"once you see the displayport to hdmi cable schematic, you'll never stop wanting to beat the walmart electronics accessory rack to death with your bare hands" - anthony bourdain

Lord help me. They are putting in a roundabout in my rural Iowa town, and the people with truck selfie profile pictures are calling it woke.

I print t shirts for my job. If I ever printed a left chest that low and crooked I'd be fired.

My wife just said Johnny Depp dresses like a coat rack in the back of a local theater that's doing productions of Seven Brides and Pirates of Penzance simultaneously

Neighbor just started snow blowing his sidewalk at midnight. My neighborhood is not beating the meth head allegations.

Snowed in and watching The Thing.

Just filleted out some duck breast and I decided I'm going to boil the rest of the bones to make a duck bone broth.

At least they let the last guy with dementia be sleepy. Now we have to deal with an amphetamine fiend in chief

I was trying to do the responsible thing and put strap locks on my guitar tonight but I guess I'll just give up and never play the Les Paul standing up again.

If we had just let the lawn darts cull the dumbest children I don't think we'd have so many trump supporters

Do not let anyone make you feel bad for passing out on the couch watching football today

Thankful for: My wife My friends My family My cat Your cat Cats from years gone by Wikipedia The Internet Archive Project Gutenberg Transistors Capacitors Toroidal inductors Fresh air Sunshine Lilac bushes The players handbook The dungeon masters guide The monster manual And viewers like you

I'm supposed to sing a three hour show tomorrow and my throat is gettin froggy. Great timing 👍

I should get a banjo

Bluesky: the official app of people who were 10 years old on 9/11 and then made it their whole personality

Am I supposed to believe that this nuzzi character is someone y'all knew and cared about before? Ain't no way

We stopped progressing as a society the moment we stopped trying to invent more elaborate BOP-IT! designs. I'll vote for any candidate willing to put our top scientists back on this noble task.

I stg I have some friends whose kids have been 3 years old for a decade while some friends kids went from diapers to graduating high school in 6 months.

I wish I could eat garbage food and not feel like garbage afterwards.

I'm sorry, is it part of your court order that you have to announce that when you log into X (The Everything App)?

i am average american. i work 15 hours in  pedophilia-genocide mine to buy one rock and roll disk

There's a weird gut feeling I have that the files are squeaky clean by design and the Dems are walking into a weird trap. Like the "files" are going to be a napkin written in Trump's illiterate crayon handwriting saying "clintin n obamma best frend Jeff E 4eva"

They will forever not care.

Trying to imagine the absolute dork you'd have to be to go into a Bond movie and say "wait! This is inconsistent with the previous installments of the franchise"👆 🤓 😤 Like if I heard someone complain about that I would gather a group of friends to beat the shit out of them.

Are banks even remotely on board with offering a 50 year mortgage? The average life expectancy in this country is what, 75? So they are anticipating giving these loans to 25 year olds? Notoriously, a demographic banks are eager to loan to.

One part of the social contract that's been eroded we don't talk about is that because every industry is constantly evolving and upended, there is no incentive to become an expert in any given field. You can work a job for 20 years and be told that there is no longer a need for that kind of work.

Made an apple crisp

Europeans don't realize in America it costs us $200 just to tell the Pagliacci joke, and that's if the provider is in network.

We all know that one guy who, whenever people are arguing about humanity’s greatest technological advances, has to jump in about fucking ball bearings, an absolute simp for ball bearings, can’t WAIT to get into his little spiel.

Fool me once into turning up my stereo shame on you. Teach a man to fool me into turning up my stereo and you'll catch a fly with honey every time.

"trump is going to make it so you can't get soda on SNAP" My brother in Christ they will poison his diet coke.

I don't know why the GOP is spending so much energy covering up the Epstein Files. They could release 100 videos of Donald doing heinous things to children and his supporters wouldn't stumble over it. They know what he is already and they don't care.

Why does he look like Jon Voight's character from Holes?

Being snowed into a large hunting lodge for 2 weeks with a half dozen mysterious characters, none of us knowing who invited us, and solving a murder would fix me

My complaints with the open jam I host are few and far between but the biggest gripe I have is that people treat being asked to play bass as an insult. As if they are being told they're bad at guitar so they must be relegated to the 4 string. Get over it and hold down the low end on this one!

Sorry I can't hang out tonight, my favorite YouTuber just uploaded another banger video about how dishwashers work.

Plural eyes Pluralize Plural lies

They should invent an egg roll that I can eat 100000 of right now

Right now, there's an executive in a boardroom trying to figure out how to charge people for napkins at a fast food restaurant

Kicking a dude out of the band right before our show tonight. Hell yeah

So, are we just going to move on from the CIA trying to do a false flag attack on a US ship? Like... Who gave that order? Will they be tried for treason? No? Usually this kind of thing would be huge then trump would say something weird to make us move on but no, we just... Did it ourselves huh...

I believe there is a coordinated effort to make it harder to tell when a video is AI. They can't make the AI look better so they will normalize the way it looks. Related, I noticed recently memes are being made with that weird jagged san serif font ai always generates probably for the same reason.

It's hard to believe that being on the Internet used to be so fun and exciting they referred to it as surfing.

The scariest part of the Pagliacci joke is that it could really happen

Why am I, a man who lives in rural Iowa, hearing so much about a new york mayoral candidate's aunt?

Expositional theme song writers were the backbone of the American economy and we just tossed them out like a bag of moldy tangerines.

Around midnight for the past 3 nights there's been a big loud boom in our small town. Last time this was happening it turned out to be teenagers inflating garbage bags with welding gas, letting it float and setting it off with a long fuse. Dudes continue to rock.

I just know getting final destinationed by a logging truck would fix me.

This time last year I tried to go on anti anxiety meds and hated the way they made me feel I went off them and life kinda evened out and it got smoother. It's creeping back up and I literally couldn't afford to go ask a Dr for it again even if I wanted to. So cool. I guess I'll just try to stay busy

Reminder that food assistance programs have always been primarily a farm subsidy. So while the ag industry is suffering from tariffs, lack of trade with China and imports from Argentina, we are now removing domestic ability to purchase those products too. President Deals keeps the hits coming