Try The Cure?

Life is so beautiful when you love your wife

Daily reminder that you just lost the game

When I was younger I'd take eyeball pictures by just using my outer camera with the flash on and it wouldn't hurt that bad. I didn't think about how much better phone flashlights are now (mine can ignite fabric and burn skin) and my eye still fucking hurts 😭

Court ordered cock and ball torture

Girl dinner

I feel like I have really pretty eyeballs :3

Benson Boone sleep paralysis demon

They should do MyChart Wrapped

One of my very first internet friends ever just made a Bluesky!!! She's really nice and cool and funny and she makes desserts and stuff go follow her :)

I've had enough of your cockamamie schemes. it's high time for cuntamamie schemes #feminism

Someone come over and smooth out the lump on the back of my head

Do you think when a worm is writhing away on a burning hot surface waiting to die they wish for a bird to come and swoop them up in their mouth just to feel the cool moisture of their tongue for a moment

One thing about me is I will never catch your social cues; I will always think you're dead serious about everything you say

Sorry to quote post but comments are turned off so: Definitely AI. The cat's whiskers mess with its fur on the left (our left) side of its face. The dog's collar turns into black fur at the bottom, and the eyes just seem off to me. Can't really place it. But definitely AI

I love E-40, especially this song, but I can't help but laugh my ass off when he says "my GOODness" in his goofy ass voice, or "WHISPER IN YA EAR WHILE I'M HOLDIN MAH DICK" also in his goofy ass voice 😭

Called instead of messaging and yelled at them and got half pay 🥳🥳

I know I was hyping Doordash up a few weeks ago so I just wanna say: They are still a dogshit company that only cares about profit, like every company in this country. Even once you're platinum, they still give you shitty orders sometimes because they know you'll accept them to keep platinum.

I'm gonna freak the FUCK out

One thing I've always loved about St Louis is the community. When I was like 8 some Rams players (when we still owned the Rams), stopped to help us change our flat tire on their way to practice. Obviously there are shitbags here too but we have a lot of just great people.

Everyone saying ”giving that essay a zero was probably too harsh, I would have given it like a 70% to avoid conflict” are perfectly demonstrating how the us education system has been successfully dismantled.

Just found the most cursed thing ever. A bluegrass cover of the entire American Idiot album. I couldn't even get past the first minute because I'm still crying/laughing from hearing a redneck man say "Well maybe I'm the faggot, America"

Nintendo confirms that they intentionally made Metroid Prime 4's trailers look bad in order to lower expectations, and that players will be pleasantly surprised with the actual game, adding "Y'all ain't even seen half of Samus's dick yet."

I'll forever be thankful that I don't have any food allergies but did I really have to get two of the rarest skin allergies?? Fragrances???? ADHESIVES?????? FUCKING DUCT TAPE GIVES ME A RASH?????????? I CAN'T WEAR COLOGNE???? I CAN'T USE MOST LAUNDRY DETERGENTS, SOAPS, BODY WASHES, SHAMPOOS, ETC????

New favorite creature

On that note I think I'll go back to composing classical music until I can buy Ableton or something. Maybe FL Studio since I'm already a little familiar with it (torrented it when I was 13)

Why can't someone make a music engineering app with a user-friendly interface that doesn't take years to fully learn how to use, and that also doesn't cost a million dollars MuseScore (classical composition program) is completely free and afaik has always been. Other companies can fucking do this!!

boast reef

parpecue bulled bork

Make laws enforceable again

i caught him in the middle of a little sneeze

Woman raised by birds and possibly on the spectrum, internally: why do they all keep staring? i could be off blasting pirates right now. Or hoarding shiny trinkets.

Tell your cat bf I said penispenispenispenispenispenispenis

Ran out of grated parmesan for my soup, uncut oomf where are you

This is nuts!! Read the whole thing!!!

Stupid brain I'm jumping off a cliff

The adVENT calendar

the madvent calendar

I don't think I've ever talked on Bluesky about why I hate the Foo Fighters and Dave Grohl. Don't read any further unless you're prepared for uncomfortable truths about the "Nicest Guy in Rock", and his very substantial body count & subsequent cover-up.

I've loved almost everything she's put out, and I love weird music and jazz and all kinds of shit, but this is just weird and bad and I hate it

99% of my interactions are me not realizing someone is joking and then the other 1% is me making a weird joke and nobody realizing I'm joking

Lord help me. They are putting in a roundabout in my rural Iowa town, and the people with truck selfie profile pictures are calling it woke.

Got found by the way and I have it back. Fuckers ripped off my rear view mirror so they couldn't be tracked through the OnStar and bent a piece of trim back on the outside for some reason (probably just for "fun") At least I have my car I guess. Buying a steering wheel lock ASAP.

can you blame it? you grabbed it by the neck, flipped it upside down, spanked its ass then choked it. like it wasnt gonna squirt?

Chilly Pheesesteak

You can also turn it into a cranberry bacon jam and use that for your leftover Thanksgiving sandwiches 😋

"Please give us back the weapon we used to murder your people. We need to bomb you again" We live in a cartoon.

Words containing "meow" Meow Meows Meowed Homeowners Meowing