If this kicks off that lad being able to cut his hair, this will be even funnier

Fuck 'em up Jade! #TheTraitors

Matthew acting like the guy at work who goes above and beyond at the hope they get that promotion that ends up going to the manager's cousin #TheTraitors

Rachel is diabolical for letting Stephen put himself in the range like this #TheTraitors

Nooooooooo! I mean obviously but also no. #TheTraitors

The 2016 revisionism is something else. It was the year that kick-started this hellscape timeline! The only good thing out of that year was the cheekbones born of my functional depression.

YES THIS INCLUDES THE CROSSWORD APP

Jade's only crime is having a face card that never declines and impeccable knitwear #TheTraitors

"Mum I've got a job in #TheTraitors!" "Wow I'll look out for it!" The job:

Who is Jack?! Where has he come from?? #TheTraitors

The cabin will never see a better moment than this tbh #TheTraitors

Catching up on last night's #TheTraitors and what happened out of the edit to make Fiona and Harriet go so viciously for Rachel because yeah, she's coming across as quite unlikeable but it feels like something more?

Actually going to add "UNDEFEATED against Ticketmaster" on my CV because this has to be some kind of transferable skill.

Instagram has just served me a post from a ballroom dancer announcing the end of a partnership due to "unfortunate height difference" and apparently it's serious and not a joke!? I don't know what I clicked that would make them think I would be interested unless it *was* a joke

Went to see Hamnet. Give it all the awards even though it left me with a huge damp patch on my jumper because I couldn't stop crying.

Wild. Incredible. Stunning. #TheTraitors

AHAHAHAHAHA! Incroyable #TheTraitors

Harriet is the only one who deserves to win #TheTraitors

"Look at Jade, just look at her!" *Jade, serving face* #TheTraitors #Traitors

I don't want any of the Traitors to win which I think is a first #TheTraitors

I AM SAT #TheTraitors

I was today years old when I found out Jarvis was one of the writers for this song #TOTP

I could have been in a coma and the only thing I remember on waking would be the Tragedy dance #TOTP

Stunning. #TheTraitors

This is very funny #TheTraitors

I really hope Rachel spilling this sets her up but unfortunately I fear they're too stupid #TheTraitors

I only want Jessie and Harriet to win I think #TheTraitors

Poor Reece. He's taken this too much to heart #TheTraitors

“I’m very adept at covert policing, which is why I pounced on Reece for saying something he didn’t actually say and picked one of the three remaining Traitors to confide in” #TheTraitors

Why does Amanda hate Jade so much?! #TheTraitors

Still like to think that this is how they come up with the tasks #TheTraitors

She best be better at avenging than Son Ross was at avenging Diane #TheTraitors

I need her to win all of it now. What a delicious diva #TheTraitor

Nailed it mate 💅🏻 #TheTraitors

This is delicious. #TheTraitors

I still can't shake that Fiona is the secret traitor #TheTraitors

FBI training. Incredible. [Insert joke here about Rachel being more qualified than Kash Patel] #TheTraitors

Hugo needs to be banished for the way he holds his fork #TheTraitors

Stemless wine glasses are chic because they are the best glass for lunch wine. I will not explain further.

Mum reveal will never top Diane and Ross, sorry #TheTraitors

So Sam is like every account manager ever I see 😒 #TheTraitors

Fiona's an instant favourite (until she inevitably annoys me) #TheTraitors

Delighted that 2026 started in traditional fashion with one of my best friends falling asleep on my sofa as soon as the fireworks had done. May the rest of the year bring moments where you too can feel as comfortable.

Tomorrow marks 10 years since the greatest piece of art of our generation

Got the house to myself, leftover trifle, and a nonsense Big Gerry B film on so this is an all round ideal situation.

Anyway, survived hosting the very important family Boxing Day. Please let's not mention the state of my kitchen and my continued abject despair at not having a dishwasher.

Family are round for Boxing Day. We're playing Articulate and the subject is People... "Diver. Gold medallist. Knits. Gay" "Daley Thompson!!" "..." Incredible

Watching EastEnders for the first time in YEARS and it's so oddly yet comfortingly familiar

If you're in that odd space between present opening and scoffing a massive dinner, take a look through one of the best Christmas traditions of seeing where some people slept last night (there's some classics of the genre in there) and chuck a few quid in for charity as well if you're able to.