It is always a man who will come and stand right in front of you at a gig so you can't see anything. Hateful.

My #MetGala hot takes: 1. People need to know Daniel Roseberry is that bitch DESPITE how cheap Lauren Sanchez makes everything look 2. The Kardashian-Jenner's cultural cachet is clearly at the lowest point in years. Good. 3. Madonna understood the assignment 4. Everyone else? Meh. YEAH EVEN BEYONCÉ

Ah shit, *adds to the ADHD assessment file* I've worn glasses since I was 5 and ALWAYS treated it like a test you have to pass. Which is silly! The only right answer is the one that helps you see better! But it doesn't feel like that!

Imagine my DELIGHT that I've been SUMMONED to a meeting with my child's school because her "current attendance is 99.28% which is a concern". A CONCERN. You best believe I will be attending that meeting. Please pray for these people because they do not know what they have unleashed.

There's no time to rest--as soon as one round of feeding is finished, the parent heads right back out to get more.

Moses supposes his toeses are roses, But Moses supposes erroneously, Moses he knowses his toeses aren't roses, As Moses supposes his toeses to be!

POPE LEO XIV: I will not enter into debate. The things that I say are certainly not meant as attacks on anyone. The message of the Gospel is very clear: ‘Blessed are the peacemakers.’ DARREN, POPE LEO’S FRIEND: fuck him up leo

The cultural divide between TikTok and Insta Reel is still so interesting to me and tells me so much about a person depending on what comment section they find funny

Honestly think the biggest post holiday comedown is having to go to your regular supermarket. Just wildly disappointing on all levels.

Justice for JC Chasez! Also totally adding this to my "Justin Timberlake is the WORST" file that I have to pull out every time a Young Person mentions him because if that man has no haters, it is because I am dead.

Need to fit in at least two more glasses of wine before I leave Paris in a bit.

Take my money Lego. Take my money.

Celebrating Easter the way Jesus would've wanted with a drive out to a country pub

Italy will never get to another World Cup until they increase their overall hotness. I don't make the rules but ugly Italy teams are no good.

The queue for the Celine Dion pre-sale registration is ridiculous. The actual ticket sale is going to be the Final Boss level of the Ticketmaster wars. If I win, I'm pinning it to the top of my CV and LinkedIn profile as my greatest achievement.

And if your child is female or you're pretty sure gay, Jilly Cooper is the one to leave temptingly on the bookshelves

You're welcome

The counterpoint to yesterday's hungover write-off of a day is cooking a full roast dinner today AND putting (some not all because I recognise my limits) laundry away.

Have been the kind of hungover today that can only be cured by various citrus products. Shout out to lemon ice lollies and extremely cold clementine juice.

The way the extremely-bad-by-normal-standards seasonal depression has been evaporated by listening to Renaissance in the sun is nothing short of miraculous

Thierry and Rob Edwards is too much for a Monday night

The greatest mother's day gift so far is my sports sons being brilliant this weekend.

I have a solution that will please both sides

@ewacat.bsky.social My Instagram algo was doing the most just now.

It feels entirely appropriate to this timeline that I get my breaking news from PopCrave and PopBase before any other news outlets

Not entirely sure what they mean by 30th anniversary when it was only 10 years ago... Right? Right?!?

Despite the sun, I have had an emotionally fraught day and this has tipped me over the edge

It is SO ridiculous and obscene just how much of an effect the weather so far this year has had on my mood. A couple of days of sunshine and I feel reborn.

Yeah but what a bunch of cheats #curling

I refuse to believe ski mountaineering is anything but the result of après japes that went too far.

Having quite the argument with my child about what time people eat dinner. We normally eat around 7.30-8pm which she seems to think is abnormally late and everyone else eats 6-6.30pm. So, assuming you work full time and have to actually cook the damn thing, when do you eat dinner?

I feel like curling shoes don't need to be as ugly as they are?

Deeply unsatisfying to be at an airport but not actually going anywhere

Ben calling João a fucking wanker? Yes, hook this season into my veins #BDDU

It has apparently become nearly impossible to buy a washing machine that doesn't need an app to make it work properly and I'm just so very tired of it all. No one asked for an app for a fucking washing machine, NO ONE. I need tech bros to just stop and leave us all alone.

Extremely tedious post but I am in need of a new fitness tracker. Any recommendations for something not too huge but that will track a decent range of exercises (not running though I never run and never will)?

Made a semi-conscious decision to fill January with as many fun things as possible and it's been great! Who knew spending time with good people and doing nice things could make you feel better?!

❤️

On almost everything – fraud, polarisation, radicalisation, misinformation – evidence suggests that over 60s are in much more urgent need of online protection and education than teenagers. But that issue gets zero political attention, and is a total non-starter. Nothing good will come of it.

It is important to know that despite its prominence TikTok loses billions of dollars and tweaking algorithms lays havoc to your ad sales. Oracle is gonna destroy this thing and it’s going to combine with the data center debt and consume it whole www.theinformation.com/articles/tik...

*gets final score notification* I regret saying this

Sometimes I hate the internet and wish it had never been invented and then I see things like this and it's like looking at God

one of the best things ever

I LOVE YOU, YOU LABRADOR THAT GOT CURSED WITH THE WEIGHT OF HUMAN CONSCIOUSNESS. #TheTraitors #TraitorsUK #Traitors

Incredible. Stunning. Not sure if I'd have stuck to my word to share but still, what excellent gameplay #TheTraitors

Welp. There we go. WE WERE ROOTING FOR YOU!

Jade! Your face card will never decline! A gorgeous queen #TheTraitors

Sometimes I hate the internet and wish it had never been invented and then I see things like this and it's like looking at God

Rachel is some kind of witch (complimentary) #TheTraitors