Booby and the Breast

I still can't get over how bad of a lie this was Like this is when your dad asks why you have an F on your report card

Things you can comfortably fit inside girl pockets: 2 fingers, some lint Things you can comfortably fit inside boy pockets: Nintendo Switch OLED version

kids named kyle making a to-do list

they should just make carpet out of pet stain remover

Is 10:19 am too early for a beer

hunky manpussy, the sidekick to katie tightpussy

My neighbor had some people do tree/yard work yesterday, and when they were done, they just blew everything into my yard. Leaves, sticks, trash. My car is covered in mud. I'm calling all the tree service companies to find out who it was, and I'm going to review bomb them but what else should I do?

Not even very secret

filling my waterbed with helium and riding it into the sun

so the concern wasn’t about temperance and modesty, but rather about having monopolized control over sexual gratification? i can’t live as i want because the wealthy weren’t profiting on it? sweet! awesome! really cool!!!

Far Cry 5 one of the best games ever (If anyone wants to play co-op I play on steam; I haven't done any of the expansions yet but I own them all)

It's really cool how almost every time I've gone to the doctor as an adult, they've just basically said "Yeah so I couldn't figure out what's wrong with you, but I have another appointment scheduled in 2 minutes, so that'll be $250 please"

gm gang rise and cry

pisstopher columpiss

Of course I finally get tired 3 and a half hours before my interview

"Baden cited three fractures in Epstein's neck, including the hyoid bone, which he called "extremely unusual in suicidal hangings". "Baden's findings differed from the New York City Medical Examiner's official conclusion that Epstein died by suicide."

"Jeffrey Epstein's brother, Mark Epstein, hired prominent forensic pathologist Dr. Michael Baden to observe his brother's official autopsy. Baden stated publicly that injuries to Epstein's neck were "more indicative" of homicidal strangulation than suicide."

Penis de Gallo

The is literally nothing more American and patriotic than declaring: No Kings.

rapidly transitioning back and forth faster and faster until i become Transit, Lord of Gender

Lmao

Hey guys if you ever wanna break someone's brain here's how my wife did it when we first met We had just gotten back to her house after running to the grocery store together (as friends). I was convinced she was lesbian (I preset as a man irl) but I had to know for sure, so I asked. 1/2

I've been in poverty/only eating once a day (if that) for months, and it's been months since I've stepped on a scale and I'm terrified. Last time I was 145 pounds. I'm 6'2" with a very wide/muscular frame. When I'm healthy I'm 200-220 pounds. Probably close to 130 rn 🙃🙃 Jumping off a bridge

Karma really does exist bc I used to do the "hand to chest" thing to call people the r slur in middle school and now it's something that I do because of my autism (which has gotten more prevalent as I've aged) 😭

….is that

Lol girls will be like ewww Elon Musk?' I'm making a Bluesky. Mark Zuckerberg though? No problem, Threads here I come!!!!!

I'm crying they made exactly what a man would make

I'm playing Far Cry 5 again and it's insane how similar the cult taking over America in this game is to the fascist administration we're under right now.

TALL GIRLS!!!!! WHERE THE FUCK DO YOU GUYS BUY SHOES??????? I'M A SIZE 13 IN MEN'S AND NOBODY MAKES WOMEN'S 15'S (which are the same as men's 13)!!!!!!!!! I KNOW SOME OF YOU ARE THE SAME SIZE OR BIGGER!!!! WHERE DO YOU GET GIRL SHOES???????

Burning Ma’am

This senile liar who currently occupies the White House does not remember that he was President on January 6th. If you voted for this senile liar, and if you enable him today, you clearly are ok with breaking America. The ruins of our once great nation are because of you.

Do people still play prophunt on gmod

I’d rather my tax dollars go to feeding kids than putting fake gold shit on the walls of the White House

It wasn't an accident. It is a performative exercise of power.

this poop shit is crap

I think we all stopped laughing at J Cole too quickly. Imagine putting out a diss track titled "might delete later" and then actually deleting it later That title was supposed to be ironic bro I shouldn't have to explain your own joke 😭 Tbf Kendrick killed him lol

I TRY TO TELL EVERYONE I KNOW TO TAKE VITAMIN D!!!! ESPECIALLY IF YOU HAVE A DISORDER THAT GIVES YOU DEPRESSIVE SYMPTOMS!!!!! EVEN A LITTLE BOOST GOES A LONG WAY AND COULD BE THE THING THAT GETS YOU OUT OF BED!!!! TAKE VITAMIN D!!!!!!!!!!!!

Going to release an album where I just scream things like "WAKE THE FUCK UP, WE LIVE IN A FASCIST NATION, ICE IS KINDAPPING INNOCENT PEOPLE AND PUTTING THEM IN CONCENTRATION CAMPS" without rhyming and completely off beat bc obviously the metaphors everyone else tries aren't getting through to people

Genuinely might be the funniest subreddit of all time

When I burn to your fingertips, You can throw what's left

Sis don't look at this; I'm shirtless Really weird being stuck in this shell, because while it doesn't feel like my body, it's still really hot and I enjoy showing it off :p

Just gonna start using this website for this purpose

Kid started freaking out in the car, yelling what sounded like “shoe phone” and when I got her out she was yanking on her shoes so I took ‘em off and she immediately grabbed them put one to each ear and said, “Hello?” Shoe phone.

We actually evolved from kangaroos

bluesky is doomed unless we can get congress to pass legislation regulating big accounts