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Have the regime announced that Belgian waffles will now be known as freedom waffles, yet?

so you stanned for a guy with a nazi tattoo

Diedrich Bader tapping me on the shoulder to point out hummingbirds and butterflies would be the highlight of my year, and probably my career as well. 🦋

US is 22nd for freedom Democratic socialist countries are #1 -21

the side-eye sent me

MF gave Trump a "FIFA Peace Bribe." Did we really think he was done bending over for Trump?

The DSA and Communism are very different things. Rather than attacking the DSA for being attacked, explain the differences. "Vote Blue no matter who" means "no matter who."

And then the fireworks started on July 5th. Brilliant work, asshole.

There is exactly one thing that needs to happen on Independence Day. One tradition The only thing that absolutely had to happen was fireworks, and Trump fucked it up because he couldn't stop talking

This is Trump’s Fyre Festival. All they need are soggy cheese sandwiches in styrofoam containers

ETTD

i’m on a boat with a casio on mah WRIST celebrating liberty and making racists PISSED

Are we taking bets on how many injuries Trump's big beautiful fireworks display will cause?

I saw "Happy 4th" trending and thought Trump had announced his next wife.

Happy Birthday, America. Sorry about your MAGA infestation.

Monk breakdancers MCA Day '14, tribute to musician & humanitarian, Adam "MCA" Yauch of the Beastie Boys. MCA was a devout Buddhist who fought for Tibetan Independence

Alright, it looks like they're finally married. Now can you all shut the hell up about them, now?

If Taylor Swift really wanted a private wedding venue she should’ve considered the National Mall.

“An escalator can never break down. It can only become stairs.” - Mitch Hedberg

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Fuck Amazon and Jeff Bezos.

Fun fact: If a bill is ripped and you possess more than 50% of that bill, you can take it to a bank (most cases) or contact the Bureau of Engraving and Printing to have it replaced, and that bill will be taken out of circulation. 🇺🇸

Maybe we could get Qatar to gift Iran with a plane, too?

Moved my outdoor flower plants to the shade Dead bugs and beetles litter my balcony from heat 😔 I set out 2 bowls of water with ice cubes for wildlife and bees and birds ... will refill later today PLEASE THINK ABOUT NATURE AND ANIMALS IN THIS HEAT! Set out water. Double water plants!!

I hope that hair I just pulled out of my mouth was mine.

No, but they do remain siblings.

They're trying to find someone who's the right size to fit into his skin suit.

Anyway this empire in its current form is definitely falling & there is no going in reverse so try to maintain some self-respect if you’re existing through it & stop throwing marginalized people under the bus for some increasingly illusory promise of temporary insulation from harm.

Someone threw a beer at Trump at one of his rallies. It's okay; It was draft beer, so... He dodged it.

I got some bad news. If these wockaflockas seem like serious people to you, they have slowly turned your ass into an unserious person.

❤️

I can't believe Donald Trump talked about having a threesome with his children, and Ivanka wasn't even one of them.

Mitch has people saying "Are *they* dead yet?" now.

Just saying:

Hot take: The FIFA World Cup trophy is ugly AF.

Fuck See BS youtu.be/WGO588xDktk?...

The Great American State of Denial

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