Watching this Joe Wicks bollocks and chugging a pint of Diet Coke.

If I'm observing a teacher, and they use an acrostic as an activity, I know they've run out of ideas.

Hey scumbags, Jews in Manchester have fuck all to do with Palestine or Israel. Commenting beneath news stories about dead British Jews with 'what about Palestinians?' is just fucking antisemitic bullshit. If you think Jews are your enemy, you are the enemy. Jews are not Israel.

Oh piss off. I once went to a Labour meeting where Burnham promised he would seize the means of production if he became leader. I'm not saying he'll say anything to get elected but...

When my eldest child bursts into the room.

Pandering to my family with House of Bamboo; a firm household favourite. #strictly

I've been browsing Ali Express again and this is quite something.

Oh my fucking god Latics. 😭😭😭🤮🤮🤮 My NERVES. #oafc

👀👀👀

Has he considered taking a job in Greggs

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. I've never felt tension like it. #eurovision

All hope resting on Austria. 🙏🏻 #eurovision

Errrrr... what if Israel win? #eurovision

The Ukrainian Jury:

Montenegro. Good Lord.

ITALY??? What is happening?

The staging made this French lady look like she was struggling with explosive diarrhoea. #eurovision

Where has this poor Danish woman tucked her flaps? 😢 #eurovision

Iceland. I like it but there is AGGRESSIVE disagreement in my household. #eurovision

Austria. Technically good. Honestly horrible. #eurovision

It’s going to be a stressful summer for anyone who’s hidden a body in a reservoir.

I can't bear to watch Latics so I'm following via the family WhatsApp group. Quite difficult to discern if this is good or bad.

Oh thank God. I can now turn over.

The clergy has traditionally been very particular about that

Did my sons write this?

Been watching the Chimney Cam for an hour now. Maryam Moshiri has just mentioned she's perimenopausal. She's an absolute legend for managing to fill the silence.

The only people who have 15 friends are primary school children and that’s because they haven’t learnt to properly hate yet.

'Lib Dems say Reynolds being given unconstrained powers' My son met Johnny Reynolds when he was Shadow Energy Minister and I had to explain that his job title didn't mean he was a necromancer. Maybe I jumped the gun.

Also don't forget at least two to three emails asking you to leave a review.

I don't understand gilts or bonds. Someone just tell me when I have to start withdrawing cash from the bank.

Biggest commitment to a 3 second joke I've ever seen

@susanshaped.bsky.social Can't wait. 😬😬😬

“Has anyone else banged their head recently and can smell burning? Tim Stanley for The Telegraph”

I have a strong dislike of Alexander Fleming and I don't think he should get any credit for penicillin.

😳

A legend?

Should I get these slippers off Ali Express?

'Night jack' in Mumps, Oldham, 1950s. Thought to be a late-shift detective at the scene of a crime (Greater Manchester Police).

God the Brits are unwatchable. Going to have to find a ten year old episode of Law & Order on ITV 3 or something.

Seriously, who the fuck does Vance think he is?

I can’t fault Vance’s mum for preferring drugs to him tbh

I am not surprised by the Tameside Labour/Andrew Gwynne stuff. And I will leave it at that.

Made a Jamie Oliver recipe for tea. I never learn. It didn't taste of anything and the recipe didn't really work.

I bet everyone who accused Elon Musk of making a “Nazi salute” feels stupid now that we know he was karate chopping a bee to save the life of a boy with allergies in the front row

Gosh

Barron Trump looks embarrassed. I bet he'd rather be playing HOI4.

By the middle of this thread, I was vowing the sleep in earplugs.

What??? 😭

Until these people started arguing I thought they were the same man. #TheTraitors