Woke up and immediately took a vibrator to my balls So that’s how I’m starting my day 🤭

transgender is inevitable. get on board or get left behind, luddites.

COMPUTAH!! Show a cutie patootie

Just standing in my kitchen, wearing my pajamas, munching on some chicken wings This is what it means to live alone again

COMPUTAH… make these gays SUPAH GAY and HORNY!!!

Would anyone like to just GIVE me a Tv? I really don’t want to buy one

been a while, but hey! Here’s a #fcf post

Which one of you fuckers was praying for my downfall?!? This is NOT how I wanted my weekend to start 😭

I took my car in at 9am and I still haven’t heard anything from the shop. Everyone please send good vibes so my bank account isn’t completely ruined 🙏🏽

But still kinda cutesie vibes

I wish I could say I’m working from this coffee shop just to be cutesie, but tragically my car is in the shop and this was the closest place for me to continue to work

gooood morning Friday

Made the most perfect breakfast sandwich this morning and forgot to document it 😭😭

It’s not that I need a ridiculous amount of cream cheese, all I’m saying is that I better not be able to see any of the toast marks on the surface 🤷🏽‍♀️

‘Glee’ premiered 17 years ago today.

Worth it 🥵😂

What’s wrong babe? Is this Glee playlist too distracting?

libras:

So… a little bit about me: I collect elephants. Started in HS when families starting to cling to basic personality traits and mine was “likes elephants.” Used to resent that, but now I’ve fallen back in love with it. And today, I picked up this beauty who looks so good on my shelf!

when people call me beautiful instead of handsome >>>>

I’ll never forgive Gwen Stefani

Flaccid but still fat on #fatcockfriday 🍆🍆🍆

You know already… #fcf

My expectations for love were ruined from the first time I saw My Big Fat Greek Wedding

I’d actually rather chew off my right arm than show my YouTube algorithm to anyone

Ooo boy, ya lookin’ like you like whatcha see 🎶

I did, and i barely gave it any thought. That thin crust was so small. They call that a pizza?!

Should I eat an entire* pizza by myself tonight? *it’s thin crust

reading old h skeets after I nut

Real Estate: Great For Streaming TV And Jerking Off

It’s dress weather again 🤭🤭

I’m sure I missed so much on Bluesky this past week, but I’ve committed to just letting it be in the past 🙂‍↕️

I have officially moved!!! 🙌🏽🙌🏽 Welcoming myself back to the era of living alone!

cumming in boxers? 🫣🤤

In addition to being so stressed i’ve only jerked it twice this week, i don’t even think i enjoyed those orgasms..

today is the last day of my move and i’m so ready for it to be over 😮‍💨

Zara Larsson graces the cover of PAPER.

It’s their time to shine 🤩

Move update: i’m feeling good about the progress I’ve made in moving physical objects. Unfortunately, there is a chance that my car won’t start tomorrow and I will have to scrap an entire day of doing things.

She’s so me!

Sister Act and Sister Act 2 are the best movies ever made and that's an opinion I have held since birth

I really like this nude

The fun part about moving is that in one moment I want to spend as little money possible because I’m terrified I’m going to ruin my financials and screw myself with this move, and in the next I want to spend it all because life is impermanent and why the fuck not

I just wish i had the ability to cry when needed

i’m just so tired of it all 😭😭

the hardest part about moving this week will mainly be resisting the urge to spend a million dollars to eat out the whole week

The state of my week depends on you @beyonce

You’re vs your is not something i’m mean about but I should be