How are they going to knit a fairisle in 12 hours? I've been knitting the same pair of socks for at least 5 years. #gameofwool

It sounded like Charlie Brown's teacher was singing Siobhan Fahey's part in Stay. #strictly

nothing on Earth has moved faster today than the fingers of racists composing racist posts

Next time someone tells you that train drivers "just push buttons" show them this from the BBC

We're now at "black people aren't British". Open sewer racism. Look forward to seeing him on QT again soon.

Jump scare

I've made a Halloween centrepiece.

Just had a knock on the door. It was two Amazon guys. Gave them a lolly anyway.

The Haunt, 1969, painting by by L.S. Lowry (The Lowry). #NorthernArt

The Grand Designs couple are particularly noxious this week. (I'm watching Traitors later)

Ok. I want to like this. I love Purple Rain. I love a foxtrot. But it's quite bad. #Strictly

Ok, I liked that. But I didn't realise it was a cha cha cha. #strictly

Oh his dad is VERY dapper. #Strictly

I hate a couple's choice, generally. I don't think this will be an exception #strictly

I love the lesbian couple that runs the pottery cafe down the road. #scd #strictly

Katya's cheerful mugging definitely does not fit with this song choice. #strictly

Lads. I've lost my voice after drinking 4 mini Guinness and belting out Evanescence at the karaoke booth. Pls keep me in your thoughts. 🙏🏻

Now. What is it about the Charlies?

WHY ARE THEY PICKING DAVID? #celebritytraitors #traitors

I am pissing myself at the celebs falling under suspicion because they have over-the-top personalities. #thetraitors #traitors

Tory policy is to revoke permanent residence (ILR) for everybody who does not earn £38k - deporting most nurses who have ILR This is put in the video as "who is unlikely to contribute more than they cost" NB: video does not say EU settled status is exempt No govt since Idi Amin has done this

why did this take two fucking days though? did the Prime Minister have his notifications switched off? was he stuck in the bath? why, exactly, is this obviously true thing something that apparently needs running past the boss anyway? what is *wrong* with their comms operation?

My guilty pleasure is following US christian-influencer-girl consumer content on Insta/TikTok. For some reason they are stocking their fridges and making pamper baskets with There She Goes by The La's as a soundtrack. Which is very funny.

DO read this advert.

Went to Blackpool this week. Please enjoy this photo of a pigeon.

In an effort to zhuzh up family mealtimes, I've asked my adult son to leaf through a slow cooker cookbook and choose things he would eat. He has called it a "book of hate" and declared he'd "rather have a Rustlers burger".

Man of the people. 👀

The bold font seems to me vaguely threatening.

is this a labubu? #scd #strictly

My son met Zack Polanski this week. Polanski was getting a meal deal and had chosen Huel as his drink. Make of that what you will.

Oh no. No. Pls not a Minecraft dance.

Now. I'm a big Strictly enjoyer but it's an endurance sport when each episode is this long.

Watching this Joe Wicks bollocks and chugging a pint of Diet Coke.

If I'm observing a teacher, and they use an acrostic as an activity, I know they've run out of ideas.

Hey scumbags, Jews in Manchester have fuck all to do with Palestine or Israel. Commenting beneath news stories about dead British Jews with 'what about Palestinians?' is just fucking antisemitic bullshit. If you think Jews are your enemy, you are the enemy. Jews are not Israel.

Oh piss off. I once went to a Labour meeting where Burnham promised he would seize the means of production if he became leader. I'm not saying he'll say anything to get elected but...

When my eldest child bursts into the room.

Pandering to my family with House of Bamboo; a firm household favourite. #strictly

I've been browsing Ali Express again and this is quite something.

Oh my fucking god Latics. 😭😭😭🤮🤮🤮 My NERVES. #oafc

👀👀👀

Has he considered taking a job in Greggs

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. I've never felt tension like it. #eurovision

All hope resting on Austria. 🙏🏻 #eurovision

Errrrr... what if Israel win? #eurovision

The Ukrainian Jury:

Montenegro. Good Lord.