who up washing they hog

we mobilized the whole country for ww2 there's no reason we can't do the same for stew for a rich, savory, glossy stew

I am seeking 375 billion dollars in funding for the stew

they already *made* a universal language but very few people wanted to do it (ili jam *kreis* universalan lingvon sed tre malmultaj homoj volis fari ĝin)

if the future were *really* here i'd be able to materialize a sandwich right in my hand, right at this moment but, as always, "tech" has failed us

my mandatory faculty meeting at 7:20 was for a lady to advertise a local credit union

i'd submit (respectfully) that JITB has the superior curly fry, vis-a-vis arby's, due to the fact that, arby's uses some kind of fish oil to cook their fries in or at least that's what it tastes like, to me and anyway the point is, that stuff will kill you all of it

btw you don't need a *factory* to make a cheesecake

there's someone out there who hasn't turned off their phone in three and half years there *must* be

an intelligent species that evolved without the intense desire to know the future is that even possible tho is that even *plausible* tho

you can join a cult for a year or two it actually looks *good* on a cv, these days

with this curly fry, i thee, do wed

yes i'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy

why so slim, jim ?

The Semolina Protocol

they oughta give you a new, crisp twenty every time you show up to work they give it to you at the *door* and *smile*

"pee-shivers on the great plains: a retrospective"

if eating cheese once a week lowers alzheimer's risk by 25% then i've done very well for myself, health wise

a monkey will smile at you sweetly and then bite off a chunk of ur nose they don't *play* by our rules and i *respect* that and i *celebrate* that and i *don't* approach monkeys

damn that really is a dessert and a coffee drink

once again i must reiterate that all my mufos are attractive both physically, psychically, emotionally, and are above average according to every single conceivable metric

He’s thinking about onion dip again.

if 7-11 wants to pay me millions of dollars to become a shill i'm ready there is *zero* shame here

Like grains of sand in a desert (which are also soups) or stars in the sky (also soups), there is always more soup

my phone, it is returning, to me, as we speak i can return, to what *was*

if you show me something beautiful it's not like i'm gonna ignore it i'm *human*

I strenuously object and I am moving to strike !!! 💥

ur telling me this corrie boomed *ten* times ? (ultra-esoteric)

just went thru the shameful ordeal of eating corn on the cob ama

yes it's true in some parts of arizona you can fry an egg on a hot car that doesn't make me love it any less i may have to come to terms with the fact that i'm a lizard, internally

how am i sitting on top of the anadarko basin and yet i have an electric stove the world is perverse on purpose

every single day i wake up and look in the mirror and this is exactly what looks back, at me

sorry but my home stove doesn't go to seven billion degrees so i can't get that authentic smokiness into stir-fry it's more like stir-sautee and that's what life is, in this modern world also good luck trying to make a real jjigae

marijuana will give you, will bless you, with deep coughs big, soul-clearing coughs coughs that scare the spiders

yeah, i have a "little red book," too but i ain't telling *you* what's in it (recipe for chipped beef on toast)

lost my phone in an uber so this is laptop posting feels weird is this a new me ?

i have to trade in non sequiturs because to be "serious" means unending howling, screaming, etc. wordsworth said it best: The world is too much with us; late and soon, Getting and spending we lay waste our powers; Little we see in Nature that is ours; We have given our hearts away, a sordid boon!

not having a universal way to charge devices is a crime against humanity sorry to have it put it this way but there it is i refuse to be silent

eating peanuts before bed attracts elephants

nothing improves my life like a number that relates to some abstract concept w/ little to no bearing on my day-to-day life and that's the economy, baby 😎

the safe and comfortable way to shower

too late to do that *one thing* 'cause i gotta sleep (make pasta)

i am a big fan of anything that can be slathered

visine is more expensive than gold by weight it's mostly salt water

national strategic reserve of high quality, non-comedogenic facial bronzer

"it's overkill to protect your local 7-11 w/ the USS gerald ford, the largest aircraft carrier" -false propaganda

i just solved 17 wars they were ant wars none of this is true

😳

*have* we come a long way, baby ?

check it out, now