutely nobody asked for this BUT English Anglican cathedrals that have burned down, fallen over, and sank into the swamp: a thread.

An engineer is coming to inspect a sewerage problem tomorrow. I told Mrs P he was called “Rudolph Thered” and then added “because he knows drains, dear”. I am now in trouble.

@quiresandplaces.com can I have a #Harkageddon ruling please? I accidentally heard the Leroy Anderson “Christmas Festival” on Raido 3 earlier and the tune of HtH was in there. Am I out?

🎶 Ichor mummy-leaking, Santa Claus.🎶

Ask your mall Santa to explain the difference between ὁμοούσιος and ὁμοιούσιος. If he can’t, he’s not the real St. Nicholas.

#YorkshireInSongsOrFilms Goole Runnings Beverley Hills Cop

#YorkshireInSongsOrFilms Truly, Madly, Keighley Look Ouse talking No country for A1M

APPEAL TO THE PEOPLE OF COVENTRY…. On NOTW this week, with @merrynwalters.uk and I, we read an article about a character that lived in Coventry during the war. we can’t find anything also about him… anyone from the Cov area know anything? It would be great to find out. linktr.ee/NewsOfTheWar

It’s miss almost-17’s birthday party tonight. Aaargh! I’m a middle aged introvert - get me out of here!