You are a soon to be graduating student, you are looking for a great place to be a postdoc, and you're looking for a fantastic mentor. Well look no further, here's the opportunity!

today I learned the title of the tainted cup in Japan is “the man who was killed by a tree,” which is making me laugh pretty hard

I would submit that a gerrymander by politicians saying fuck the voters and one by voters saying fuck the politicians are two wholly different animals

I feel like Sun Tzu really missed out on "Invent Pete Hegseth and give him to the enemy"

Fractures Emerge Between GOP’s Pro-Pedophilia, Extremely Pro-Pedophilia Wings

the goal of going to an airport is to leave the airport as swiftly as possible. as douglas adams put it, there is a reason no one has ever invented the phrase "as pretty as an airport."

It remains notable that The Onion — The Onion! — has had a stronger moral compass and more clear set of values in this moment than nearly every powerful and well-funded institution in American life.

We proved ourselves willing to languish in legislative miasma, and to permit abhorrent misinformation to lessen our own amorality.

If MAGA is a plague, then Sandy Hook really was the first slight discoloration, the first cough, the first ghostly ache of inflamed tissue deep within us.

Feeling this on many levels this morning!

That’s not my experience, I’ve actually been noticing a marked increase in the amount of BS since the start of the war

A peer reviewed study shows a promising link between flu and shingles vaccines and a reduced risk of dementia. A heroin addict who cut off a raccoon’s penis for “further study” says these vaccines cause autism. For busy Americans, it can be hard to know who to trust.

It's almost as if everything Trump says about the negotiations bullshit and everyone who believes him is a cultist or a moron.

It’s always “this meeting could’ve been an email” and never “this email could’ve been a fine cask of delectable amontillado wine”

! Epigenetic constraints and enhancer innovation link neuronal plasticity to evolutionary adaptation www.pnas.org/doi/abs/10.1...

Great to see this out. Practical guidance on how to use protein depletion systems in C. elegans

Some #bacteria polymerize excess carbon into polyhydroxybutyrate (PHB), a biodegradable storage polymer. This study shows that #PHB -producing bacteria kill #Celegans nematodes by disrupting pharyngeal & intestinal function @plosbiology.org 🧪 plos.io/4cFAwDz

Don’t forget the basic research that made it all possible. Ozempuc originally comes from discoveries from Gila monster venom. Let’s stop the attacks on basic research, and enable the discoveries of the future. SamForNJ.org

If you think “That’s ridiculous, a weird elderly guy in robes doing something inappropriate with his hands to a comatose patient while a soldier and anachronistic nurse and crying eagle watches CAN’T be a doctor,” clearly you don’t have an HMO

U.S. Reaches Trade Deal With Pedotopia

Bluesky Says They Like Drinking And Sex. But They Ran Eric Swalwell Out of Office for Drinking and Sex. My Anger At This Hypocrisy Is Exactly Why I Can Only Write For The Atlantic.

Trump Escalates Feud With Unclear Adversary By Posting AI Video Of Self Fucking Basketball https://theonion.com/trump-escalates-feud-with-unclear-adversary-by-posting-ai-video-of-self-fucking-basketball/

You think the Pope is weak on crime? You should see what Jesus did for a thief.

The idiom "screwed the pooch" should forever be replaced with "fucked the couch" Example usage: JD Vance and the negotiators really fucked the couch on this one.

Okay, sure, but there are five whole continents where Vance didn’t take an L this week.

If you're one of aides, are you just guzzling Maalox while these interviews happen?

I do think the tendency to yeet sex pests out of the democratic tent is an unalloyed good.

He knows that those vessels have already priced the bribe into their operating costs

was once New Amsterdam.

😐

It's a nice day for a Light sweater It's a nice day for a CARDIGAN

I am introducing the Cut It Out And This Time I Really Mean It bill. It provides an additional $57 billion to the murder goons but they will agree to wear business casual Monday through Thursday and if they do any murders they have to put a dollar in this jar.

A rumble between neuroscientists, immunologists, and cancer biologist would be like the flight in Anchorman, but it would be over who has the most impenetrable terminology rather than which news team is the best

I've seen enough movies, read enough books to know that if Melania isn't a victim of the crime the only explanation is she's a part of the crime

This is just a friendly reminder that March is procrastination awareness month!

If you’re using 10x Genomics (Flex v1) for scRNA-seq, this study is a must-read. 🧪 It uncovers a key artefact: • Probe barcodes themselves introduce bias • Some barcodes systematically alter gene expression signals • Apparent DEGs may be technical, not biological www.biorxiv.org/content/10.6...

While you were developing interpersonal skills, I was studying the blade

The Art of the Deal: ‘How I handed the Strait of Hormuz to Iran and helped them build a nuclear weapon while lighting 40Billion dollars on fire and killing thousands of innocent people’ by Donald J. Trump.

Another example of "Show me your budget and I will tell you what you value."

Brutal.

Very sad news. Don was a titan in the field, he will be missed.

Obviously, the biggest atrocity is the premeditated genocide, but the way he frames it like it’s a fucking segment of the apprentice with the reveal showing after the commercial break. Jesus.

Armageddon is terrible, but our only option was taxing rich people.

It’s right there on page 53 of the NYT style book: “When reporting on a demented president’s bizarre promise to commit war crimes, murdering and starving civilians, it is proper to remove all sentences containing profanity, to protect readers from getting upset.”

Open the Fuckin’ Chick-fil-A, you crazy bastards, or you’ll be living in Hell

Judas Iscariot was paid 30 pieces of silver for turning Jesus Christ in to the Roman authorities. But he made nearly 10 times that amount by placing a Polymarket bet accurately predicting the day of Christ’s death.

They’re spider opossum dolphins. They’re pizza spaghetti sandwiches

I like big buttresses and I cannot lie.

You wrote a novel using AI? Cool. It's like that time I ran a marathon using a Ford Focus.