in addition to serving as "motion dazzle" to elude predators, biologists conjecture that the stripes often found on the referee's pelt may serve in mate selection, with american footballs preferring more ornately striped specimens to the quotidian patterning found on, say, european football referees

a tiny texan cowboy tried lassoing a cheetah. the cheetah ran away. the texan followed, squeaking angrily & brandishing his lasso.

the referees mate with the footballs after an nfl game is finished

excavating tunnels

my handlers just added a pile of hay to my enclosure. both comfortable and stylish

Insurance for Men

‘Lying in bed’? Heh. Buddy, I bet that’s not the only place you’re lying ,

just fucking do it nothing even matters anymore everything is pain and suffering you may as well just start one more skyrim playthrough you sad sack of shit

ur telling me this cruise is a carnival ?

"Data, but hes wearing the color red" *me aggressively rocking back and forth*

You ever see a man try to eat ribs? His whole body convulses with the effort. His muscles strain, the veins bulge in his forehead. Sweat pours down his brow. He grunts, moans. Can he choke down one morsel of flesh? No, he coughs it out. Men & ribs don’t mix. Men are weak. Too weak for such pleasures

fella got his wiener bitten off by the dang Loch Ness monster

chimp fried rice

Dracula edm lasagna threesome motorcycle

Average suitor in Downton Abbey be like

What’s your favorite kind of broccoli? Mine is meat

Chopping open a pear to find the treasure inside

New Cleveland just dropped

me when i hear someone open a can of tuna

Asking Spock if he prefers snails or oysters

In the 90s everyone was afraid that killer bees would sting their pecker

What if Odin had to give up a testicle instead of an eye? Would he still do the tree of wisdom thing? Idk

Mowing the lawn with an M41A pulse rifle. 10mm caseless light armor piercing explosive tipped rounds. Gophers

Douglas Smith, 2008

Goofy thots in film have ruined us.

The inside of my mind is like a caged gorilla yearning to be in a pristine rainforest

crazy hyper muscular 90s comic book baseball player just smashing Star Wars storm troopers in the nuts with a baseball bat

Muscular ET

Some of the most extraordinary sexual encounters of our time have occurred in CapitalOne Cafes

woke 2 is not enough. gonna need woke 9,000

diet pepsi will do that to you

Bummer that in the original Doom the Doom Guy can’t eat food. Eating was one of my favorite features of Wolfenstein 3D

So true

Do monkeys call monkey pussy monkussy? The answer may surprise you

Cracking open a cold one (frozen mummy)

FYI, Burnt Offerings by Robert Marasco is a dogshit haunted house novel written in 1973. Influenced The Shining. Almost nothing happens. Evil house drains occupants life force to rejuvenate itself. Also always co-opts at least one weird selfish person who then takes on a mother role.

🇧🇷Pardal 🌎Passer domesticus Conservação: Pouco Preocupante O pardal (Passer domesticus) tem sua origem no Oriente Médio, entretanto este pássaro começou a se dispersar pela Europa e Ásia, chegando na América por volta de 1850 📷 Leonardo Casadei

fek'lhr will return in avengers: doomsday

Big shiny rock

I can see the sound waves produced by a fly’s erection

Gamorrean big naturals

Q: Gophers A: Inside out Q: Have you ever been in an institution? Gophers A: Inside out Q: Did they keep you up, like a gopher? Gopher A: Inside out

Spotify is Mycenaean for “insane in the membrane”

Wondering if in the Alien universe, did Sam’s Club inherit Weyland Yutani’s bioweapons division after Walmart bought them. Did this have any impact on their rotisserie chicken?

I method act every day of my life. Except new years and the 4th of July

Method acting but for a commercial

Mowing the lawn with an M41A pulse rifle. 10mm caseless light armor piercing explosive tipped rounds. Gophers

What if Odin had to give up a testicle instead of an eye? Would he still do the tree of wisdom thing? Idk

Armenia invented dubstep