Just been reading the large and complex number of variations of today’s results for European football qualification and it’s exhausting. Not quite as complex, but equally exhausting for Spurs and West Ham fans facing relegation..

Sat out in the garden in my pants after an early dog walk, for the short time that it’s cooler than inside the house. Lovely fresh start to the day.

31 degrees is not the weather to entice me into your PVC wardrobe, fallen lady..

Is this still available?

Southside represent ✊🏽✊🏾✊🏿

The Dog just woke us both up with a Trump so musically perfect I instantly thought of Miles Davis. The air now though is sadly also A Kind Of Blue.

While we’re talking baselines, this girl sure can play, very talented. Sold my fretless bass to pay for my wedding suit. The wife and the suit are both gone now, and my only regret is selling that bass.. youtube.com/shorts/wdBiF...

This, the best version, when Mike Joyce comes crashing in and, oh.. that Andy Rourke bass line 💕 youtube.com/watch?v=7Hx7...

Looking forward to lots more of this on Sunday evening 🤭

Absolute Queen 🫡

Wash cycle just finished, the machine still beeping at me as I notice the little plastic cup - still full of liquid, sat on the kitchen worktop. That’s the pre-wash done then 🙄

I’m not a football manager, so I’ll just wish Thomas Tuchel well with his selection and hope that all of our players in each of their country’s respective squads come back without injury or fatigue. Perhaps some anti-Trump social media posts, a quick deportation and the summer off, eh lads?

Blackbird nest in one hedge, Robins too at the end of the garden and a Housemartin nest in the eaves for the seventh year running, the serenading is a blissful soundtrack to a gorgeous summer day

Having had a slight white crease from previous moments in the second n, I’m laid here in the garden pushing my belly out to even things up again. The trials of a slight Dadbod.

It's really important not to forget about old people during this upcoming period of extreme hot weather. Because they've always got a supply of ice pops in the freezer.

A great night for Emery

Prince William and Kate celebrating Aston Villa’s Europa League triumph.

*welling up, watching a bee* she doesn't know it's her international day

Satan’s ballbag

May go back to bed, really need a nanna nap.

Reform UK's vetting process:

“Think back to your childhood. Do you remember when the anxiety started?”

Me getting out of bed and celebrating still..

Oohhh, ma heid..

Such a genuinely lovely, humble man and a top coach. I wish only the very best for him wherever he goes next.

🤣 😍

Just one more thing.. Spurs; banter, yes, hater, no. I really don’t want to see Spurs go down. If you’re a real football fan, then you want to see your club play against & be tested by the best teams in your league, everywhere. They could be much better under De Zerbi, and we all love the derbies.

LET IT ALL WORK OUT. ❤️

Tears. Just had a moment and sat here in tears now, the relief.. all these years. Chose this club when I was 5, long before Mikel was born, been a massive rollercoaster and now this. Outstanding ♥️

I'm gonna do a Joey tomorrow and wear all my Arsenal kits at once

c h o r t l e

It’s GuardiaOVER!

Thank you, brother! Thank you..

Just messaged my boss to tell him I’ve cracked a beer, first of many, and I won’t be in tomorrow..

K R O U P I ⚽️ What a finish!

Iraola’s last home game, on the cusp of Champions League quali and, oh yeah.. that other thing. Good luck Andoni 🤞

Oh, man.

Enzo Maresca prefers Blur..

Today’s Barney Ronay offering; the wheel of cheese, the jinking.. 👌 🤣 www.theguardian.com/football/202...

Clean sheet number 32. Over to you Andoni..

Fuuuuuckkk me! I need a drink. That second half was pure pain. I’m absolutely shredded 😬

K A I I I I ! ⚽️

👊

I love Barney Ronay’s writing, and this doesn’t disappoint; smart analogies and sharp observations. I lol’d hard at his vision of Arteta’s ‘frenetic touchline appearances in black zippy coat and sober grey slacks, like a travelling hitman on a fishing trip.’ www.theguardian.com/football/202...

Toblerone have started making puddings, and I don’t think I’m ever going to financially recover from this

8.30’s not too early to go to bed on a Saturday night, is it? #ThugLife

Just washed down a very nice Lamb Bhuna with an ice cold ginger beer, thanks for asking..