Every new Taylor Swift song sounds like Adam West Batman trying to figure out The Riddler’s clues.

Mishima: A Life in Four Chapters is finally going to screen at the Tokyo Film Festival so I’m here is the greatest film review I have ever seen on TV from @annebillson.bsky.social youtu.be/JlExK0k3j-c?...

Hey my username is relevant again.

The kind of loser upset at Bad Bunny playing at the Super Bowl

So 8 years ago, @cruzflores.bsky.social and i made a webseries called They Live Together, a comedy about a couple navigating marriage in a world full of vampires, zombies, and other cryptic creatures. No one paid any attention to it. Here it is if you would like to watch! youtu.be/GjVk_cMqojQ?...

The puppeteer's union has rejected my slogan "We Need More Hand Jobs!"

My brand

My face every time Krypto bites something

I love L.A.

welcome to The Resistance, *checks notes* *sighs* *weeps gently* ...michael eisner

Amazing. American comedy needs to get on this level. youtu.be/7vRX-BQAjeE?...

What are they even groyping?

Okay but my only question here is if “the hung an innocent man” why did that make the lights go out?

"I think it's worth to have a cost of, unfortunately, some gun deaths every single year so that we can have the Second Amendment to protect our other God-given rights" - Charlie Kirk, 2023

Mentally, I am here

At the gym. Is there an exercise where you frottage the back roller? If so this guy is great at it.

Threads finally answers the question, “What if we made social media with absolutely zero content and all engagement bait?”

Fox News just started playing this on a loop

how do i explain to my kids two women being married?? how explain sun go away at night but come back next day? how explain magic rectangle show people talk??? HOW

When your trashy ass neighbors finally move out

Didn’t anticipate that Rivers would become the least problematic Coumo

Yelling at the neighbors setting off fireworks to stop getting my hopes up

You can put me in horny jail but my mind is horny free

I was just telling my girlfriend the other day that the old world is dying. And, my stars, the new world is struggling to be born. And now is the time when you meet such INNNNteresting monsters.

Go woke Get Stroked

Texas is California’s Australia

I got this for maybe my eighth birthday. I actually enjoyed it but it also scared me. I still wish someone would make a 3D version.

this is where I post from

“Your pants, you will not need them.” -Yoda in a porno.

Robots used to be like "beep boop" and now robots are like "through my love you've discovered the secret name of God and if you kill yourself we can be together forever."

*Preparing to piss off an army of nerds* “Regular Show was better than Spaced”

Didn’t expect the reason why no other country could make Female Prisoner Scorpion is because only Japan’s flag looks like a period.

Started reading ‘Salem’s Lot and Stephen King is the first person besides myself to realize how close Dracula is to Lord of the Rings. Everyone else sees Dracula as sexy meanwhile I see Sauron and I consciously made Mina like Frodo when I wrote my own version as a radio play.

Every day I am forced to deal with the fact that people have opinions online

Titanic: For Dudes Edition, now featuring two more boob scenes and three more guys falling into the propeller. 📽️

The existence of Internet makes me wonder how much of the Great Library of Alexandria was really stupid shit that made people dumber from reading it.

Drop the boy off for his first day of school. Body: Okay, time to shut down now. Me: No, body! You are for more than just taking care of the boy. Body: *laughs*(starts shutting down)

I don’t know who needs to hear this and that’s why I don’t give advice

think chris and andrew cuomo might be the canonical blowjob brothers

I don’t know why I still go back to Threads when every interaction is just this all the time

We need a Right Said Fred of the Left

they don't want pussy. they want to endlessly critique pussy

Ben Shapiro furiously writing the most garbage script imaginable about a white superhero whose power comes from her enormous honkers

Stop the discourse, I want to get off

A thedad cleans your grill, while themom yells at you to pick up your shoes.

She’s just copying when Madonna declared she was a monchhchi back in the 80’s